Big Target Man

[Grando 336]

Clearly we need a big target man. Shortarse Andy Bishop at only 6ft is the latest name in the frame. Nah! We need taller. Forget Crouch, forget Koeller - clearly out of our league (literally).

Instead, why doesn''t the club hold auditions for very tall blokes in their 20s/early 30s?

Let''s set the entry bar at 6ft 5, with preference given to anyone over 7ft who can jump a bit. There must be a few poor sods suffering from rare genetic complaints who would fulfill the criteria and be up for the challenge.

Once accepted we put them through a rigourous Full Metal Jacket-esque training programme (obviously hoping that they don''t commit suicide as a result). This would be an ideal, cheap way of finding a potential big man up front.

And as I see it, it''s our only option given that the Board aren''t prepared to fork out the going-rate for the type of player we need.