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Mr Apples

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Everything posted by Mr Apples

  1. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    I thought it was the 31st February? Apples
  2. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Swindo is comedy gold. Apples
  3. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Greggs have been kicked out of Cornwall...this country is going to the dogs and it's all the fault of Brexit. Apples
  4. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    While British Bulldogs urinate at the graveside and Vera Lynn is interrupted in her rendition of "The White Cliffs of Dover" as a fight breaks out in the funeral party about who's the most Brexity and therefore the single greatest living patriot. Apples
  5. Hi PUPs off to Belgium this week with AS Eupen vs. Sporting Charleroi (away win). For the Norwich match pick I'll go for City scoring a pen (currently 6/1). Best of luck everyone! Apples
  6. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Next piece of good news...we strike a trade deal with Big Kim from North Korea? Apples
  7. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    C'mon Herman, surely every season can only now be summer in BoJo's Brave New Britain? Apples
  8. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Hopefully the ditches will keep filling up for when Boris finally throws himself in one. Apples
  9. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    The much anticipated Unicorns turned out to be mangy Shetland Ponies with pointy party hats strapped to their heads. Apples
  10. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Interesting article on the request from Boris to crowdfund Big Ben bonging, from the Daily Mash. The five types of tw*t who'll pay for Big Ben to bong for Brexit BIG BEN bonging for Brexit is the worst charitable cause since a druggie with a stolen charity tin rattled it around the local, but the cretins who support it live among us. Tw*ts who believe tax is theft Anyone who looks at their wageslip and thinks ‘That’s not fair. I shouldn’t be paying for the A470 when I hardly use it’ will happily throw cash at an inane and pointless cause like reinstalling a big clapper back in a massive clock for a single day. Because they’re twats. Tw*ts who still wish the national anthem was played on telly In the mists of history, TV finished for the day with God Save The Queen. And some mad tw*ts believe that on the final bong of Brexit Eve the UK will become a sepia-toned wonderland of spitfires and spam on toast where it’s okay to call a dog the N-word, like in The Dam Busters. Tw*ts who would never spare a quid for a homeless person Those who walk past the homeless outside the Waitrose where they’ve just spent £97 on goose fat and Burgundy will suddenly find lots of spare cash in their pockets for this type of twattery. Perpetually angry little tw*ts like MP Mark Francois The people who blame everything that’s wrong about their lives on Europeans, gays, women and Meghan Markle, rather than blaming the tw*t in the mirror. They’re not necessarily male tw*ts either. Anne Widdecombe’s one. Nigel Farage Will put in one per cent of his £153k MEP redundancy payment on condition he is allowed to strike the bell himself with a good solid Sheffield steel sledgehammer. Will f**k up and break the bell. Apples
  11. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    That ditch never got filled either. Apples
  12. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Swindo doth protest too much, methinks. Apples
  13. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Well, you seem to have gotten away with it for years Paul? Apples
  14. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Fire off a fiver for fat fanny Francois to f*ck off? Apples
  15. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    We'll probably start negotiating with Luxembourg, Austria, Czech Republic, Slovakia and Hungary for access to their fishing grounds. Apples
  16. Mr Apples

    Chris Hughton

    Wolfie, what on earth were you thinking...you should know by now that any Twitter pictures posted must only be of footballers wives wearing as little as possible. Apples
  17. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    It should be easy, have you not got any pictures of your Scottish Family? Apples
  18. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Can you please provide us with photographic evidence of this Swindo? Apples
  19. Hi PUPs, off to Portugal this week with Vitória Setúbal vs. Sporting CP (away win). For the City bet I'll go for a 2-2 draw with Idah to score last. Best of luck everyone! Apples
  20. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Toby Young...Gobsh*te for hire. Apples
  21. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    There's a Starmer, waiting in the wings? Apples
  22. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Good point HIWEM, I thought it had been us supporting and propping up the EU for all these years? Apples
  23. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    RTB, our very own alpha snowflake. Apples
  24. Mr Apples

    The Brexit Thread

    Paul, are you aware of this Government policy? Johnson pledges tax cut for unicorn breeders BORIS Johnson has vowed to slash taxes for Britain’s hard-pressed unicorn breeders. The prime minister said the tax cut would create up to 20 million new jobs in the supernatural horse industry. He told the Daily Telegraph: “Chinese billionaires are desperate to buy British unicorns, but our breeders can’t meet the demand because of EU rules on VAT and minimum unicorn width. “Free of these shackles the unicorn farms of Somerset and Wiltshire could soon be churning out thousands of magical horses which would then be vacuum packed and sent to the Far East via an 8000 mile-long bridge that I have designed myself.” He added: “Is there a more powerful advert for our country than a happy Chinese billionaire leaping into his swimming pool on the back of a British unicorn?” Mr Johnson believes that at £250m a unicorn Britain will become so wealthy that every British citizen will be able to buy a unicorn of their very own.
  25. Hi PUPs, Happy New Year one and all. This week I'm off to the French cup with Bourg-en-Bresse vs. Olympique Lyonnais (away win). For the City bet I'll go for Amadou to be given a run out and to score anytime. Good luck everyone! Apples
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