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Rudolph Hucker

Outsource the training.

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In another thread I suggested employing a brickie to advise on training and gave a plausible example of how this might work. So what ideas does anyone else have for bringing in some fresh ideas thus preventing our players becomming bored and avoiding injuries...

How about....a supermarket checkout lady

Greeno could defend his penalty area at the start of the game by throwing dozens of half opened plastic bags around then sit his arse on a little stool and only attempt to pick up anything in arms reach, under no circumstances would he have to get up and risk his hamstrings.

If Hughes couldn''t read a pass he could bing bong for a supervisor and stare vacantly into the middle distance while he waited or produce a small emery board and polish his nails.

Ashton could lay the ball off to Thorne then fidget and tut while he attempted to put it away on his own whilst rolling his eyes at a ball boys eager to roll his one on.

Instead of having their names on their shirts they could have little badges with their first names on them and how long they had ''served'' i.e., one week, two months, five minutes.

Best of all, after a crap performance the players would approach the fans and ask if they want their cash back.

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