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A Load of Squit

Right Wing Jokes

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There's wat too much lefty bias on this board so here's a place some decent right wing jokes.

Feel free to post your favourite.

An Englishman, an Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar and the Englishman is thrown in jail, just for saying he's English, and the barman says "why the long sentence?" The Englishman sheds a single tear and says patriotically: this is Jeremy Corbyn's fault.

Why did the chicken cross the road? I mean, it could have claimed asylum where it was.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because there were gay people coming towards him, and he doesn't mind what they do in the privacy of their own homes, but he'd rather not see it in public, thank you.

“My wife’s gone to the West Indies” “Jamaica?” “No the Home Office did”

 

 

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At the British museum - "what's a Grecian Urn dad?"  ..... "About £3.50 an hour, but we're sending them all home come January" 

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Why do Marxists only drink tea made in tea bags?

Because proper tea is theft.

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I say, I say, I say

my dog's got no nose

how does he smell ?

of garlic, it's a French poodle

 

Waiter there’s a fly in my soup

I know, that's EU regulation 47g1/(c)

 

 A Pole, a Czech and a Romanian walked into a bar

and the barman said 'what will you have ? '

and they all said 'your job'

 

The teacher asked the boy in the front of the class

'if I had 3 apples, two pears and one banana, how much fruit would I have'

'I don't know' said the boy who was from Poland

'I cannot speak English'

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At breakfast : “Dad, I’m fed up with cocoa pops again, what do they have in Italy”? ..... “Muslini son,  that will set you alt right.

——-

Hitler and Stalin are meeting outside a war torn village near Warsaw to celebrate their invasion and dismembering of Poland. 

As they are being loaded onto trucks, the local Rabbi whispers to the village tailor, “look at them - how can anyone say there is any difference between a fascist and a communist”?

The tailor seems deep in thought, then his face brightens - “Rabbi, the fascists do have smarter uniforms” 

——-

After the UK’s economic collapse the Dutch took pity and gave everyone two healthy Friesian cows as a gesture of goodwill. 

Jeremy Corbin kept one and gave one to his Indian neighbor, who was not impressed as he now has to let it roam freely in his garden. 

William Rees-Mogg kept both his cows, sold the milk to the government at a premium as there was a shortage, and then claimed his free milk ration and farming in the community tax breaks.

Stating that they were “immigrants sponging off the welfare state” Nigel Farage shot both cows and continued to milk the government.

-----

Maggie Thatcher : knock knock.  

General Galtieri: who's there?  

MT: Falkland Islands. 

GG: I don't get it.

MT: And you never will.

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Terrorism is a terrible thing, but left wing terrorists are the worst. I know that right wing terrorists may sometimes shoot people, but left wing terrorists burn cars and it could have been my car! 

---

A friend and I are celebrating American leadership in flight, by building a 1903 replica airplane we have called the "Right Wing Flyer" Of course it doesn't actually fly - it's only got one wing after all - but hey we really owned the libs who wanted to build one with two called "Socialism"

 

Edited by Surfer

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Knock knock! 

Who's there? 

Jim Davidson. 

Jim Davidson who? 

Precisely. 

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A Gorilla walks into a bar, and orders a drink

The barman says 'we don’t see many gorillas in here'

'I know ' said the gorilla

'its political correctness gone mad, innit '

 

Two nuns in a bath

and one says

'where's the soap ?'

and the other one says

'it;s been banned by the EU'

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Why should Creationism be taught in schools?

Because it leaves less time to teach Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer.

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I look at Britain these days and think, "This is not the country my Grandad fought for." Mind you, he was in the Luftwaffe.

Hang on a minute.... So a bearded guy called J.C. wanted to help the poor and heal the sick but ends up getting crucified?

there's a book in this...

 

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Michael gove has admitted taking cocaine 20 years ago. Presumably to get that skeleton out of the closet before the tory leadership race starts .

The fact he snorted it off an underage prostitute's **** whilst being bummed senseless by a transvestite dominatrix wasn't mentioned.

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That Jeffrey Archer's had quite a life, Best selling author, Tory mp, ex con jailed for perjury and perverting the course of justice .. And now just bowled a super over to win England the cricket world cup .

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Peak right wing jokes are when a middle aged bloke says 'did you just assume my gender?' in reply to someone and 15 other middle aged blokes respond with the cry laughing emoji.

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6 minutes ago, king canary said:

Peak right wing jokes are when a middle aged bloke says 'did you just assume my gender?' in reply to someone and 15 other middle aged blokes respond with the cry laughing emoji.

🤣 

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A debate was raging in the supreme Soviet of the USSR.

The left wing wanted to abolish money as an exchange medium, while the right wing wanted to keep it.

Stalin, in his wisdom, suggested a compromise:

"Some people will have money and some people will have no money"

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Whats 12 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole?

Diane Abbot.

Its meant to be Jeremy Corbyns tie but I wanted to make it full of hate.

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4 minutes ago, keelansgrandad said:

Whats 12 inches long and hangs in front of an arsehole?

Diane Abbot.

Its meant to be Jeremy Corbyns tie but I wanted to make it full of hate.

Is she a midget or..?

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5 minutes ago, The Real Buh said:

Is she a midget or..?

Black, a woman, a Labour MP. How much hatred to you want to add. A midget?

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