back of the net

STEVE BRUCE AND IT NEEDS TO BE SOON, NONE OF THIS "WE''LL GIVE HIM TILL CHRISTMAS" JUST BLOODY GET ON WITH IT!

McCORMACK MOVE Ross McCormack is now odds-on at 1/4 with Sky Bet to join Aston Villa. Norwich are 11/4 to sign the forward and staying at Fulham is an option way out at 10/1. Looks like we miss out again, last summer all over again

Someone now needs to come up with a good "We are the Adam''s Family" song ready for Fulham on Saturday.

just seen a mention of the BARCLAY BOOT BOYS on another thread, brought back lots of memories from the 1970s Meeting at the Kings Head pub (back of the inns) before games then walking down to carrow road, cramming into the Barclay making sure you stood in front of the barrier not behind it or you''d get crushed when we scored, being thrown out by ''Handlebars'' (a big copper with a great big tash)and what about all the old songs, some I can remember -: I was born under the Barclay stand knees up mother brown we are the Barclay boot boys take a bow legged chicken and a knock knee''d hen I hear the sound of distant bums Dave Cross, born is the king of Carrow Road we''ve got Kenny Kenny Kenny Foggo on our wing Bertie Mee said to Bill Shankley we hate Nottingham Forest in our Norwich home there were others of course, anybody else remember these days ?

The Swede''s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. "Good God, woman! Why aren''t you wearing any skivvies?" Ole demanded. "Well, you don''t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any!" The Swede immediately reaches into his pocket and says "For the sake of decency, here''s a 50. Go and buy yourself some underwear!" Next, the Irishman''s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she, too, is wearing no undies. "Blessed Virgin Mary, woman! You''ve no knickers. Why not?" She replies "I can''t afford any on the money you give me". Patrick reaches into his pocket and says "For the sake of decency, here''s a 20 - go buy yourself some underwear!" Lastly, the Scotsman''s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. "Sweet mudder of Jaysus, Aggie! Where de hell are yer drawers?" She too explains, "You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any". The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says, "Well, fer the love "o decency, here''s a comb... tidy yerself up a bit!"

A police motorcycle cop stops a driver for running a red light. The driver is a real jerk, steps out of his car and comes striding toward the officer, demanding to know why he is being harassed by the Gestapo! So the officer calmly tells him of the red light violation. The motorist instantly goes on a tirade, questioning the officer''s ancestry, sexual orientation etc in rather explicit offensive terms. The tirade goes on without the officer saying anything. When the officer finishes writing the ticket he puts an ''AH'' in the lower right corner of the narrative portion of the ticket. He then hands it to the ''violator'' for his signature. The guy signs the ticket angrily, and when presented with his copy points to the "AH" and demands to know what it stands for. The officer says "That''s so when we go to court, I''ll remember that you''re an asshole!" Two months later they''re in court. The ''violator'' has a bad driving record and he is in danger of losing his license, so he hired a lawyer to represent him. On the stand the officer testifies to seeing the man run the red light. Under cross examination the defence attorney asks "Officer is this a reasonable facsimile of the ticket that you issued to my client?" Officer responds "Yes, sir, that is the defendant''s copy, his signature and mine, same number at the top". Lawyer: "Officer is there any particular marking or quotation on this ticket you don''t normally make?" "Yes, sir, in the lower right corner of the narrative there is an ''AH'' underlined". "What does the ''AH'' stand for, officer?" "Aggressive and hostile, sir." "Aggressive and hostile?" "Yes, sir." "Officer, are you sure it doesn''t stand for asshole?" "Well, sir, you know your client better than I do." How often can one get an attorney to convict his own client.

An  American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right telling off – apparently they were Allied Carpets. ..... .. . . . . . . . . . .. I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’. . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying ‘English speaking Doctor’.  I thought; “What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country.” . . . .. . . . . . . . . .. The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife. "Is this your wife sir?" said the officer. "Yes it is" I replied. "I''m afraid it looks like she''s been in a car accident" said the Officer... "I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!" . . . . . . . . . . . . .. Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15 ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer. Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was, Face down on the floor.  Dead! At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes ............... Then a moment of pure inspiration........ ....  McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30 !!! . . . . . . . . . . . . . Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa... Must have drunk her drink by mistake! . . . .. . . . . . . . . Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear. Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half. It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home. . . . . . . . . . . . . . The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind. The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!  =

In a pub quiz the other day I lost by one point. The question was where do women mostly have curly hair? Apparently, it''s Africa. I''ve heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children''s ipod after realising that iTouch Kids is not a good product name. George Clooney is to star in a new film about Gary Glitter, called "Oh, She''s Eleven." My wife told me I was no longer romantic so I booked a table for the two of us on Valentine''s Night. Problem was she''s rubbish at snooker You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair".

One Monday morning the Postman is riding through the neighbourhood on his usual route, delivering the mail. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were still in the driveway. His wonder was cut short by Derek, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles for the recycling bin. ''Wow Derek, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night,'' the Postman comments. Derek, in obvious pain, replies ''Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning. We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over for some weekend fun and it got a bit wild. We all got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I.'' The Postman thinks a moment and says, ''How do you play WHO AM I?'' ''Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our ''family jewels'' showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women tries to guess who it is.'' The Postman laughs and says, ''Sounds like fun, I''m sorry I missed it.'' ''Probably a good thing you did,'' Derek responded. ''Your name came up 7 times.

A chap went into a chemist shop and asked to talk to a male chemist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the chemist and that she and her sister owned the store, so there were no males employed there.? She then asked if she could help. The chap said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male chemist. The female chemist assured him that she was completely professional and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism. The chap agreed and began by saying, "This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a permanent erection.? It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment.? So I was wondering what you could give me for it." The chemist said, "Just a minute, I''ll go talk to my sister." When she returned, she said, "We discussed it at length and the absolute best we can offer you is, 1/3 ownership of the shop, a company car, and 3,000 quid a month living expenses."

After taking a really awful penalty he just gave up, a number of times after losing the ball or the ball being close to him he just didn''t try. I''m sure I''m not the only one to notice this, maybe he should have been replaced with Korey. In these last very important games we need players who will fight the cause and give their all, and get over it when they make a cock up.

DUBAI on holiday, but back for Watford at Carrow Rd

Mills was one of Englands best performers in Japan.

Leeds losing,  Ips*it losing,  Man U winning, only downside Colfester winning, shame about that, but overall a pretty good night.

lowest player ratings at Swindon, 5 each, why are they still in the squad ? They offer absolutley nothing to the team, when McVeigh came on in last home game we played worse, the midfield was totally cocked up. Send them to Luton on loan