NCFC ex-player limericks

[Mister Chops 7]

Or current players, if you prefer.

A right back called OtsemoborWas woefully dreadfully poorHis pace was electricHis brain epilepticDon''t mention the Colchester scoreYou get the idea.

[William Darby 0]

There once was a goalie called AndyHis skills weren''t particularly handyHe couldn''t kick straightSo they had a debateAnd was offered to Accrington Stanley

[Bws Cat 0]

A goalie from roar

Was terrible and poor

His hands were made of butter

With mistakes aflutter

He was better on the dance floor

Pretty crap but the best I could do.

[Mr Brownstone 0]

We once had a striker called Jamie Lad,

Who''s finishing was particularly bad,

It was so poor,

He couldn''t hit a barn door,

He made everyone but First Wizard mad.

[Mister Chops 7]

A left back called Victor SeguraTurned a feeble defence more unsurerWhen for offside he wavedIt was like a depravedGerman shouting "Seig Heil, mein Fuhrer!"

[Mister Chops 7]

That Irish winger, Keith O''NeillHad self-confidence that was unrealFrom the substitute''s benchCame a terrible wrench"No, I won''t sign a f##king new deal"

[William Darby 0]

Eadie whose fist was once shookEach spectacular goal he tookRetired during re-cessionAnd suffering from de-pressionDetails can be found in his new book.

[Sir Blobfish OBE 0]

Ex-player limericks? The sooner the international break is over, the better.

[lake district canary 0]

There once was a player called Black

Who used to get terrible flack.

He kicked the ball high,

Up into the sky,

So high that it didn''t come back!

 

 

[im spartacus canary 0]

there was a man called brellier

who was suppoesed to be a midfield terrier

they called him the judge

but i think  he packed fudge

so lightweight he got pissed on perrier

[Mr Brownstone 0]

We had a right back called Bradshaw,

Who left his opponents on the floor,

He fancied a kebab,

So got in a cab,

But ended up in trouble with the law.

[djc 0]

We once had a striker called Coney,

Who played like a load of old pony,

He only once scored a goal,

Which went in off his a***hole,

I think he was really a phoney.

[djc 0]

We once had a captain, Fotheringham

Was as much use as a tin of spam

He fozzy-flicked with his heel

Always clapped like a seal

The guy was a total sham!

[flecky76 0]

You beat me to it djc, but I''ll put my version down also...

We once had a striker called Coney,

Who turned out to be somewhat pony.

He only scored one,

And came off his bum,

The part that''s a tad bit boney.

[lake district canary 0]

Although I am not really a prude,

I find some of these rather rude,

For a rhyming pair

You don''t have to swear

So don''t be so f***ing  crude!

[:P]

 

[flecky76 0]

There once was a striker named Doc

Who had the pace of a crock.

He was moved to the back

And still he was cack

And the fans continued to mock.

[flecky76 0]

There once was a boss named Lambert

But left and the fans felt so hurt.

He was viewed as a foe

But it did not prove so,

As his career turned into dog-dirt

[im spartacus canary 0]

there was a man called jason shackell

who showed to dean ashton his tackle

dean said ouch that was hard

you deserve a red card

and our season became a debacle

 

 

[Zak Van Burger 0]

A Scottish goalkeeper named Gunn Said there''s just the one job I''ve not doneAt Norwich, that''s manage To hell with the damageHow hard can it be sounds like fun.

[lake district canary 0]

There once was a manager spelled Hughton

Whose name should rhyme with Luton

If you can''t get it right

Your supporting is sh*te.

Of that there is no disputin!

 

[im spartacus canary 0]

there once was a man called carl cort

and his groceries in asda he bought

by the time that we signed him

his best years were behind him

now theres no more sightings to report

[Tim Allman 1]

There once was a full back named Kenton

Who holidayed with his pet dog Fenton

They didn’t like Grimbsy

Or Hemsby or Scratby

So they ended up in Southampton

[Zak Van Burger 0]

A goalie from Oz came to play for us,His name was Michael TheoklitosHe let seven goals inHis skills were so grim,That the plank couldn''t catch the team bus

[im spartacus canary 0]

there once was a player called cody

who was a bit of an ugly toadie

his surnames mcdonald

we might as well have signed ronald

now he works for ollie murs as a roadie

[dpit 1]

That manager who looks like a moose

Is ex city defender Steve Bruce

He scored gainst the Scum

In the year that we won

The cup named after cow juice

[im spartacus canary 0]

there once was a man called glenn roeder

who looked like a rat nibbling gouda

he started so well

then it all went to hell

 

now hes on taxi ranks in his skoda

[dpit 1]

Soon to be ex player i hope

Oh dear the opponents have scored

And its the fault of Elliot Ward

A mis placed back pass

Left for dead on his arse

To put it mildly, he''s flawed

[Yobocop 1,105]

Elliot ward the most underrated defender of them all

Had one bad performance v liverpool

The rest of the time

He was so sublime

But as usual, the inbreds must be cruel

Dion Dublin was a real force

When he signed for us, of course

Was it Darren who said?

Or Jason who wanted him in bed

Coz dion was hung like a horse

[Mr Brownstone 0]

We have a striker named Chris Martin,

Who was once accused of startin,

A fight in a pub,

So was dropped to a sub,

But 2 promotions he still played a huge part in.

[Katie Borkins 1]

A young Scottish striker called Fleck

Was lethal with balls on the deck

Off to Chelsea he went

His career was mis-spent

And he came back a tired, nervous wreck

 

 

A football chairman called Chase

Had buildings all over the place

To get more bricks in the hod

He sold off half the squad

And the whole club fell flat on its face