Norwich Board Meeting - December 7th/2004

[YankeeCanary 0]

Norwich City Board Meeting – Dec 7th/2004

Present:

Delia Smith: Michael Wynn-Jones: Neil Doncaster: Nigel Worthington: ( Roger Munby is absent )

Neil:

I’d like to call this meeting to order. In Roger’s absence, it’s my job to chair this meeting. I’d like to put my own stamp on the way these meetings are conducted.....

Delia ( interrupting ):

And you will Neil. Go and bring the tea and biscuits in right away rather than waiting for the morning break.

This meeting is going to focus on things that are just plain stupid. Nigel, let’s start with you. We’re three games away from being halfway through the season. The shambles I’m seeing on the pitch suggests things are getting worse, not better. I’m not even speaking about winning or losing. Just the way our boys don’t seem to have a clue as to how to create space and pass the ball to each other, we might as well give them all different colored shirts, they might get it right then.

How about dressing them in red knickers? And why is most of our team hanging back in our half of the field, is there a sale going on back there? When I said you should get a new coach, I wasn’t speaking about something that runs on wheels. Okay, I’ll provide some coaching. From now on the players will be required to work with me in the kitchen three times a week. We will establish who is the best veggie man, the best meat man, the best gravy man and, last but not least, the best dishwasher man. They will work together until they achieve an end goal to my satisfaction. Not only that, it will give me a rare opportunity to see my money at work. They won’t leave that bloody kitchen until they realize what teamwork is all about.

Nigel, your job is to manage. It’s apparent to me that not only do you not know the meaning of the word but all the bloody players know that you don’t know the meaning of the word. Why was that idiot Svennsen allowed to be quoted in the newspaper, telling you to save your money, you don’t need to bring any new players in. That’s just plain stupid!

Let me tell you why, just in case you haven’t worked it out. Van Nistelroy or Wayne Rooney wouldn’t do such a thing. Secondly, it’s not your money. Thirdly, this other idiot sitting on my left ( looking at Neil, who is being stubborn about the tea and biscuits ) just got through telling the same bloody newspaper two days before that we don’t have any money. Finally, Svennsen then follows this with his worst performance of the season, calling into question not only his technical skills, but also his mental ones. Don’t you understand, if most of our fans weren’t from Norfolk they would have this all worked out and we’d be a complete laughing stock.

Nigel:

Steady on Delia. We’ve got other follow-up articles in the works that should put a better light on things, then it’s game on.

Delia:

Nigel, read my lips. I don’t want a better light on things. I don’t want more light. I don’t want any light. Is that clear? From now on, any communication with the media will be authorized, in advance, only by me. You also will have a new boss, which I’ll get to shortly.

Now for you Neil. The first thing I spoke to you about last week is the plain stupid article you provided to the newspaper regarding the difficult state of our financial affairs. You’ve got the supporters up in arms. They don’t just think we’re pulling wool over their eyes, they want to know where the herd of sheep came from. I told you that you need to be more refined and sophisticated as to how you get such a message across. You act like you were educated in Madrid and give

[ca 1]

Great post Yankee, oh how we look forward to your board meetings, cant wait for my friend Wizards response

[Marty 0]

wish i had that much time on my hands....!!!

[Normann Canary 0]

Brilliant!!

[KeelansGlove 0]

For once YC I am in complete harmony with one of your posts !

[beelsie 0]

Great post YC!! I like Delias Idea of putting team training session players in different coloured gear, to make player recognition more of a problem, she might have added that using a medicine ball as well may improve their accuracy, as well as keep the ball on the floor and in space. Enjoyed it YC thanks!

[a1canary 0]

i''m surprised no-one has objected to the reference to Norfolk folk! I''m from Kent myself by my cousins are Norfolk folk. She worked for the chamber of commerce and her husband is currently proffesor of mathematics and a dean at UEA.

They and all other norfolk people i have met have been more pleasant, lucid and well grounded than those i have met from most other regions of the country and the inference of them as carrot crunching simpletons is no less offensive, tiresome and out of date than any number of insulting comments that get directed at our American cousins.

I know you are very used to criticism for you spectacularly patronising and pompous attitude Yankee, i just can''t remember whether or not it is intended, is just your way on this board, or if it comes naturally. Are you Frasier Crane?

[YankeeCanary 0]

Regarding your comment and questions A1, it''s interesting that you, being from Kent, picked up the dig at Norfolk folks, but no one else reacted. I wonder what that means? 

In regard to your multiple choice question,  I almosts always write what I intend to write ( occasionally, the hand slips ), it clearly is my way on this board and it does appear to come naturally, so you see, I am unable to choose one of the three. Finally, I don''t think I''m Frasier Crane, although many on here have accused me of psychological drivel. Let''s hope for a win tomorrow. 

[First Wizard 0]

[quote]Norwich City Board Meeting – Dec 7th/2004 Present: Delia Smith: Michael Wynn-Jones: Neil Doncaster: Nigel Worthington: ( Roger Munby is absent ) Neil: I’d like to call this meeting to order. In R...[/quote]

Memo to newbies

This is what I''ve been ranting on about to you. Original, bloody hilarious, well thought out and constructed, and a serious candidate for post of the year!.

I can only applaud and admire Yankee''s stunning writing skills in his post. Although I wish I had been given the power to sack everyone at that fictitious board meeting of his, including myself!.

A superb job, I''ve even printed out a copy, well done my friend?. 

[First Wizard 0]

[quote]Norwich City Board Meeting – Dec 7th/2004 Present: Delia Smith: Michael Wynn-Jones: Neil Doncaster: Nigel Worthington: ( Roger Munby is absent ) Neil: I’d like to call this meeting to order. In R...[/quote]

PS. I''m not sure Gazza and City Angel will agree with your unfortunate phrase ''continued intercourse'' on the boards Yankee, is that possible or do you need a cream or tablet?.

Mrs Wiz, like me, aren''t sure what it means at all!,

[a1canary 0]

I found that interesting too YC, that others didn''t comment on the dig at Norfolk folk. As for what it means, maybe these Norfolk folk couldn''t concentrate for long enough to get as far down as your insult in the post!

Or maybe it just means that i can "appreciate" (not sure if that''s the right word) insults whether they are directed at me or not. E.g. you don''t have to have racism directed at you to find it offensive.

The Wizard may have been less impressed if he was not from south of the border. But on the subject of your post itself, very good! You should start a series like this. Ever done any script writing?

[YankeeCanary 0]

I am genuinely sorry if you see the comment as offensive A1. Of course, it''s not intended that way. I was born and raised in Norfolk and reached adulthood there. One of the things that''s often commented to me by people in North America is that they like the way that Brits are able to laugh at themselves. That is spirit within which it was intended.