The Butler 0 Posted March 23, 2009 It''s going to be a slow week for City fans with no match coming up. So as your thoughts turn to the economy Money and lack of. I thought I would share these with you.21 Economic Models Explained SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.Hope you enjoyed Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ricardo 8,033 Posted March 23, 2009 NCFC CorporationYou cannot afford cows of your own so you borrow two.Neither produce milk, so you send them back to Scotland but still have to pay to feed them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Voice Of Reason 0 Posted March 23, 2009 NCFC, you have two cows, you sell one to a Championship rival for less than you paid six months ago because he hasn''t played any games (ok so he had a broken leg when we bought him and we nursed him back to health) and take a donkey on loan for the rest of the season. The agents are loving it in the club restaurant counting the money. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Butler 0 Posted March 23, 2009 [quote user="ricardo"]NCFC CorporationYou cannot afford cows of your own so you borrow two.Neither produce milk, so you send them back to Scotland but still have to pay to feed them.[/quote]Nice one will add to the list[:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ron obvious 1,711 Posted March 23, 2009 Nice one Ricardo! Bit like shooting cows in a barrel though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bury Yellow 2 Posted March 23, 2009 Thanks all. Very enjoyable on a miserable Monday morning.You all deserve a (cow) pat on the back. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
gazzathegreat 0 Posted March 23, 2009 Good stuff Butler, do you have a degree in politics or something? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
city-till-i-die 7 Posted March 23, 2009 [quote user="ricardo"]NCFC CorporationYou cannot afford cows of your own so you borrow two.Neither produce milk, so you send them back to Scotland but still have to pay to feed them.[/quote]lol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
city-till-i-die 7 Posted March 23, 2009 [quote user="The Butler"]It''s going to be a slow week for City fans with no match coming up. So as your thoughts turn to the economy Money and lack of. I thought I would share these with you.21 Economic Models Explained SOCIALISM You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour. COMMUNISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk. FASCISM You have 2 cows.The State takes both and sells you some milk. NAZISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you. BUREAUCRATISM You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income. SURREALISM You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead. ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND VENTURE CAPITALISM You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull. A FRENCH CORPORATION You have two cows. You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows. A JAPANESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide. A GERMAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are. You decide to have lunch. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. A SWISS CORPORATION You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them. A CHINESE CORPORATION You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation. AN INDIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. You worship them. A BRITISH CORPORATION You have two cows. Both are mad. AN IRAQI CORPORATION Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy. AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate. A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.Hope you enjoyed [/quote]very good butler [Y]made me chuckle Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Beauseant 0 Posted March 23, 2009 Absolutely brilliant. Made me laugh like mad after a really bad day![Y][:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YankeeCanary 0 Posted March 23, 2009 Most Muslim Countries50% of the population are cowsThey have to disguise themselves to pretend they are not cows........or run away to a foreign field if they want to look like a cowEven then, their Muslim bulls may come after themThe day will come when they can stay home and be a cowForgive the serious tone or the political incorrectness for the more sensitive among you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
First Wazzock 1,010 Posted March 23, 2009 A guy sees a sign in front of a house in Luton: "Talking Dog for Sale."He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there. "You talk?" he asks. "Sure do." the dog replies. "So, what''s your story?" The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the MI5 about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.""The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn''t getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in." "I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I''m just retired." The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog. The owner says, "Ten quid." The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?" "Cause he''s a liar. He didn''t do any of that s***." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RN Canary 0 Posted March 24, 2009 [quote user="The Butler"][quote user="ricardo"] NCFC CorporationYou cannot afford cows of your own so you borrow two.Neither produce milk, so you send them back to Scotland but still have to pay to feed them.[/quote]Nice one will add to the list[:D][/quote] QUALITY!!!!!!! laughed my c!%k right off ha ha!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
can u sit down please 0 Posted May 20, 2010 An old post but i always search for it when i want a laugh!Can anymore anaolgies be applied to it? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nuff Said 5,960 Posted May 20, 2010 I missed this the first time around - it''s top quality. [:D]How about:The Coalition CowYou want to become the official village milk supplier because no-one likes Farmer Brown, his cows are old and tired and his milk tastes sour. But you need two cows and you only have one big cow. So you have a word with Farmer Clegg who has a smaller cow, but between you, you produce more milk than Farmer Brown.People are excited with the change in the world of milk but unfortunately you want to make yoghurt and Farmer Clegg wants to make cheese. Cheesy yoghurt is a flop and everyone goes to Tesco instead. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Woman in the Stands (WITS) 0 Posted May 20, 2010 BEST LAWYER/INSURANCE STORY OF THE YEAR, DECADE, AND POSSIBLY THE CENTURY.This took place in Charlotte North Carolina. A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, fire.Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed a claim against the insurance company.In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost ''in a series of small fires..'' The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason, that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion.The lawyer sued and WON! (Stay with me.)Delivering the ruling, the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company, in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be unacceptable ''fire'' and was obligated to pay the claim.Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000 to the lawyer for his loss of the cigars that perished in the ''fires''.NOW FOR THE BEST PART...After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON!!!With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case being used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000 fine. This true story won First Place in last year''s Criminal Lawyers Award contest.ONLY IN AMERICA .... NO WONDER THE REST OF THE WORLD THINKS THEY''RE NUTS. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
