ROEDER LIMPING HOME!

[lucky green trainers 0]

you can''t stop now rude ole!!!

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

I know LGT. I''m desperate to find out what happens in the end myself.

[lucky green trainers 0]

[quote user="RUDOLPH HUCKER"]I know LGT. I''m desperate to find out what happens in the end myself.[/quote]matty patty certainly provided  some  easy material for you,  fully exploited in good style!!!

[gazzathegreat 0]

Rude Old, I have only just discovered this post. Please send it to Glenn Roeder at Colney, (I have discovered tonight at the NCISA forum that he has a very well developed sense of humour) and I think your story should be read out in the dressing room. Please - you owe it to the team.

You could be the saviour this season (and take over Huckerby''s role at the club).

Long live King Rude!

[Canaries Canary 0]

Brilliant. Simply brilliant. Well done.

[The Butler 0]

Mr Hucker Sir, This story deserves a wider acknowledgement. Superbly plagarised and fitted to the theme with a Pratchett like quality. I raise my hat to a master of suspense. The OBE  for services to over strained canaries should be yours. Please keep up the excellent work.

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

How very kind. I am, of course trying to deal with a miserable situation with a little humour and the next installment will follow soon.

Gazza, do you sit in block C Lower Barclay?

[BlyBlyBabes 0]

Biggles?

Great chap. Always comes through in the end.

What next? The Famous Five on their summer holidays?

Then what? Roed The Builder or ''Alice'' In Wonderland (again)?

OTBC

 

 

 

 

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

Roeder''s cheeks were scorched by cold and he winced as the murky estuary waters repeatedly slapped against them. There was a painful burning  in his shoulders, elbows and wrists and likewise those of ''Geordie'' Clarke who braced himself against the side of the life raft and held Roeders trembling hands in a weakening bosun''s grip so he could suspend himself over he side.

''C-c-c-c-can''t h-hold on much longer, Sir!'' Cried Geordie in between chorouses of ''The Wild Rover'' to keep Doc puffing away at the valve.

''You need to hold on, Geordie'' cried Roeder ''I''m not talking about one''s and two''s here, this is a complete clear out.''

And for what seemed an eternity ''Geordie'' Clarke held on until half way through ''The Tarmacers Lurcher'' and Roeder eased himself back into the inflatable.

''Where are we, Hucks?'' Roeder enquired of the well travelled frontman.

''Colney, Duck, I mean, Sir!'' came the reply. ''I''ve asked a few people on the bank and not only are we in Fizi Pop we''ve actually got to Colney.''

Roeder scratched his head, according to his calculations they he had drifted in from the North East and if this was Colney how come he hadn''t seen a Lidl, a gang of unmarried mothers or at least one or two one eyed cat''s along the way? All at once a couple in tracksuits and Burberry caps strolled into view off to the starboard side. ''Ask these two. Hucks'' ordered Roeder, so Hucks did.

''There you go, Sir, Colney!''

''That wasn''t Colney'' exclaimed Roeder, suddenly remembering his ''umble East End roots. ''They said ''Colne innit! That''s the name of the river and we''re heading for a what will surely be a crucual meeting at Britain''s oldest recorded town.'' They all stared at each other, it was good to be in Fizi Pop but they were a long way from home.

Doc was suffering now and wheezed like a donkey, how he wished he had a dependable partner to help him out. Roeder decided it was time to ditch the raft and scramble up the muddy bank. They clawed their way through they cloying black mud, Roeder dragging his injured leg behind him and wondering why Huckerby was so reluctant to get back and help him. Finally, they reached the tufted grass ridge and all lay on their backs gasping in the mid-morning chill. After a while they got to their feet; Doc and Geordie helped Roeder up.

''Can you stand, Sir.'' Doc asked.

''When I''m in the cack and faced with difficult circumstance ''stand up'' is my fall back'' said Roeder ''my stand up has got me through a lot of fan''s forums over the years, chaps.'' And as they looked, aghast; the mud and crap which caked them all simply fell away from Roeder as he mimiced holding a mic and let rip with a few one liners. Roeder produced some broken biscuits from his pockets and held them in both hands and his crew were amazed to see the two Burberry clad locals approach, fall down and eat out of them. Roeder smiled, a ray of sunlight burst like an exploding star from his top right incisor and he was like a man re-born.

''It''s time to go on and do this'' he said ever so, ever so convincingly ''let''s do it for Dion.''

To be continued.

[gazzathegreat 0]

[quote user="RUDOLPH HUCKER"]

How very kind. I am, of course trying to deal with a miserable situation with a little humour and the next installment will follow soon.

Gazza, do you sit in block C Lower Barclay?

[/quote] No Rude I have a seat in the back row of D (on edge of E) block and haven''t sat down all season! Hurrah! Do you think you may have seen me in Block C then, I was there last season, but got the chance to move.

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

Gazza, you must be near the bloke who looks like ''Lurch'' out of ''The Adams Family who stands and claps while shouting ''Yarmy'' all game. I have wondered if it is CJF as it matches my mental image of him.

On that subject I saw a car after the last home game on Rouen Road with the registration Y14RMY. Does it belong to someone on here? 

[gazzathegreat 0]

[quote user="RUDOLPH HUCKER"]

Gazza, you must be near the bloke who looks like ''Lurch'' out of ''The Adams Family who stands and claps while shouting ''Yarmy'' all game. I have wondered if it is CJF as it matches my mental image of him.

On that subject I saw a car after the last home game on Rouen Road with the registration Y14RMY. Does it belong to someone on here? 

[/quote] No Rude Old, as far as I know it''s not CJF, but I do know who you mean and I stand a few people away from him. At least our area does try to sing throughout the game, even when others (yes, even in the Barclay) tell us to shut up. For the Col Un game however I am in the South Stand (taking someone to their first football game!!) and my daughter is in my seat. So expect some noise. I brought my kids up proper like. lol

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

The sun was rising fast and the day was beginning to warm; it was time to go on.

 

Doc and Geordie strode forward and put their arms around Roeder to support him but he pushed them away. ''I want to stand by Matty,'' he said.

 

The mud and water from climb from the river had taken it''s toll: Hucks had removed his saturated flying jacket, Curo had lost his boots and Pattison had discarded his cold, clammy, mud encrusted trousers.

 

‘Nice pair of trolley’s those, Matty?’ Said Roeder. He was ever the admirer of Pattison''s tackle.

 

‘Thank you Sir!’ Replied the bok. ‘I pulled them out with me. One’s got a dodgy wheel and is as p!ssed as a handcart but the other one is fine; jump aboard Mr. Roeder, and if you like Jamie, you can sit in the child seat. I feel it''s the least I can do.’

 

Roeder gingerly lowered himself into the trolley and Gunner Curo jumped into the seat so he wouldn’t slow them down, and off they went at a brisk pace.

 

After a while the path became a lane and they saw their first street sign, a home made effort of a piece of driftwood upon which was painted an arrow pointing West with the title ‘Lesbie Avenue.’ Progress became swifter until suddenly their path was blocked by a group of burly looking women wearing male clothing and standing by a clutch of bell tents.

 

There was no way past, Hucks tried, was successful so tried again, was successful again so tried a third time and was brought down by a particularly butch specimen.

‘We are the ‘Wag’s of Ipswich, what is the password, or pass ye not!’ Roared a sheepshankian type.

 

There seemed to be no way past. Roeder looked at the pack of square jawed, face furniture wearing, dungaree clad, hermaphrodite rug munchers and couldn’t even see a way to bend a ball around them never mind pass.

 

All of a sudden he saw a striking looking young man amongst them and as he did so made another discovery. As Doc was rambling on about turning things around, as he was prone to do, none of the women batted an eyelid….they were deaf.

 

Roeder thought for a moment and in a flash of inspiration raised his right middle finger towards the group and in a whisker they had parted so Matty was able to push him through and the others followed.

 

As he was wheeled past the striking looking young man Roeder saw he was dressed in Orange, wore wooden clogs and carried a porn DVD and a spliff.  ‘Little Dutch Boy,’ he said ‘how about getting your finger out and joining us?’ So he did, and off they ran together.

 

''Er shank you for rescuing me from that Ipswich lot.'' He said ''They wanted me to sign for them.''

 

In the distance they could see the outline of a town. Colchester, it seemed, was on the horizon.

 

To be continued, unless you are all heartily sick of it and wish I would stop?

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

I don''t know why so many paragraphs, Mods, but thanks for putting it on. I appreciate it''s a bit near the mark but I made it oblique in places to hide some of that. Apologies if anyone is offended - it is intended to be for fun.

Rudolph.

[ca 1]

No don''t stop Mr Hucker its the best laugh I''ve had for ages[:D]

[Mello Yello 2,296]

Fortunately, the bomber was powered by 4 Merlins........and Not 4 Wizards.....

[BlyBlyBabes 0]

[quote user="gazzathegreat"][quote user="RUDOLPH HUCKER"]

Gazza, you must be near the bloke who looks like ''Lurch'' out of ''The Adams Family who stands and claps while shouting ''Yarmy'' all game. I have wondered if it is CJF as it matches my mental image of him.

On that subject I saw a car after the last home game on Rouen Road with the registration Y14RMY. Does it belong to someone on here? 

[/quote] No Rude Old, as far as I know it''s not CJF, but I do know who you mean and I stand a few people away from him. At least our area does try to sing throughout the game, even when others (yes, even in the Barclay) tell us to shut up. For the Col Un game however I am in the South Stand (taking someone to their first football game!!) and my daughter is in my seat. So expect some noise. I brought my kids up proper like. lol[/quote]

Gazza, will she be in your seat or standing where you normally stand?

And, do those kn*bs in the Barclay also have the nerve to tell your area to sit down as well as to shut up?

OTBC

 

 

[lucky green trainers 0]

looking foward to the next instalment rude old.  i would imagine you''ve got 3 scenarios already in place (like all good soaps) depending upon we win, lose or draw???

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

The little Dutch Boy was surprisingly quiet, they had all become quiet and focussed on what they were approaching, eventually the striking young man spoke.

''Er, Shank you again Mishter Roooeder, I thought I would have my finger stuck in that dyke for ever. There I had to live by that black byrne looking at the total lack of support, gees some of those women tucked them in their underpants.''

''It''s good to have some Dutch resistance on board.'' Replied Wing Commander Roeder as the speeding trolley hit a bump and almost threw him into the ditch.

By now the trolley had developed a precictable bias to the right but this was countered by putting Huckerby on it''s left side so it ran straight and true.

Little Jamie swung his legs and wondered if the new guy would leave him kicking his heels for the day.

Doc had recovered from his life raft excursions and had taken over from Matty who had run ahead with Geordie to have an early look at what was around the corner. No one could be sure of the reception they faced from Colchester, it was an unpredictable place and the outcome was uncertain; but as they met the town they had the sudden impression this was a meeting with destiny, a pivotal point on their long and wearisome journey home; a fork in the road like Matty''s Y fronts.

Waiting for them was ''Geordie'' Clark and the recovering Pattison. ''OK chaps!'' Said Roeder. ''This is our big opportunity, lets do a Dion and grasp it with both hands.''

To be continued.

[Rudolph Hucker 0]

So, they got to Colchester with no more problems; ditched the trolley, caught the train, changed at Ipswich, had to get a bus from Diss to Norwich then shared a cab to Colney.

Roeder''s leg got better in time and they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

[lucky green trainers 0]

[quote user="RUDOLPH HUCKER"]

So, they got to Colchester with no more problems; ditched the trolley, caught the train, changed at Ipswich, had to get a bus from Diss to Norwich then shared a cab to Colney.

Roeder''s leg got better in time and they all lived happily ever after.

The end.

[/quote]thanks for the entertainment rude old - a literary triumph no less!!!