Woman in the Stands (WITS)

[quote user="pete norw"] Can I bring my blow up doll? her name is Rachel, [/quote]Has she made an appearance before? Only I recall seeing one bouncing up and down in the Lower Barclay against Carlisle last season [;)]

For the final week I''m going to toddle over to France and go for Nancy v Lille  away win18th v 1stGood luck peepsSee some of you tonight for the quiz.

GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMANBetween 18 & 22, a woman is like Africa .... half discovered, half wild; naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.Between 23 & 30, a woman is like America .... well-developed and open to trade, especially for high finance investors.Between 31 & 45, a woman is like India .... very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.Between 46 & 55, a woman is like France ....  gently ageing but sensual with an appreciation for the finer things.Between 56 & 60, she is like Yugoslavia .... lost the war, haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction.From 61, a woman is like Afghanistan .... everyone knows where it is but no-one wants to go there. THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN Between 15 & 80, a man is like Libya .... ruled by a dick.

Following the death of Eddie Stobart recently, Hollywood has decided to make a movie about him.I''ve just seen the trailer.

A samaritan''s hotline has been set up for Ipswich fans.The number is 515151.Should that be busy, the alternative numbers are 414141 or 929292.

I was there and missed seeing this [:''(]Are there any piccies? Googled thread topic but none showing.Saw Crofts get his shorts pulled down though [:P]

[quote user="Moanin Riverender"]Anybody going dressed as Russell Martin ?[/quote]Err .... Russel Martin perhaps? lol [:P]

Sounds like we might need to get there earlier Henry! lol

I have been asked by Danny, from EFW, to post the link below for an article on NCFC. An excellent piece was written on us last season.[url]http://europeanfootballweekends.blogspot.com/2011/05/ipswich-town-v-norwich-city.html[/url]It''s an interesting perspective of our demolition of them down the road.  

Well, not publicly CF [;)]

Is it past its use-by-date?If you can''t tell the difference between your ice cubes and your ice-cream, it''s time to throw them out.When something starts pecking its way out of the shell, the egg is probably past its prime.Milk is off when it starts to look like yoghurt. Yoghurt is off when it starts to look like cottage cheese. Cottage cheese is off when it starts to look like cheese. Cheese is nothing but off milk anyway, so if you can dig down and still find something no-green, bon appetit!Any canned goods that have become the size of a football should be disposed of very carefully.Fresh potatoes should not have roots, branches or dense, leafy undergrowth.It is generally a good rule of thumb that cereal should be discarded when it no longer falls out the box by itself. Happy munching [:D]

Given that it''s Michael Oliver, it''s a fair point .... we''ve got D''Urso Monday and lots of people are moaning about that too.

Why do men die first? This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries, but now we know. It requires a bit of explanation, first: If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race ... you''re a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework ... you''re a pansy. If you work too hard ... there''s never any time for her. If you don''t work enough ..... you''re a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay ... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay ..... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her ... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you ..... its equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks ... its sexual harassment. If you keep quiet ..... its male indifference. If you cry ... you''re a wimp. If you don''t ..... you''re an insensitive bastard. If you make a decision without consulting her ...... you''re a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she''s a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn''t enjoy ... that''s domination. If SHE asks you ... it''s a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear ..... you''re a pervert. If you don''t ... you''re gay. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape ... you''re sexist. If you don''t ... you''re unromantic. If you try to keep yourself in shape ..... you''re vain. If you don''t ... you''re a slob. If you buy her flowers ... you''re after something. If you don''t ... you''re not thoughtful. If you''re proud of your achievements ... you''re full of yourself. If you don''t ... you''re not ambitious. If she has a headache ... she''s tired. If you have a headache ..... you don''t love her anymore. If you want it too often ... you''re oversexed. If you don''t ... there must be someone else. Why do men die first? ...Simple...  Because they want to.

Have switched to Last one to reply thread so as not to irritate any other joke thread readers CF [:)]Make ''em work for the gossip lol

How the internet started: Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here''s the TRUE story .... In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called....... Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load - but simply said: "How, dear?" And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by.... Uriah''s Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - .....Hebrew To The People (HTTP) But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham''s drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham''s business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted - for insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com''s trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates'' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel , or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot ....replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO", said Abraham. And because it was Dot''s idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham''s cousin, Joshua, being the young.. Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot''s drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as.... God''s Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE). And that is how it all began. So now you know............

[quote user="CharlieFarlie"]Hi WITS , Long time since we have spoke , tried to get your attention at  Derby ( what a finish) How have you been , are you going to Pompey ? [/quote]Wotcha CF!Am fine thanks, you?I did look to the Upper Barclay at Derby but you obviously weren''t looking when I was and vice versa lol. Yep off to Pompey, are you?

In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that  plastic bags weren''t  good for the environment.  The woman apologized to her and  explained, "We didn''t have the green thing back in my  day." That''s right, they didn''t have the green thing in her day.  Back then, they returned their  milk bottles, Coke bottles and beer  bottles to the store.The store sent them back to the  plant to be  washed and sterilized and refilled, using the same bottles over and over.  So  they really were recycled......  But they didn''t have the green thing back her day. In her day, they  walked up stairs, because they didn''t have an escalator in every store  and office building.       They  walked to the grocery store and didn''t climb into a 300-  horsepower machine every time they  had to go two blocks. But she''s right. They didn''t have the green thing  in her day. Back then, they washed the baby''s diapers because they  didn''t have the throw-away  kind. They dried clothes on a line,  not in an energy gobbling machine burning up  220 volts -  wind and solar power really did  dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down  clothes  from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that  old  lady is right, they didn''t have the  green thing back in her day. Back then, they had one TV, or radio,  in the house - not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen  the size of a pizza dish, not a screen the size of the  state of  Montana . In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they  didn''t have electric machines to do  everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the  mail, they used wadded up newspaper to cushion it, not styrofoam or  plastic bubble wrap. Back then, they didn''t fire up an  engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn.  They used a  push mower that ran on human power.   They exercised by working  so they didn''t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills  that operate on  electricity. But she''s right, they  didn''t have the green thing back then. They drank  from a fountain when they were thirsty, instead of using a cup or a  plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They  refilled pens with ink,  instead of buying a new pen, and  they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead  of throwing  away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.  Back then,  people took the streetcar and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the  school bus, instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi  service. They had one  electrical outlet in a room, not an  entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn''t  need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites  2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza  joint. But that old lady is right..........  They didn''t have the green  thing back in her  day.

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here''s an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage...WHY? Because women realize it''s not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage. Men are like.... 1. Men are like Laxatives . They irritate the crap out of you.   2 Men are like. Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are. 3.Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them. 4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you''re not quite sure why. 5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips. 6. Men are like Commercials . You can''t believe a word they say. 7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off! 8.Men are like .... Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature. 9. Men are like ... Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion. 10.Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while. 11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they''re coming, how many inches you''ll get or how long it will last. 12. Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright. 13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

LADIES WHO LUNCH   A group of 40-year-old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for  Lunch. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean  View restaurant because the waiters there had tight pants and nice bums. 10 years later at 50 years of age, the group once again discussed where  They should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet  At the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was very good, The wine selection was good also, and the waiters were cute. 10 years later at 60 years of age, the group once again discussed where  They should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they should meet  At the Ocean View restaurant because they could eat there in peace and  Quiet, the restaurant had a beautiful view of the ocean, and the  Waiters were sweet boys.   10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group once again discussed  Where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they  Should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the restaurant was  Wheel chair accessible, they even had an elevator, and the waiters were  Kind.   10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group once again discussed  Where they should meet for lunch. Finally it was agreed that they  Should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been  There before.

A woman was in a jeweller''s admiring a big diamond ring. As she bent down for a closer look, a little f@rt slipped out. Hoping no-one had noticed, she asked how much the ring was.The jeweller replied, ''Madam, if you f@rted looking at it, you''ll pooh your pants when I tell you the price!''

I bought a new stick deodorant today. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom.I can hardly walk but whenever I f@rt, the room smells fantastic!

[quote user="Arthur Whittle"]  Yep there are two woolpacks [off St Georges street] and they will show the game aswell! [/quote]Clearly the breweries/hostelry owners didn''t stray too far afield within the city walls when naming the pubs all those years ago lol

... I don''t know why I''m a pundit on the Football League Show because I talk a load of cr@p but the pay''s ok and I get to see Lizzie in those tight tops [:P]

Off to Portugal this week and I reckon it''ll beSetubal v FC Porto  away win14th v 1stFC Porto have won 11 of their 13 away fixtures this season and all 14 of their home fixtures whereas Setubal have only won 4 home fixtures.Good luck peeps

Grr - Killjoy [:@] Anything else just wouldn''t be Norwich  lol  [;)]