stumpy

I''ve got to say that given our present position, I really couldn''t give a toss who made the playoffs, but.................. My Ideal scenario:- 3/. Sunderland . O.K,maybe they are tired and jaded, but they stand a realistic chance, and our links with them go back a long way. 4/. Wigan. Again their recent form may let them down, but they must be thinking that they are in with a shout. 5/. Palace. Apart from us, they are the most in form team at the moment, and we do owe them for helping our cause the other night 6/. West Ham. They have quietly kept pace with the leading pack, and may just do it And as far as the Binners are concerned, I don''t want them to have even the smallest amount of hope or enjoyment, and I''d love them to just miss out on goal difference. Although we may have come second on our ill fated trip to the playoff final, we all made the most of our day, and I don''t want the scummers having any of it!

Making my way out of the club shop this morning, I literally bumped into Dean Sinclair. We stopped for a couple of minutes to chat about how fantastic our promotion was, how much we enjoyed Watford, and how we couldn''t wait for the Preston game. The lad was with his Dad, and took the time to chat to both me and my wife, and throughout was polite and a pleasure to meet. When I signed on tonight, you can imagine my amazement to read that the kid has had his contract mutually terminated. We all realise that the squad will need to undergo change now that we have achieved promotion, but through these pages, I would just like to thank him for all that he has given the club throughout his short time with us.

Just a few reasons NOT to be cheerful for the Baggies 1/. Having that ginger git in charge, shouting and moaning all the time 2/. They still pose a threat to our lads winning the championship 3/. Andy ''Taxi'' Johnson is still there 4/. Frank Skinner supports them 5/. The stewards there are awful 6/. My mate had his car nicked whilst we were at the away game 7/. Their club ''anthem'', Boing, Boing Baggies must have taken milliseconds to think up 8/. And finally, that ginger git is still there We got there first,we deserve to be first, we will finish first!

Picture the scene, tucked away in a darkened room in the secure wing of Ip***ch Mental Hospital. The resident psychiatrist is questioning two straight-jacketed patients...... "Now then Mr.Royle, why do you think you should be allowed back into the community?" Spud head replies "Because I''ve got the best team in Division 1, we''re going to win promotion, we have the finest loyal fans, the best chairman, and we''re better in defence than everyone else!" The psychiatrist consults his notes ( the league table), shakes his head and says, " I''m sorry Mr. Royle, sadly you still appear to be suffering from illusions of grandeur, you clearly cannot be released. I''m going to prescribe a season ticket in the Snakepit, so you can learn how to do the job properly". Spud head struggles as he is led away, back to his padded cell, shouting over his shoulder "We are better than them, we are, we are!" The psychiatrist looks up and notices his second patient, a drooling clown, jabbering on about " They need 15 new players, they''ll never make it,straight up, straight down, we are better class" The psychiatrist is clearly alarmed by this display of lunatic behaviour, and calls for the burly assistants to sedate the patient, and whilst backing away from the sad individual, he prescribes yet another season to be spent in Division One, after a dismal display in the playoffs. The scene ends with the good doctor driving away from the hospital in his new Lotus, and wearing his City shirt,whilst waving at the two patients, now safely back behind bars...or was it just a dream?

Our daughter is out there at the moment Chipster, doing a ''round the world'' skive for a year, you''ll recognise her instantly, cos she''s taken her shirt with her & since we got to the promised land she''s worn it every day! Also look out for a silver Mitsubishi with a ''Top of the league at Portman Road'' Evening News sticker in the back window! She was down in Bunberry when we got promotion, but is back in Perth now. Good on ya mate, On The Ball City!!

Who''s up for a quick ''over the barriers'', hundred yard dash at the final whistle at the Preston game? C''mon I don''t want to be lonely/ nicked/ laughed at/ banned ( delete where necessary)

Certain bad smells linger longer than others, and the reign of Fat Boy Slim will never be forgiven, as witnessed as the fifth goal went in against Walsall, when we started chanting "Chase out, Chase out!" & "Are you watching Robert Chase" from the snakepit. Lets just enjoy the fantastic feeling of being back in the promised land, and not dwell on the individual who very nearly killed our club off!OTBC!!

If the chat in the snakepit was anything to go by at the Walsall game, it sounds as if we won''t be lonely if we get on the pitch! Mind you, the ''Man in a jacket'' fun lovin'' stewards let us know that we would risk 1/. getting nicked 2/. Not having our season tickets renewed 3/. Getting the club fined 4/. incurring hell & damnation from the local hanging judge........but lets see them try to stop us. See you on the centre spot!!

All I can remember is when the final whistle went at Selhurst, I jumped out of my chair and sent a brimming pint of guinness straight over the missus, the cat and the carpet! Hmm! woke up this morning to the delightful smell of stale beer and Shake & Vac. OTBC!

We don''t get to hear the ''Cheeseboard'' guy down in the snakepit, but, we have our own resident odd-bod, who has taken to standing up during random moments of the game, and shouting "Tin of milk" much to his own amusement, whilst completely puzzling everyone around him. He first did it at the away game at Portaloo Road in Sept. 2002, managing to totally bemuse everyone, and has stuck with it ever since. Seeing as he seems to enjoy it so much, maybe we could team him up with ''Cheeseboard'' and perhaps develop a whole new supporter section devoted to random foodstuffs!

After years of a hushed silence from the car blanket and thermos brigade, who have always contributed little more than a whisper to the volume at ''The Home Of Sexy Football'' can the rest of us try to raise something that resembles little more than a squeek from our friends down there at the Preston game on the 1st of May, us poor ''Snakepitter''s'' have risked throat infections, sore tonsils and terminal laryngitis over the years just trying desperately to get you lot to make some sort of noise. The Barclay Boys always give a good account for themselves. C''mon lads, we''ve done it, we''ve reached the promised land, Nige and the boys have done us proud, and even the new South/ Jarrold crew try to get things going, so, SING UP THE RIVER END!!

Yeah! I had the misfortune to witness the Nigel ''Live'' interview, when they even managed to cock up the link!! Stick with the ''Thoughts of Chairman Roy'' on Radio Norfolk ( It''s a corner...No! a penalty!.....I can''t see what he''s given....Oh! It''s a goal! etc) but whatever happens, thats one in the eye for all of those supporters of the binmen from the Suffolk Landfill F.C who try to seem pleased on local TV!! Perhaps Sky will remember us now!!

Finally we are back where we belong! Goodbye to all of those dreary journeys, on wet February Tueday nights to places like Grimsby, goodbye to the bad old days of ''chairman'' Chase, the wholesale giveaways of our best players, and the protests outside Carrow Road.Lets get the chamionship, even if it''s just to jar off the Ginger Whinger!! Lets get the Premiership ''Champagne Charlies'' here, and give them a ''Snakepit Welcome'' they will remember ( who knows, we may even manage to get Henry, Van Nistelroy etc sent off, like we managed against the Hammers!) we don''t need to fear any of them. Well done Nigel and the lads, well done Delia and Michael, and finally well done to all of us...............because were worth it!

I may have spent far too long in the ''snakepit'', sneaking the odd look at the new stand, whilst watching our lads dominate the league, so am I the only one who actually misses the ''old clock''?, so often stared at whilst gnawing our finger nails to the bone, waiting for the minutes to tick away to the final whistle! How about renaming the clock the Palace memorial! P.S, Cheers to the Eagles!