Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
Duncan Edwards

Finding Lewis - Some Helpful Hints

Recommended Posts



Check your sheds and outhouses.

Wounded animals will often find somewhere quiet and secluded to hide. Lewis was

clearly hurt by being left out last night and his ego could be seriously

injured; if you spot him I’d suggest trying to entice him out with a saucer of

milk but stay well clear of his catty claws. Miaow.



Although it’s debatable that he’s

as important as he thinks he is, he will be easily recognised. Therefore he may

try and change his identifiable features or wear a disguise. Try and picture

him without that beard for instance. Indeed, infinitely better.


To try and prevent detection, he

may look to mingle in a large crowd. This rules out Portman Road.


On the other hand, he may look to

isolate himself somewhere sparsely populated to reduce the chances of being

noticed. Try Portman Road – shout “KEEPERS!!” and see if anyone giggles.


Check locations that he has been

seen regularly. Just far enough behind play to prevent an easy tap-in would be

a good place to start. Or off-side.


His name is an anagram of Rabbi

Wangles. This could be a coincidence or it could be a clue that he is using

someone from the local synagogue to facilitate his NCFC exit.


Sounds obvious, but have a quick

look in Cameron Jerome’s shadow.


Listen carefully – this is a

grown man stamping his feet, it should be clearly audible.


Remember – If you spot Lewis he

shouldn’t be approached (unless it’s by an AFC Bournemouth club official) as

low flying rattles, teddies and dummies are likely to be encountered. Remain

calm and call the club; Mr McNally is waiting.



Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Rabbi Wangles very clever anagram made me smile, and some good tips to keep an eye out, though he is most likely to be spotted at Carrow Road in a fortnights time, in the Kit bag on the visiting coach(from Dorset)

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Ideally, this will become a movie in which Mike Phelan is playing the role of the grizzled old maverick coach just days from retirement and Neil Adams is cast as the recently demoted, "by-the-book" coach with the FA badges to prove it.
A professional footballer has absconded and McNally has issued a 48-hour ultimatum to return him to Fortress Carrow.
The two coaches have to overcome their differences on a helter-skelter trip around the UK to track down and bring home the fugitive Grabban - on the way, learning about life, love, and formations other than 4-4-2.
You''ll laugh.  You''ll cry.  You''ll tut apathetically.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Nemo had a (small, deformed) "lucky fin"... I wonder if Grabban has a similarity with his goal scoring touch. Its not a small foot, its his lucky boot

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Did no-one watch Batman Begins? The way to find Lewis is very clearly set out within the movie.
"To conquer fear, you must become fear".
Same applies here. To find Grabban, you must become Grabban.
The only way we''re ever going to locate him is if we all grow shit beards and practice hoofing the ball over the bar when faced with an open goal from 3 yards out.

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Create New...