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Big Vince

Delia's Vow: a Canary Odyssey

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I have it on good authority from within the club that should the Canaries find themselves behind at half-time then the CAP (Canary Action Plan) will swing into place. The CAP is as follows:

3.50pm: Half-time whistle blows

3.51pm: Mr Robert Chase starts to change into a tracksuit in an ante room just off the players tunnel

3.53pm: Wearing a grey suit, Delia Smith storms out onto the pitch with a microphone to announce that Chrissy Hughton has been sacked.

3.54pm: Delia Smith explains to the assembled Canary hordes that Mr Chase has been brought in on an emergency loan deal to the end of January to "sort out the dressing room"

4.00pm: Delia Smith leaves the centre circle to the thud of 26,000 Canary jaws crashing to the terrace floors

4.02pm: Mr Chase appears in the tunnel and strides confidently out to take his rightful place in the technical area. Meanwhile, St John''s Ambulance are having extreme difficulty dealing with the huge number of broken jaws in the galleries.

4.05pm: Teams reappear

4.55pm: Final whistle blows

Result: Norwich City 6, Hull City 1

Elmander 5 (he''s a mate of Mr Chase''s)

Van Wolfswinkel

5.05pm: Mr Chase signs extended deal to the end of the season

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