My Mum is poor. Part 2

[Tony Harrison 0]

My mum is still poor. She won''t let me on her computer so I am round my mates. She has been going through the free-ads and ringing people up to ask about a "proven goal scorer for under a tenner", then she  says " don''t f***ing laugh at me Mr Ashley, or I will put mashed potato in your chocolate cake and I know how much you like chocolate cake you fat geordie B******d"

A mate of mum''s told her down the bingo that Aldi were doing two "experienced , proven goalscorers with the ability to link up play" for the price of one. She made me ring her a cab (she''d bin on the wine again) but when she came back she said it was bottles of rola-cola and not footballers that were cheap.

This morning creepy-smelly mr doncaster took my mum to a police auction. They had heard that you could get "experienced , proven goalscorers with the abiltiy to link up play" that other teams had stolen and then when they got arrested and put into prison the police sell the strikers to the public for really, really cheap. This wasn''t true, you could only get cars and bicycles.

After the auction they went driving round the country lanes because someone who works at "yellas" said some premier managers had been flytipping centrefowards because NORFOLK COUNTY COUNCIL  would not let them drop them at the tip. Suprisingly there were not many proven premier league goalscorers laying by the side of the road but mr doncaster got some magazines and my mum got some more wine.

I love my mum but I wish she would give up her expensive habit. She just can''t afford it no more.

[Mister Chops 7]

You should do this as stand up, it would go across really well.

[city-till-i-die 7]

[quote user="Tony Harrison"]

My mum is still poor. She won''t let me on her computer so I am round my mates. She has been going through the free-ads and ringing people up to ask about a "proven goal scorer for under a tenner", then she  says " don''t f***ing laugh at me Mr Ashley, or I will put mashed potato in your chocolate cake and I know how much you like chocolate cake you fat geordie B******d"

A mate of mum''s told her down the bingo that Aldi were doing two "experienced , proven goalscorers with the ability to link up play" for the price of one. She made me ring her a cab (she''d bin on the wine again) but when she came back she said it was bottles of rola-cola and not footballers that were cheap.

This morning creepy-smelly mr doncaster took my mum to a police auction. They had heard that you could get "experienced , proven goalscorers with the abiltiy to link up play" that other teams had stolen and then when they got arrested and put into prison the police sell the strikers to the public for really, really cheap. This wasn''t true, you could only get cars and bicycles.

After the auction they went driving round the country lanes because someone who works at "yellas" said some premier managers had been flytipping centrefowards because NORFOLK COUNTY COUNCIL  would not let them drop them at the tip. Suprisingly there were not many proven premier league goalscorers laying by the side of the road but mr doncaster got some magazines and my mum got some more wine.

I love my mum but I wish she would give up her expensive habit. She just can''t afford it no more.

[/quote]lol...v funny

[Beauseant 0]

[quote user="city-till-i-die"][quote user="Tony Harrison"]

My mum is still poor. She won''t let me on her computer so I am round my mates. She has been going through the free-ads and ringing people up to ask about a "proven goal scorer for under a tenner", then she  says " don''t f***ing laugh at me Mr Ashley, or I will put mashed potato in your chocolate cake and I know how much you like chocolate cake you fat geordie B******d"

A mate of mum''s told her down the bingo that Aldi were doing two "experienced , proven goalscorers with the ability to link up play" for the price of one. She made me ring her a cab (she''d bin on the wine again) but when she came back she said it was bottles of rola-cola and not footballers that were cheap.

This morning creepy-smelly mr doncaster took my mum to a police auction. They had heard that you could get "experienced , proven goalscorers with the abiltiy to link up play" that other teams had stolen and then when they got arrested and put into prison the police sell the strikers to the public for really, really cheap. This wasn''t true, you could only get cars and bicycles.

After the auction they went driving round the country lanes because someone who works at "yellas" said some premier managers had been flytipping centrefowards because NORFOLK COUNTY COUNCIL  would not let them drop them at the tip. Suprisingly there were not many proven premier league goalscorers laying by the side of the road but mr doncaster got some magazines and my mum got some more wine.

I love my mum but I wish she would give up her expensive habit. She just can''t afford it no more.

[/quote]lol...v funny[/quote]

 

Yes,another cracker Tony!

[Mr Brownstone 0]

Lol! It''s an outrage!

[Shyster 0]

Much better than Part 1 - keep ''em coming.

[Marty 0]

Am I the only one not amused by this? maybe my humour is too advanced?

[Mister Chops 7]

[quote user="Marty"]Am I the only one not amused by this? maybe my humour is too advanced?[/quote]Your "advanced" state being exemplified by your avatar, of course.Try reading it out loud in a simple voice.

[Jerzy Krukowski 5]

[quote user="Marty"]Am I the only one not amused by this? maybe my humour is too advanced?[/quote]

No, honest, it''s dead funny, made me lol m8. Especially the bit about smelly Doncaster, cos he is. You must be just borin

[Tony Harrison 0]

At last! I have been waiting over 4 weeks for someone to say that. Do you think that Luke Chadwick looks a little bit like Milky Joe?

[Paul Spector 0]

You''re not the only one - I didn''t find it remotely funny either.

[Mr Brownstone 0]

Haha! Yeah, there are a few similarities! Maybe The Hitcher is the answer to our goal scoring problems?!

[Camuldonum 0]

Purely as an aside to police auctions, I am sorry that Mr Doncaster and your Mum were unlucky on this occasion in finding proven goalscorers with the ability to do link up play but they are occasionally worth looking at by mortals not interested in football as Pc Plod has usually no clue as to the value of any item they are selling. (Nothing new there, then).

Last year a friend (an expert in his field) spotted under Antiques: "Small vase with three circles of writing in Chinese."

In the absence on the Bumblebee Auctions web site of the facility to "get larger image" he took a trip to a Derbyshire police station and asked if he could look at the item.  After a delay of several hours while Pc Plod "processed a request" he was allowed to do so. 

In fairness, he didn''t tell them he had driven 300 miles to do so.

Emboldened, he bid £40 at the last minute and had to drive all the way back to Derbyshire to collect it.  Collection Only: Bless.

Friend says: "Ming with three circles of ritual writing is quite hard to come across.  They are mostly fairly plain and ritual writing is sought after."

So it was proved.  Sold at Christie''s last September for £21,800.

Also my Mum is poorer than your Mum.  She lives in Lincoln.