Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  

Archant exclusive in EDP: Rejected £20m Monster on Rampage

Recommended Posts

The EDP has revealed that the £20million monster rejected by the Norwich City board has grown to almost 40 feet and was last seen marauding around the North Norfolk coast stamping on pensioners. 

Neil Doncaster has said that, "the need to adhere to the City Code" forbids him from commenting on the rampaging monster other than to say that, "the board has done everything it can to control it but it was not us who let it out", and to confirm that, "none of the crushed septagenerians to date were ardent City supporters so season ticket sales would be unaffected."    

Peter Cullum says, " I have kept the £20m Behemoth sedated since October but I couldn''t hold it anymore, I just feel sorry for the fans and keep my fingers crossed that this annihilation of retired people doesn''t cause Norwich city to implode financially and get relegated to the Blue Square Premier in 3 seasons or quicker due to going into administration"

Roger Munby says that this will not derail the club''s plans in the close season stating, " we have already tiled a small area of the Jarrold Stand reception with Aztec Gold and we are currently renovating 2 chandeliers we bought from the Palace of Versailles before they are installed in the Gunn Lounge, so I don''t think we can be accused of complacency. Players? Oh, yes we''ve signed a young Irish centre back, Gary someone, oh, and the Turners have lent the club 2 quite sturdy sticks to beat off the £20million monster if it comes back, but they do want them back"

Rick Waghorn has indicated that, " in these troubled times with an out of control, rejected £20m giant threatening the elderly that we can all agree, on reflection, with so many away games up North and the rising price of fuel, that none of this is Neil''s fault"

In a bizzare twist, Jim Magilton has been linked with the aged stamping monster saying, " obviously we be interested in a 40ft tall aggressive monster, ay, he''s crushed some old folk, but he could be very successful in this league" Glen Roeder is allegedly waiting to see if any of the £20m has been previously used in Newcastle before deciding to swoop, oh, and if the rejected beast is actually free.

Meanwhile Alan Gow waits in Scotland, his agent states, "Alan has been told to stay in Scotland until the spurned £20m beast is caught, but we''re prepared to wait rather than have to go to bloody Motherwell"

In an earlier related incident in Sufffolk the monster was spotted in the Lowestoft area spitting out a wizened man in a pointy hat with stars on, saying he was too bitter.   


Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

[quote user="Evil Monkey"]Superb! Especially like the last line... [;)][Y]

Thanks,the cat woke me up early and when I went on the board there was nothing new to read so I made something up!

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Create New...