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Ellie Goulding

The ball of lard

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How out of shape was Gary Hooper when he came on yesterday.

His shirt was straining at the seems. He wasn''t so much running about the pitch more like a gentle waddle.

Time for him to see the fitness coaches urgently. This would never have been allowed under previous managers naming no one in particular

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You''re looking better than ever before Wavey, much prefer this Avatar to your jaded x factor cruise ship crooner that you had previously.

Hooper has always been a chunky monkey...in case you hadnt noticed, he''s never been svelte, unlike RvW...but i suppose he''s lightweight.

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