dreamteam

So,there''s this yellow toad wandering around in the forest, kind of pissed off because he doesn''t want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he was brown or green like the other toads. He''d sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Any way ... this yellow toad bumps into a Fairy Godmother, like you do, and he begs her; "Fairy Godmother please make me green like the other toads. I am tired of being so visible to predators and such." The Fairy Godmother whips out her magic wand and says "Abracapokus! You''re green." The toad looks down and sees that he is green except for his package, which is still yellow. He says to the Fairy Godmother "Wait a minute; my meat & two veg are still yellow." To this the Fairy Godmother said, "I don''t do willies, go and see the Wizard Of Oz for that. The toad thanks her and hops off on his way. There also happens to be a purple bear wandering around in the very same forest, must be one of them enchanted forests and he encounters the very same Fairy Godmother. He implores her; "Fairy Godmother, please make me brown like the other bears. None of the lady bears want to be seen with me on account of the hunters can spot me from a mile off." She being a nice Fairy Godmother, takes out her magic wand and says, "You''re brown." The bear looks down and sees that he is, in fact, brown with the exception of the old twig and berries, they remain purple. He says, "What about my wedding tackle, they''re still purple! She says, "I don''t do genitals, you will have to see the Wizard of Oz for that." To this the bear replies, "Well that''s just dandy but how do I find the Wizard of Oz?" The Fairy Godmother answers; "That''s easy, just follow the yellow prick toad."

Would believe it if you said Gary Holt.

GRRRRR, Completely agree, Some people go for a pee 20 mins in, then leave early for half time drink, 40 mins seems to be the cue, thereby missing 5 mins plus added time. Then arrive back 5 mins sfter resumption, and finally leave on 80 mis. Why bother coming.

This has been bothering me too. I saw the guy who sells souvenirs by Carrow Bridge with them at the last home game. Whats the point? We dont like Leeds, The game was a normal league match, Its not as if its unusual for us to play Leeds. They are not a "special" club. Why did anyone buy them? I dont get it.

Yes , there was fighting between City and Leeds fans On POW Road, with Leeds fans getting the worst of it.

Headless chicken, lucky to earn good money doing what he was not very good at. obviously still upset to be released by City.

A very tired nurse walks into a bank, Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse And tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, She looks at the flabbergasted teller And without missing a beat, she says: ''Well, that''s great....that''s just great.... Some asshole''s got my pen!''

Pi***ck

Having worked all over the country,I have seen plenty of regional tv, and ours is no different to anywhere else. I agree its silly to get paranoid. Poeple do ridicule us, but people in other areas feel that they are just as ridiculed. Its not important.

Try The square ball, its another Leeds site .

Last time I went by car and found it easy to park in residential area, 10 min walk from ground.

BT advertising super super super fast broadband and Pinkun still v e r y s l o w

And they say that the kids these days are getting higher scores in their exams then we did in our day - how does that work!!! The following questions were set in last year''s GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)...........and they WILL breed. Q. Name the four seasons A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists Q. How is dew formed A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire Q. What causes the tides in the oceans A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election Q. What are steroids A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs (Shoot yourself now , there is little hope) Q.. What happens to your body as you age A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery (So true) Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death Q. What is artificial insemination A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow Q. How can you delay milk turning sour A. Keep it in the cow (Simple, but brilliant) Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen) A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U (What the *!!*???) Q. What is the fibula? A. A small lie Q. What does ''varicose'' mean? A. Nearby Q. What is the most common form of birth control A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium (That would work) Q. Give the meaning of the term ''Caesarean section'' A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome Q. What is a seizure? A. A Roman Emperor. (Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit) Q. What is a terminal illness A. When you are sick at the airport. (Irrefutable) Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a characteristic feature? A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp places and they look like umbrellas Q. Use the word ''judicious'' in a sentence to show you understand its meaning A. Hands that judicious can be soft as your face. (OMG) Q. What does the word ''benign'' mean? A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight Q. What is a turbine? A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head

a1 Canary, I too was made redundant last August at the age of 58. It was my third time. On Monday, I was offered a new job. So for me . it took 6 months to get back. I hope its quicker for you, but either way, you must stay positive . The best advice I had is that you must make finding a job, your job, thats to say work at it . The job centre will authorise your benefits , but they wont find you a job. Agencies are a mixed bunch, with many being next to useless. You will work out who can help you best. I was first made redundant 10 years ago, and when I went to the job centre, I felt that most people down there were work shy. This time there were also many hard working people who had lost good jobs through no fault of their own. Dont give up, you will find a new job.

My memory is of finding that I was sitting next to a drunken Sunderland fan. He had a bottle of whisky with him. He slept through most of the game , then when he woke up and realised that Norwich had won, he just shook my hand and said well done.

Send for the nit nurse. Anyone remember her from schooldays?

Jealousy.

I am expecting a huge meteorite to hit scumsville any day now. That will render this thread redundant.

Andrew Cullen was a pretty good ticket salesman. Before he left for MK, he said that if we were ever to become an established prem league side, that we could easily sell 35000 tickets.

Mind you some of our older female fans were impressive in those days, after the Man U fans rioted, one fell off the roof of the Barclay. He was put on a stretcher and promptly whacked by an old lady as she passed by.

Thats almost stalking.

Lower Barclay, Block A, several Hotties, Especially one lovely blonde on row T.

Just a keyboard wannabe. No problem wearing City colours in Ipswich, seen it many times, including young lad in full kit playing football with his mates. This idiot is just a fantasist.

Neall, Do you think we will get Huckerby, Crouch and Cooper on loan? PS Neall, where is Carra Rud?

You are all a bunch of drunken boozers and should be ashamed of youselves. OTBC hic!!!!!!!!!