Ground Contraction

[Juggy 0]

I used to be an advocate of ground expansion, but I''ve realised that this club doesn''t need any more idiots. Instead I''m going to email McNally and suggest that he proposes to the other members of the board a process of Ground Contraction. 

Under my proposals the club will identify areas of the ground in which we can reduce capacity, to around 20000 in total, allowing us to remove the 7000 least intelligent. No demolition required, us remaining fans can all have a little more leg/bum room (or bring our pets for free). 

The club will then invest a proportion of the £30m that they were planning on spending on ground expansion on a ''transition'' scheme to ensure that they can rehouse these fans in other local clubs. They will each get a one year season ticket to Ipswich Town or Cambridge United and the club will run shuttle buses from each of the substantial Norfolk towns and villages (those which are large enough to be on the map) to the club assigned to them. After this year is up they will still get the shuttle bus, but will have to pay for season tickets out of their scratchcard budget.

I''m not yet sure how the club would decide which of the cleansed fans would go to Ipswich, Peterborough, Colchester or Cambridge, but I suspect the least intelligent would be sent to Ipswich. I wouldn''t want us to be too harsh on Cambridge, as a town they have something to offer us - as it''s the closest place to Norwich that anybody from anywhere else in the world has heard of. If we destroy Cambridge we wouldn''t be able to explain our geographical location as "about 60 miles from Cambridge" when holidaying in the USA. 

Another large chunk of the money which would have been spent on expansion can be invested in buying up Norwich City forums, such as this one, so that the club can identify and remove blacklisted fans. Once again, the club would help people out by assisting in creating accounts on suitable alternative forums. 

I would perhaps suggest that they also get branded with the name and badge of their new club so that stewards can identify the disqualified if they try and get back into paradise when they realise (years after us suitably qualified fans) that things are actually really great at Carrow Road and that life in the lower leagues is rather depressing, that one would have to be run past some human rights lawyers, although if we duped them into thinking they were signing a Hughton Out petition instead of a contract forcing them to get a tattoo on their forehead then that should be legally sound enough?

This really is the only way that the club can progress. 

[Block Y Seat 176 80]

A turkey wishing for Xmas!

H

[Brighton Yellow 0]

Very good.

[Herman 9,696]

Meh!