It's Friday

[Buh 0]

Friday.

Gotta get down on Friday.

[? 0]

C''mon then somebody give us a good joke! We need a laff!!!!

[YellowNets1901 0]

I know a great Myra Hindley joke but i don''t know if this is the right audience.

[morty 0]

Work were very understanding when I said I wouldn''t be in today because of an operation.But not so much when they found out it was Yewtree.

[? 0]

Lol Morty.

[First Wazzock 902]

I went for my regular check up the other day and all was going well until he stuck his index finger up my @rse. Do you think I should change Dentists?

[The Butler 0]

Cardiologist and the mechanic   A motor mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a BMW M3 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his shop. The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car when the mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this?" The cardiologist, a bit surprised walked over to where the mechanic was working on the BMW.  The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So Doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired or replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in, and when I finished, it worked just like new. So how is that I make £40,000 a year and you make £1.7M when you and I are doing basically the same work?" The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered, "Try doing it with the engine running."

[First Wazzock 902]

Got a new Hi-Tech phone this week, made in Malaysia. I put it in ''Flight Mode'', and now I can''t find it...

[The Butler 0]

[quote user="First Wazzock"]Got a new Hi-Tech phone this week, made in Malaysia. I put it in ''Flight Mode'', and now I can''t find it...[/quote]

Is it time we started revising the Friday joke thread Wazzy?

[Herman 9,691]

[quote user="YellowNets1901"]I know a great Myra Hindley joke but i don''t know if this is the right audience.[/quote]

Yeah I have a couple of naughty ones but will probably end up getting the thread pulled.

[The Masked Raccoon 0]

Dave the Scouser is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar.

"Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who''s he?"

"Gee, that''s the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!"

Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football.

He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?"

"Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply.

Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," replied the memory man.

Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?"

The wise Red Indian didn''t hesitate in answering, "2-1."

Dave thinks he''ll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John."

Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave''s curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to America and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave.

Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue.

"How," Dave says.

The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box."

[First Wazzock 902]

If your wife or girlfriend ever asks, ''If I was to arrange a threesome for your birthday, which of my friends would you pick to join in?''

NEVER give two names...

[First Wazzock 902]

BBC RADIO NORFOLK

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don''t know.

Stewart White:

I''ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct. And if you''re not weak, you''re...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten''s first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?

[TIL 1010 4,717]

If you kill yourself it is suicide.

If you murder someone it is homicide.

If you murder several people it is genocide.

If you have not won the league for more than twenty years it is Merseyside.

[YellowNets1901 0]

Myra Hindley walks across the dark and windy Moors holding the hand of a young boy. He turns to Myra, crying, and says "I''m really scared". Myra turns to the boy and says "You''re scared? I''ve got to walk back on my own".

[First Wazzock 902]

"I am so sorry Syd. I''ve been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been using your wife, day and night when you''re not around. In fact, more than you. I''m not getting any at home, but that''s no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won''t happen again."

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife" Sorry!!!!!!!!!!

[Bill 1,788]

[quote user="YellowNets1901"]Myra Hindley walks across the dark and windy Moors holding the hand of a young boy. He turns to Myra, crying, and says "I''m really scared". Myra turns to the boy and says "You''re scared? I''ve got to walk back on my own".[/quote]and you think that is ''funny''  ?you are a sick cu  nt

[YellowNets1901 0]

Yes I did find it ''funny''.

[Bill 1,788]

[quote user="YellowNets1901"]Yes I did find it ''funny''.[/quote]not only were the children involved in this horror murdered but sexually assaulted and tortured before their murdermurder and gross paedophilia are worthy of joking aboutperhaps you have some jokes about Milly Dowler, the Soham Murders, James Bulger as well

[Tommie Tippee 0]

My wife asked me "what does Vice versa mean"

"It''s the other way round" I said

So she said "Ok then smartass, what''s versa vice mean"

[BroadstairsR 2,135]

[quote user="City1st"][quote user="YellowNets1901"]Myra Hindley walks across the dark and windy Moors holding the hand of a young boy. He turns to Myra, crying, and says "I''m really scared". Myra turns to the boy and says "You''re scared? I''ve got to walk back on my own".[/quote]

and you think that is ''funny''  ?

you are a sick cu  nt


[/quote]

 

Are there no depths to which weak minded people will sink in an attempt to impress others?

 

Like City 1st. I find this "joke" offensive.

 

As human beings we have to maintain a degree of decency for our own self-respect and to the value of the society we live in.

 

Awful, truly awful,  and not the slightest bit amusing. Not the slightest.