Pi$$ed As A Mattress 0 Posted January 28, 2009 ....by a security guard in Asda after stealing a joint of beef.Security guard yelled " What are you doing with that?"Cort replied " Potatoes, Peas and gravy you nosey ba$tard " Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blahblahblah 2 Posted January 28, 2009 If you have a day job, please don''t give it up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pi$$ed As A Mattress 0 Posted January 28, 2009 [quote user="blahblahblah"]If you have a day job, please don''t give it up.[/quote]Hadnt planned to. How would I pay the mortgage if I did that silly? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
blahblahblah 2 Posted January 28, 2009 I suppose you could always take up stand up comedy - That way you''d always have a larder of recently good vegetables, if you picked them up after gigs ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pi$$ed As A Mattress 0 Posted January 28, 2009 Rafael Benitez goes on a scouting mission to Baghdad to see a young Iraqi striker he has been told about.He is impressed by the youngster and decides to take him back to Liverpool for a trial.Saturday comes and Liverpool are trailing 3.0 to Manchester United with 30 minutes left. Benitez thinks he has nothing to lose and he puts the Iraqi striker on.The lad is a sensation and scores 4 goals winning the game for Liverpool. He is ecstatic, Benitez is over the moon.When he gets back into the dressing room he calls his mum. "Mum, I scored 4 goals when we were losing 3.0. I won the game, the fans love me, the media love me, I have had a brilliant day mum"His mother replies " I am glad you had a good day, Let me tell you about ours. You father was shot in the street today, your sister and I were both gang raped and your brother has joined a gang of looters"" Oh mum, I am so sorry to hear that " replies the lad" Sorry...sorry ? " says his mother, " So you bloody should be sorry, It was your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
First Wazzock 1,014 Posted January 28, 2009 Sad news about Tony Hart last week, his family say his funeral has been pencilled in for next Tuesday. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thecanaryfan 0 Posted January 28, 2009 [quote user="Pised as a Mattress"]Rafael Benitez goes on a scouting mission to Baghdad to see a young Iraqi striker he has been told about.He is impressed by the youngster and decides to take him back to Liverpool for a trial.Saturday comes and Liverpool are trailing 3.0 to Manchester United with 30 minutes left. Benitez thinks he has nothing to lose and he puts the Iraqi striker on.The lad is a sensation and scores 4 goals winning the game for Liverpool. He is ecstatic, Benitez is over the moon.When he gets back into the dressing room he calls his mum. "Mum, I scored 4 goals when we were losing 3.0. I won the game, the fans love me, the media love me, I have had a brilliant day mum"His mother replies " I am glad you had a good day, Let me tell you about ours. You father was shot in the street today, your sister and I were both gang raped and your brother has joined a gang of looters"" Oh mum, I am so sorry to hear that " replies the lad" Sorry...sorry ? " says his mother, " So you bloody should be sorry, It was your fault we moved to Liverpool in the first place"[/quote]I like!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Thecanaryfan 0 Posted January 28, 2009 [quote user="1st Wazzock"]Sad news about Tony Hart last week, his family say his funeral has been pencilled in for next Tuesday.[/quote]You''re sick. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Show Me What You Gooot! 0 Posted January 28, 2009 [quote user="1st Wazzock"]Sad news about Tony Hart last week, his family say his funeral has been pencilled in for next Tuesday.[/quote]I suppose the funeral will DRAW in alot of media attention?Ho ho ho Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
