As it is Friday.....

[Shack Attack 0]

You can get away with posting any old b*llocks in this forum. So rather than copying and pasting old jokes about dumb Irishmen may I instead point you in the direction of this excellent blog about the Denmark side of the mid eighties

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2009/oct/13/forgotten-story-denmark-1980s

It is rather lengthy but it''s worth it.....honest

And it also provides a link to the official FIFA film of the 1986 World Cup. Warning....Includes Diego Maradona and ''that'' goal.

http://www.frontlinefootball.com/Video-Stories/world-cup-1986-film/

Enjoy.

[Diesel Doris 130]

A professor at the University of Sydney was giving a lecture on "Involuntary muscular contractions" to his first year students.Realising this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said "Do you know what your @r$ehole is doing while you''re having an orgasm?" She replied, "Probably fishing with his mates". It took 45 minutes to restore order to the classroom.[:D]

[Dicky 0]

I bought a packet of sausages from Sainsburys yesterday, with a picture of Jamie Oliver on the front. On the back it said "prick with fork".  I''ll get my coat.

[Dicky 0]

Was meant to say pr1ck

[First Wazzock 1,011]

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems...   

     
''Dactor, it''s me ahrse. I''d loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot''.

So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look.

''Incredible ''he says, ''there is a £20 note lodged up here.''

Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man''s bottom, and then a £10 pound note appears.

''This is amazing!''exclaims the Doctor. ''''What do you want me to do?''

''Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man! ''shrieks the patient.

The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears,
and another and another and another, etc.....

Finally the last note comes out and no more appear.

''Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat''s moch batter.
Just out of interest, how moch was in dare den?''

The Doctor counts the pile of cash and says''£1,990 exactly.''    
         

''Ah, dat''d be roit,'''' says the Irishman
 

''I knew I wasn''t feeling two grand..''
 

[B-ru 0]

Brilliant Wazzock!

[First Wazzock 1,011]

A man asked his wife what she''d like for her birthday.

I''d love to be eight again" she replied

On the morning of her birthday he arose early, made her a nice big Bowl of Coco-Pops and then took her off to the local theme park.

What a Day!

 He put her on every ride in the park:

 * The Death Slide

 * The Wall of Fear

 * The Screaming Monster Roller Coaster

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park.

Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away they journeyed to a McDonalds where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a Refreshing chocolate milk-shake.

Then it was off to the movies: the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, Pop-corn, all the Coke she could drink, her favourite ice-lolly and M&Ms.

What a fabulous adventure!

 

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed onto the bed exhausted .

He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked "Well Dear, what was it like being eight again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed ..

"I meant my dress size, you tw*t"

 

The moral of this story : - Even when a man is listening, he''s still gonna get it wrong!!!!!

[Beauseant 0]

[quote user="Shack Attack"]You can get away with posting any old b*llocks in this forum. So rather than copying and pasting old jokes about dumb Irishmen may I instead point you in the direction of this excellent blog about the Denmark side of the mid eighties http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2009/oct/13/forgotten-story-denmark-1980s It is rather lengthy but it''s worth it.....honest And it also provides a link to the official FIFA film of the 1986 World Cup. Warning....Includes Diego Maradona and ''that'' goal. http://www.frontlinefootball.com/Video-Stories/world-cup-1986-film/ Enjoy.[/quote]

 

So much for your attempt to be highbrow Shack! I''m off to cut and paste some dumb Irishmen jokes on the Butler''s thread[:P][;)]

[ur just a man in a jacket 0]

buying 19p tins of baked beans? thats asda price.

selling toy cars in packs? that fisher price. s

elling cheap rape stories to the papers? thats katie price.

[ur just a man in a jacket 0]

a fat girl goes to the doctors and asks....when i give my boyfriend head i swallow...how many calories are there in his sex juice? the doctor says "look, if you swallow, no one cares how fat you are".

[Shack Attack 0]

[quote user="Beauseant"]

So much for your attempt to be highbrow Shack! I''m off to cut and paste some dumb Irishmen jokes on the Butler''s thread[:P][;)]

[/quote]

Oh well, I thought it was interesting. Obviously I should have put in ''Other Football'' but if the Friday joke thread doesn''t go in ''It''s Not Just Football'' then why should I? I half expected it to get no comments and then get moved by Pete which is why I used the thread title I did to make a small and reasonably pathetic point.

If you can come up with an Oirish joke that twists the stereotype the other way and makes the reader think a bit whilst still being funny then I''ll laugh along. Otherwise you (well Wazz actually) are just telling the same joke over and over again [|-)]

And you have to admit that Danish kit from ''86 was very, very cool

[missing in action? 0]

Dear Matt Lucas,firstly, can i please offer my condolences to you during what must be a very distressing time for you. i understand your pain as i lost my partner as well. It was devastating. However, i have decided not to dwell on the past, and i am looking towards the future. And i would hope you would choose to be a part of it. I like you Matt, your are nice, funny and you remind me of my lost love one.yours sincerelyJack Tweed

[Mook 0]

[quote user="Shack Attack"]You can get away with posting any old b*llocks in this forum. So rather than copying and pasting old jokes about dumb Irishmen may I instead point you in the direction of this excellent blog about the Denmark side of the mid eighties

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/blog/2009/oct/13/forgotten-story-denmark-1980s

It is rather lengthy but it''s worth it.....honest

And it also provides a link to the official FIFA film of the 1986 World Cup. Warning....Includes Diego Maradona and ''that'' goal.

http://www.frontlinefootball.com/Video-Stories/world-cup-1986-film/

Enjoy.[/quote]Shack, thanks for this! It''s a refreshing change to read about pure

football, tactical and technical, rather than board members, coaching

staff, players we haven''t signed and what league we should be in. Oh,

and Doherty. And really bad racial stereotype jokes.

[barclay46 0]

Every mans dream.His son on the front cover of a sports mag.His daughter on the front cover of Vogue mag. His mistress on the front cover of Playboy and his wife on the front cover of Missing Persons!!!

[Yobocop 1,444]

Stolen from a good friend of mine who reads these boards but doesn''t contribute:

Things are bad at home. She says she''s sick of me!

Football, Rugby, Cricket and Golf always SPORT on the telly.

Anyway, I booked a quiet table for 2 last night to try and patch things up. By 9pm things were 10 times worse!

She hadn''t potted a single red.....

[Arthur Whittle 0]

[quote user="Shack Attack"][quote user="Beauseant"]

So much for your attempt to be highbrow Shack! I''m off to cut and paste some dumb Irishmen jokes on the Butler''s thread[:P][;)]

[/quote]

Oh well, I thought it was interesting. Obviously I should have put in ''Other Football'' but if the Friday joke thread doesn''t go in ''It''s Not Just Football'' then why should I? I half expected it to get no comments and then get moved by Pete which is why I used the thread title I did to make a small and reasonably pathetic point.

If you can come up with an Oirish joke that twists the stereotype the other way and makes the reader think a bit whilst still being funny then I''ll laugh along. Otherwise you (well Wazz actually) are just telling the same joke over and over again [|-)]

And you have to admit that Danish kit from ''86 was very, very cool

[/quote]

Sorry Shack mate but i can''t think of any busy bodied,Interfering,Pedantic,Guardinsta jokes......[;)], So i''ll stick to what i know best.

Paddy and Murphy arrive at a fancy dress party. Theme is emotions. Most people dressed in colours associated with fellings. Red-anger,Green-Envy,yellow-jealousy. They looked shocked to see paddy naked with his willy lodged in a pear and murphy with his in custard. When asked what they had come as paddy replies "well oi''m deep in dis-pear and Murphy said "an oi''m fockin dis-custard"......