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Mungo Bumpkin

Absolutely gutted

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That cigar-stubbing ex-con philosopher Joey barton won''t be playing. I was so looking forward to hurling vindictive personal abuse at him and feel that that particular avenue ofm pleasure has been closed. he should be forced to spend the game walkiing around the perimeter track for the crowd''s entertainment.

Mungo

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I quite like Barton to be honest. More interesting than all those plastic identikit footballers spouting cliches after the game.

You''ve got to love a man whose verdict on England''s performance in the 2006 world cup was

"I played sh1t - here''s my book"

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