Wings of a Sparrow 1,415 Posted November 18, 2011 I went to the zoo last week. They only had one dog. It was a Shitsu. Police say that they''ll apprehend the "Knitting Needle Murderer" pretty quickly as he follows the same pattern. Wouldn''t it be ironic, if you died in the living room? As I tucked into my rare steak my wife asked me, ''''How''s your dinner, Murderer?'''' I still don''t regret shooting her mother. My next door neighbour has a green triangular house. My other next door neighbour has a yellow rectangular house. And my neighbour across the road has an orange octagonal house... I live in a Quality Street. Are all girls claustrophobic? It''s like every single one freaks out when they''re locked in the boot of a car. I used to be a member of the Robust Neckwear Society. I still have strong ties with the group. It''s sad how Wile E. Coyote is remembered for his violence, and not for his brilliantly realistic paintings of tunnels. I got so sick of the trick or treaters that I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn''t in. F**k the ships. My lighthouse, my rules. My young daughter asked me this morning, "Daddy, what were you and Mummy doing in the bedroom last night? I could hear a buzzing noise, then Mummy started to scream." "Nothing, darling," I replied. It was then I burst out laughing as my wife walked down the stairs with her half-shaved head. When people with lisps say "Bithneth", you know they mean business. I thank you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TIL 1010 4,748 Posted November 18, 2011 Man City have at last managed to track down Carlos Tevez.Apparently he has been hiding in the Australian jungle using the name Fatima. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Harry 0 Posted November 18, 2011 Ant: "Well contestants, the good news is that this Bush Tucker Trial involves one of you eating a penis. Dec: The bad news is its still attached to Fatima Whitbread!"..........................................................................A report out today says 40% of men over 40 suffer from erection problems!Looking at 40% of women over 40, it''s not difficult too see why....! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Drurys Testamonials 0 Posted November 18, 2011 What''s Fatima ever done to deserve all this grief from Norwich fans? [:S] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,415 Posted November 18, 2011 I''ve got nothing but admiration for Fatima Whitbread for her bravery in going into the jungle.She''s certainly got balls. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nuff Said 5,141 Posted November 18, 2011 Read this (on the Daily Mail site for what it''s worth) and then see whether you want to make jokes about her. My heart goes out to her. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,415 Posted November 18, 2011 I had no idea about her past life. I want her to win now. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YankeeCanary 0 Posted November 19, 2011 A good looking man walked into an agent''s office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star."Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What''s your name?"The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name.""I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I''m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you.""So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent''s office.FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the letter enclosed... Dear Sir,Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused.You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.Thank you for your advice.Sincerely,Dick van Dyke Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
