The Butler 0 Posted February 13, 2009 These are genuine!! BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn''t my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There''s a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don''t know. Stewart White: I''ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm Stewart White: Correct. And if you''re not weak, you''re...? Contestant: Strong. Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten''s first name? Contestant: Louis Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let''s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don''t know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party. BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? UNIVERSITY CHALLENGEBamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi''s first name? Contestant: Goosey? GWR FM (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don''t know, I wasn''t watching it then. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO?MANCHESTER) Phil: What''s 11 squared? Contestant: I don''t know. Phil: I''ll give you a clue. It''s two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five? RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? Contestant: Forrest Gump. RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. . .. Richard: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . .... Richard: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street? LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I''m sorry, I don''t know the names of any countries inSpain. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world''s largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific. ROCK FM (PRESTON) Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in1918? Contestant: Magna Carta? JAMES O''BRIEN SHOW (LBC) James O''Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER....Three? CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn''t hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er .....Mexico? PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israellast? Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days. DARYL DENHAM''S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It''s a bad line. Did you say Israel ? Contestant: No. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Phil Wood: What ''K'' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er. .. .. Phil Wood: It''s got two syllables . . . Kor . . Contestant: Blimey? Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence) Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked? THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia. LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That''s close enough. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Canary02 III 0 Posted February 13, 2009 Brilliant Butler, great work, I nearly had an asthma attack laughing at some of those![:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kick it off 1,952 Posted February 13, 2009 Butler, you have really made me smile today, i''ve had an utterly rubbish smile, and twice i''ve come on here and seen posts from you that have really made me smile. Thank you, you have really brightened up my day.To add to this post:Family Fortunes:Les Dennis - Name a fruit with a stone inside it.Contestant - ummmmm, ummmmmm, a scone? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kick it off 1,952 Posted February 13, 2009 obviously that should say utterly rubbish day, not utterly rubbish smile.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
missing in action? 0 Posted February 13, 2009 [quote user="kick it off"]Butler, you have really made me smile today, i''ve had an utterly rubbish smile, and twice i''ve come on here and seen posts from you that have really made me smile. Thank you, you have really brightened up my day.To add to this post:Family Fortunes:Les Dennis - Name a fruit with a stone inside it.Contestant - ummmmm, ummmmmm, a scone?[/quote]name a bird with a long neckA. Denise van outen....name a dangerous raceA. the arabs Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kick it off 1,952 Posted February 13, 2009 THE WEAKEST LINKAnne Robinson: In traffic, what "J" is where two roads meet?Contestant: Jool carriageway.Anne Robinson: Which Italian city is overlooked by Vesuvius?Contestant: Bombay.Anne Robinson: What insect is commonly found hovering above lakes?Contestant: Crocodiles.Anne Robinson: Wh...?Contestant (interrupting): Pass!Anne Robinson: In olden times,! what were minstrels, travelling entertainers or chocolate salesmen?Contestant: Chocolate salesmen.Anne Robinson: The Bible, the New Testament. The Four Gospels were written by Matthew, Mark, Luke and...?Contestant: (long pause) Joe?AnneRobinson: Who was a famous Indian leader, whose name begins with G,revered by millions, who was assassinated and received a state funeral?Contestant: Geronimo!NATIONAL LOTTERY JET SETEamonn Holmes: What''s the name of the playwright commonly known by the initials G.B.S.?Contestant: William Shakespeare.FAMILY FORTUNES (some edited to avoid repetition)1) Something a blind man might use? - A Sword2) A song with the word Moon in the title? - Blue Suede Moon3) Name the capital of France? - F5) Name an occupation where you might need a torch? - A burglar6) Where is the Taj Mahal? - Opposite the Dental Hospital7) What is Hitler''s first name? - Heil8) A famous Scotsman? - Jock9) Some famous brothers? - Bonnie and Clyde.11) Something that floats in a bath? - Water12) An item of clothing worn by the Three Musketeers? - A horse13) Something you wear on a beach? - A deckchair14) A famous Royal? - Mail15) Something that flies that doesn''t have an engine? - A bicycle with wings (my personal favourite!!)STEVE WRIGHT SHOW, RADIO 2Wright: On which continent would you find the River Danube?Contestant: India.Wright: What is the Italian word for motorway?Contestant: Espresso.Wright: What is the capital of Australia? And it''s not Sydney.Contestant: Sydney.THIS MORNINGJudy Finnegan: The American TV show ''The Sopranos'' is about opera. True or false?Contestant: True?Judy Finnegan: No, actually, it''s about the Mafia. But it is an American TV show,so I''ll give you that.BOB HOPE BIRTHDAY QUIZ, LBCPresenter: Bob Hope was the fifth of how many sons?Contestant: Four Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ernie 0 Posted February 13, 2009 I remember seeing one from family fortunesName something that is red?Contestant: My cardiganCue laughter from Les DennisContestant looking bemused: But it is red Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BGG&YPOS 0 Posted February 14, 2009 Cheers all, must be the best post for a very long time, if not the best. Cheered me up no end at the start of my shift, tears rolling down. Cheers. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
kick it off 1,952 Posted February 14, 2009 Some more funny Family Fortunes answers:A domestic animal: "A leopard.."A game played in the dark: "Charades.."A job that a working dog does: "A slave.." Something people might be allergic to: "Skiing.."Something with a red light on it: "a Dalek.." Something that makes you scream: "A squirrel.."An animal used as a form of transport: "A turtle.."A character from Little Red Riding Hood: "Hansel and Gretel.." Something that has a shell: "Batman.."A place you would keep a pen: "A zoo.."An animal that lives in the English countryside: "A lion.." Something you make into a ball: "Eggs.."Something that Father Christmas does when he comes to your house: "Feeds your pets.." Something that comes in 7''s: "Fingers.." (clearly a binner!!)A reason for kneeling: "To be beheaded.."Someone you wouldn''t expect to see in a strip club: "Animals.."A type of oil: "Sewing-machine oil.."A slang word for a girl: "Slag.." An animal with horns: "A bee..." A medieval weapon: "Hand-grenade..Something you would play with in the bath: "A bazooka.."Someone or something whose existence has never been proven: "Hitler.." A number you might have to memorise: "Seven.." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
tribes 0 Posted February 16, 2009 excellent post. A good laugh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
JJ 0 Posted February 16, 2009 [quote user="The Butler"] STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus.[/quote] Genius! [Y] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AJ 1,224 Posted February 16, 2009 Another infamous Family Fortunes one (it''s on youtube somewhere);Les Dennis "Name a type of bean."Contestant "Baked bean"Les Dennis "That''s already been taken."Contestant "err... les bean" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
city-till-i-die 7 Posted February 16, 2009 [quote user="The Butler"]These are genuine!! BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2) Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is? Contestant: Geography isn''t my strong point. Jamie Theakston: There''s a clue in the title. Contestant: Leicester BBC NORFOLK Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World? Contestant: I don''t know. Stewart White: I''ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow? Contestant: Arm Stewart White: Correct. And if you''re not weak, you''re...? Contestant: Strong. Stewart White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten''s first name? Contestant: Louis Stewart White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World? Contestant: Frank Sinatra? LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS) Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy? Contestant: France. Trelinski: France is another country. Try again. Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm. Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let''s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon? Contestant: Sorry, I don''t know. Trelinski: Just guess a country then. Contestant: Paris. THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2) Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party? Contestant: The Conservative Party. BEACON RADIO (WOLVERHAMPTON) DJ Mark: For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope? Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish? UNIVERSITY CHALLENGEBamber Gascoyne: What was Gandhi''s first name? Contestant: Goosey? GWR FM (Bristol) Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963? Contestant: I don''t know, I wasn''t watching it then. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO?MANCHESTER) Phil: What''s 11 squared? Contestant: I don''t know. Phil: I''ll give you a clue. It''s two ones with a two in the middle. Contestant: Is it five? RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman? Contestant: Forrest Gump. RICHARD AND JUDY Richard: On which street did Sherlock Holmes live? Contestant: Er. . .. Richard: He makes bread . . . Contestant: Er . .... Richard: He makes cakes . . . Contestant: Kipling Street? LINCS FM PHONE-IN Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world? Contestant: Barcelona. Presenter: I was really after the name of a country. Contestant: I''m sorry, I don''t know the names of any countries inSpain. NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1) Question: What is the world''s largest continent? Contestant: The Pacific. ROCK FM (PRESTON) Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci. Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit? THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV) Steve Le Fevre: What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in1918? Contestant: Magna Carta? JAMES O''BRIEN SHOW (LBC) James O''Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry? Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER....Three? CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL) Chris Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna? Caller: Japan. Chris Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn''t hear that, I can let you try again. Caller: Er .....Mexico? PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE) Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israellast? Contestant (long pause): Fourteen days. DARYL DENHAM''S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO) Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels? Contestant: Holland? Daryl Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet. Contestant: Iceland? Ireland? Daryl Denham: (helpfully) It''s a bad line. Did you say Israel ? Contestant: No. PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR) Phil Wood: What ''K'' could be described as the Islamic Bible? Contestant: Er. .. .. Phil Wood: It''s got two syllables . . . Kor . . Contestant: Blimey? Phil Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . . Contestant: (Silence) Phil Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . . Contestant: Walked? THE VAULT Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time? Contestant: Nostalgia. LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB) Presenter: What religion was Guy Fawkes? Contestant: Jewish. Presenter: That''s close enough. STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2) Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play? Contestant: Jesus.[/quote]PMSL....awesome thanks for the laugh...needed it [Y] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
city-till-i-die 7 Posted February 16, 2009 just read the rest....pee everywere....lmfao Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
