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Mr Apples

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Mr Apples last won the day on September 6

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  1. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    "Moving on - I see the 'Rebel' Alliance are not going to let the Empire off the hook. Boris is going to be allowed to die in a ditch." Wasn't he also going to lie down in front of the bulldozers at Heathrow... Apples
  2. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    ""Remainers are chicken and don't want to be turkeys either." Well at least you've already snaffled the role of the c*cks. Apples
  3. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    "Why won't Liebour and the Lib-Dums agree to a GE and say if elected they will hold a referendum and campaign to Remain?" Because they're having too much fun with Boris... Apples
  4. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    What's Disco Dom's plan today? Apples
  5. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    It's Dominic Cummings I feel sorry for...within a week of being in tow with Boris as PM he's gone from being the political strategist of his generation to "Some loud bloke who stunk of booze yelling at us". Poor guy. Apples
  6. Hi PUPs, off to the land of yodelling this week with Switzerland vs. Gibralter (home win). For the BTTS I'll go for Montrose vs. Partick Thistle. Nutty, here are my selections for the following weeks (many thanks for keeping tabs on these)! w/e 14th Hobro vs Copenhagen (away win); NCFC vs. Man City BTTS w/e 21st IBV vs Breidablik (away win); NCFC vs Burnley over 4.5 goals with a red card in the game. Best of luck everyone! Apples
  7. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    "How did it all go so wrong?? " I blame Dominic Cummings. Apples
  8. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    Interesting piece from the Daily Mash. Apples Five backstop solutions that are obvious if you’re thick ARE you sick of the backstop getting in the way of Brexit while being too moronic to understand what it is? Leave voter Martin Bishop runs down the alternatives: Look out for bad foreigners After Brexit, we’ll only really need a border to keep out bad foreigners, such as Eastern European gangsters, Islamic terrorists and the French. These rascals can be easily caught by sharp-eyed patriotic police officers and sniffer dogs trained to recognise garlic. High-tech sensors and scanner thingies Technology will remove the need for the backstop. I don’t need to specify what sort because I’m not a scientist. However on Star Trek they have scanners that tell them all about planets before they set foot on them, and we invented the bouncing bomb so I expect our boffins could easily come up with something like that. Stop being so fussy So what if there’s a bit of horse in your lasagne? It’s a delicacy in France. As for the EU worrying about dangerous goods being exported from the UK, let me tell you this: I bought a ‘Chikushou’ clock radio from the Wednesday market last month and it’s still working. That’s good enough for me. Legalise smuggling Smugglers in films are jolly pirate types with an admirable entrepreneurial spirit. And who doesn’t want a cut-price barrel of rum or 800 bargain Superkings? Now I think about it, it’s a bloody outrage smuggling is illegal in the first place. Typical EU red tape. Put the IRA in charge of the Irish border Set a thief to catch a thief, they say, so why not let the IRA deal with the border? They’ve got the men, they’ve got the guns and they won’t blow up their own customs posts. Crucially, there’ll be an effective deterrent for immigrants – kneecapping. This is so brilliant I can’t believe no-one’s thought of it before.
  9. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    Ruth Davidson has resigned...that's the end for the Tories in Scotland. Apples
  10. Hi PUPs, after being let down by picks from the east over the last couple of weeks I'm heading to the Med and Greece with PAOK vs. Panionios (home win). Nutty, I'm off on holiday at the end of next week so will leave my future selections with next week's pick. For the City game I'll go for a 2-2 draw with Leitner to score anytime. Best of luck everyone! Apples
  11. Mr Apples

    Scotland really are gash aren't they?

    Will Snoddy be on Pens? Apples
  12. Hi Nutty unfortunately I can't do the 14th as I'll be basting myself in Ouzo and Ambre Solaire (apologies for that horrible image)! Happy to swap for something later in the year! This week I'm off to Ukraine with Dynamo Kyiv vs. Olimpik Donetsk (home win). For the City bet I'll go for both teams to score in the first half and Hanley to nod one in (anytime). Good luck everyone! Apples
  13. Mr Apples

    James Norwood - No words

    Such is his quality, I'm just surprised he didn't miss his head with the cans. Apples
  14. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    Paul, you are truly an example to us all. Apples
  15. Mr Apples

    OT - EU straw poll...

    A useful guide from the Daily Mash. The Brexiter’s guide to ending freedom of movement BREXITERS will be delighted by plans to end freedom of movement, but have you thought it through properly? Read our guide on the slim off-chance you haven’t. Don’t expect all the foreigners to just disappear This is due to an irksome problem known as ‘living in the modern world’. Fortunately you can go back in time without inventing a TARDIS by simply watching Yesterday channel all day, particularly the utopian vision of Britain depicted in The World at War. Prepare for surprisingly expensive food Without EU workers, and with tariffs, plentiful fresh food may be a thing of the past. To avoid getting scurvy crush up multivitamin tablets and sprinkle them on your full English. (Now defined as one bacon rasher, 15 baked beans and some powdered egg.) Do expect holiday grief No-hassle holiday travel is likely to be replaced by queues, tedious health paperwork and your pound being worth **** all after no-deal. Practise for this scenario by filling out a tax return while standing in the longest queue at Asda without enough money to pay for your shopping. Get ready for some unappealing job opportunities A cornucopia of demanding jobs will become vacant, including care home assistant, Amazon warehouse worker and delivery driver. If you are unemployed with the Tories in charge of benefits sanctions, now is an entirely appropriate moment to sh*t your pants. Hope you don’t get offered a brilliant job abroad You’ll be at a disadvantage if you apply for a job involving travel to different EU countries. Luckily this applies more to people like scientists and game designers, not Brexiters whose tech skills are limited to posting “Merkle wil come BEGGING too us withOUT are £39 pounds!!!” on the BBC News website. Apples
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