Is Grant OK?

[Insider 0]

Hi Norwich fans,

Yesterday I cooked the usual meal of five chicken balti Pukka Pies followed by a chocolate cake. But Grant didn''t turn up. As I''m sure you can imagine, this distressed me greatly. Grant always comes straight home after training. I then decided to phone Paul Lambert. Mr Lambert was very polite, but unfortunately his voice sent me to sleep on the phone and I was unable to absorb the information he gave me. My eyes shut and I fell backwards, cracking my head on the kitchen floor. When I awoke an hour later, Grant had still not returned home. The chicken balti pies were now cold, so I decided to eat them one after the other. Despite not being warm, I enjoyed the flavours of the chicken very much indeed and this settled my nerves a little. The chocolate cake was equally satisfying. I still feel rather guilty about eating Grant''s portion - I fear that if he finds out about it, he will refuse to speak to me, so I am taking a big risk in contacting you all.

At 8pm the phone rang. I picked up. It was Mr Lambert again. He said something about ''squad rotation'', but I missed the rest as I was sent straight to sleep by his voice. When I awoke, I noticed that ''The Biggest Loser'' was on television. To my shock, my Grant was standing there, looking very emotional. Apparently they refused to allow him to take part due to ''medical reasons'' and he looked rather upset. I have to say, I was quite relieved that they wouldn''t let him participate. I watched the last series and it did involve an awful lot of running. I''m not sure my son would cope with that. He''s never really liked moving about. If the competition involved pushing people over and falling to the floor, I''m sure Grant would do incredibly well, but as it was something else, I think it''s best if he stays at home with his Mummy. I still haven''t heard from Grant and am starting to get very worried. He did look very upset on the TV. I don''t want him to lose weight. He already attracts very beautiful women - in fact I saw him out with Delia just the other day. Please, please, if any of you have seen him, let him know that I''m very concerned and that I''ve packed his lunchbox for tomorrow''s training session. I''ve put ten packets of Dorito''s in as a special treat.

Yours sincerely,

Ms Holt

xxx

[Jack Barak 46]

Congratulations for the most pointless post of the year so far!

[Levi Stubbs 0]

tumbleweed drifts idly past in the breeze....

[Jack Barak 46]

I had a Chinese takeaway for tea; a nice chicken and pineapple rice and salt & pepper ribs...lovely!

[a1canary 0]

QPR, Binner or Leeds? Due to the complete pointlessness of the post and the rather unfamiliar strangeness of it, I''m going QPR.

[lake district canary 0]

Has to be QPR fan - starting out all humourous then getting bitter and twisted - remind you of anyone?  Could  our Colin himself trying to get his own back..............and not succeeding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Bill 1,788]

I doubt it is a Leeds fan as the food doesn''t mention all those unwanted bits of the animal that southerners won''t eatI doubt it''s a binner as there is no mention of their glorious history (three world cups, nine Prime Ministers etc) although there might be a clue as the signing has it as Ms Holt which does suggest it is one of Mr Holts relatives, something that is common practice in suffolkhowever given we have now twice humiliated their silly, little jumped up club I would say it is most likely a fan of West London''s third club

[Gingerpele 0]

Its probably Neil Warnock....

[a1canary 0]

West London''s 3rd club? I think that''s very unfair on Brentford City1st.

[Cantiaci Canary 557]

God I wish I had this much time on my hands.

 

Haven''t you got homework to do?

[Mr Brownstone 0]

Comedy - You''re doing it wrong.

You and your tinpot club should be embarrassed.

[Show Me What You Gooot! 0]

I''ve seen your missing son, Mrs Holt. He''s with one of his mates Bradley. Last I saw of them they were running past me sniggering and laughing whilst waving a badly damaged QPR shirt above their heads. It looked abit blood stained and footprinty.

 

Didn''t think anything of it until I saw that sniveling little brat Joey walking past me about 5 minutes later with no shirt on, a black eye and a bleeding nose. He was muttering to himself something about being conned by someone I think. I had to laugh, so much so that alittle bit of wee-wee came out too.

 

Hope this helps.

[The ghost of Michael Theoklitos 0]

Dear Ms Holt,I think it''s best time for forgot about Grant. He''s moved on. He''s better than you now. Instead, I suggest you head back to your small boutique in West London, and concern yourself with how you''re going to entertain visitors more on your level. Barnsley. Bristol City. Maybe even Stevenage. Steve Morrison used to play for them you know? There''s another example of someone better than you.All the best for the future.Kind Regards,A club much better than you.

[mrs miggins 0]

whether this was a qpr or ipswich fan, epic fail.

at least make it funny when making fat jokes, just saying that he went on the biggest loser whilst you cooked some food for him is just a bit weird.

[Beauseant 0]

On a par with the QPR fan who called me a six fingered inbred on Twitter on Monday night. I just said it made it easier to count the points we''d taken off them this season.

[87canary 0]

Yes Ms. Holt.

Grant is fine. He''s out with the lads celebrating the 6 points.

Also heard they''re out shopping for some Colgate for Mr. Barton.

[Norfolk Mustard 94]

[quote user="Beauseant"]On a par with the QPR fan who called me a six fingered inbred on Twitter on Monday night. I just said it made it easier to count the points we''d taken off them this season.[/quote]

Brilliant!

[The ghost of Michael Theoklitos 0]

[quote user="Beauseant"]On a par with the QPR fan who called me a six fingered inbred on Twitter on Monday night. I just said it made it easier to count the points we''d taken off them this season.[/quote]This made me lol!

[norfolkchance1 0]

I think Loftus Road could do with a roof over the top and a sponsorship deal from Clarks shoes. Then they could call it the shoebox.

Or failing that just keep it the way it is and keep calling it the buffet. Everyone seems to help themselves to 3 points there!

I also love the way that you build all these London games against Chelsea, Tottenham, and Arsenal as big London derbies, to those clubs the games against QPR are just like having chewing gum stuck on the sole of their foot. I''m sure they think soon enough youll be gone and facing Millwall etc again.

[Hannibal 0]

Lets be honest if it was a straight slugging match between Barton and Brad who would your money be on? some little northern runt or the unit that is Bradley Johnson. Its a no brainer i wouldn''t even get to the end of the first round unless it was a dirty fight.