Daniel Brigham 0 Posted September 6, 2013 In moments of rare sympathy for Glenn Roeder I find myself wondering what it would be like to hear 25,000 people barking “you don''t know what you''re doing” at you for 90 minutes.Pretty humiliating. Emotionally painful. It cuts straight to the core of what you do: a whole stadium directly telling you that you''re no good at your job.It is also the most misused chants in football. Because, unless they’re taking off Gary Lineker for Alan Smith, managers do tend to know what they’re doing. Except, it seems, when it comes to transfer deadline day. Did Paolo Di Canio, Joe Kinnear and Ian Holloway know what they were doing on Monday? It appears not. Their transfer dealings, along with, to some extent, Steve Clarke’s and Martin Jol’s, means their teams will be in for a long season of relegation paranoia. So, who’s going down?The threat of relegation – which becomes more and more agonising the longer Norwich are in the Premier League – is unlikely to trouble Chris Hughton this season. He has spent wisely. Leroy Fer brings a Vierraesque presence in midfield that Norwich have lacked since, well, ever. RvW is a willing worker with an innate understanding of how to get into the right place to score goals and Nathan Redmond is a matchwinner. Would any of those three look out of place in the squads of the top six? It''s a measure of how far the club has come. Southampton should also be safe. Although there are still doubts about Mauricio Pochettino – have they really improved since sacking Nigel Adkins? – they have also recruited well (while admittedly paying above the odds). Cardiff have a clever manager who sets teams up to expose opposition weakness in much the same way Paul Lambert did and a team that can score goals. Stoke are enjoying their football again and West Ham, despite missing out on several targets, have a mid-table squad and a manager who just does not do relegation. Both Palace and Sunderland have reacted to the gift of the TV gazillions by buying every player, ever. Between them, Di Canio and Holloway, the footballing equivalent of Bottom''s Eddie and Richie, have bought in 27 players. On average, that''s one player bought every 56 hours during the transfer window. Technically, that is mental. So rapid was Palace’s spree on the last day that three players who started their first match of the season haven''t made their 25-man squad. Hannibal, who absolutely loved it when a plan came together, would be chewing on his cigar in horror at the lack of planning. The most familiar of Palace''s signings, former Arsenal lump Marouane Chamakh, might well score a lot of goals for them, but only in the same way that Danny Dyer might one day play James Bond. They’ll scrap away but, like a dog trying to dig a hole under a brick wall, the scrapping will be futile. If Holloway is mad in a tiresome-old-uncle way, then Di Canio is mad in a 10-year-stretch-in-Belmarsh way. He has captured three very good players in Emanuele Giaccerini, Andrea Dossena and Modibo Diakite but Sunderland fans are already worried that Di Canio takes the word ‘capture’ far too literally. So severe are his training methods that no one would be surprised if he locks his players in cages overnight, feeding them with scraps of raw meat. It appears he still hasn’t learnt the first rule of Premier League management: don''t ** off your players in public. They really don''t like it. They know they can find a new club far easier than the manager can, so why would they put up with a boss who is constantly berating them? As well as putting up with Di Canio’s machine-gun ego, Sunderland will also have to make do without goalkeeper Simon Mignolet. It can already be argued that he has saved four points for his new club Liverpool in just three games, and it shows just how vital a quality keeper is; for a team like Sunderland four points could be the difference between Yeovil away next season or maintaining Premier League football. Goalkeeping is also an issue at West Brom, who will have to make do without Ben Foster for three months. The club obviously recognise this, which is why they have brought in Lee Camp. Good luck with that. Like a lottery winner insisting on renting their washing machine, West Brom have also continued their curious policy of spending very little and relying on loans and frees despite several seasons in the Premier League. One man could have transformed their entire season, but Romelu Lukaku chose Everton. Instead they’ve ended up swapping him for Victor Anichibe, which is like trading in Ryan Gosling for Ryan from Blue. Stephane Sessegnong, Diego Lugano, Matej Vydra and Scott Sinclair are all clever signings (they even paid money for Sessegnong), but still West Brom appear allergic to building for the future. That sense of myopia can be cancerous to a squad: what exactly are they playing for? What’s the long-term goal?Fulham are in a similar position. Dimitar Berbetov and Bryan Ruiz have been supplemented in the transfer window by Adel Taarabt and Darren Bent. It is a foursome to rival the Rat Pack for luxurious glamour, but ask Sinatra, and Dean Martin to track back on a cold night in Stoke and they would have had you shot by the Mafia (possibly). Fulham remind me of the Sydney Opera House when it first opened: sleek, good-looking and stylish but with one major problem. It had only one toilet. With so much lazy flair in the attacking players it is too much to ask Steve Sidwell and new recruit Scott Parker – the men who do the vital toilet work – to stop Fulham being pierced open. Any side with a bit of pace in their attack – and that''s most teams these days – will have drawn a big smiley face over Fulham on the fixtures chart. While Mike Ashley continues his excellent impression of what a Sunderland fan would do if they owned Newcastle, Alan Pardew still has enough good players to avoid a repeat of last season. While many moan that Joe Kinnear has done nothing in the transfer window, that''s probably for the best. Perhaps someone pointed out to him that Vinnie Jones and Hans Segers were no longer available.Either way, with the returning Hatem Ben Arfa and plenty of quality signed in January it is inconceivable that Newcastle will go down despite the best efforts of Ashley and Kinnear.Finally, Hull. They’ve spent the least of the three promoted sides but Tom Huddlestone and Jake Livermore are excellent acquisitions and Hull should compete strongly in midfield against the teams around them. They will have been disappointed to miss out on Shane Long on the last day of the transfer window and whether they can stay up may depend on how often loan signings but Gedo and Danny Graham can find the net. So, my three for Yeovil away next season? Palace are doomed. Their manager lacks nous, their squad lacks quality. Di Canio is too much of a volatile oddball for his Sunderland players to want to play for him and even if he’s sacked a new boss won’t be able to do much with such a hit-and-miss squad. The final spot is between Hull, Fulham and West Brom. As tempting as it is to think that the identity crisis that both Fulham and WBA are suffering from will drag one of them into the Championship, logic suggests that Hull don’t have enough goals in them to stay up. When you’re relying on two on-loan strikers keeping you up, there is usually only one way your season will go.Daniel Brigham is features editor of The Cricketer magazine.Follow him on Twitter: @cricketer_dan Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ron obvious 1,473 Posted September 6, 2013 Amusing & pretty fair assessment. Thanks for that & keep them coming please Daniel. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleCanary 5,531 Posted September 6, 2013 [quote user="Daniel Brigham"]So, my three for Yeovil away next season?[/quote] They are that bad they''re going to drop two divisions? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Brigham 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Well, I''m no Yeovil expert, but I give them a fighting chance of staying in the Championship. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 So you think that Yeovil are nailed on certainties for relegation then? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Good blog - I think this deserves a bump on account of the time taken by the OP to produce this. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Brigham 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Thanks Louis Cyphre. Reading it back I wish I''d has a bit more time to write it! Who do you think will be relegated? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morty 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Good read[Y]From a personal point of view I haven''t given that end of the table much thought, as I genuinely don''t think it will concern us this season. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Daniel,I think it is simply too early to tell until some of the randomness of the early fixture schedule evens itself out. For example, we have not had a single match yet where I would have been happy to take a guranteed point before the match started. However, if this doesnt sound illogical, history does tell us that there are usually one or two teams who get off to a bad start (simply through fixture scheduling, injuries and luck) who then find it difficult to recover. In this respect, I think West Brom will be starting to feel anxious about losing twice at home against mid table rivals and Sunderland just anxious full stop.I think all the newly promoted teams are going to struggle to score enough, but I have liked the way that Hull are organised and I could see them grinding out points. Palace are going to leak more than Hull and I really cant see them staying up, but I have yet to see Cardiff play.Of the remining teams, I think will see as per usual blanket finish between 38 points and 46 points whereby a win on the last day could make the difference between flirting with relegation and 8th/9th, just like happened to us last year. There really is little diffference between most of the non-top six teams on a week in and week out business. Decisive factors are normally consistency or hot streaks where draws or converted in to losses.May I suggest that we ressurect your thread after say six matches and have another look? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ricardo 7,239 Posted September 6, 2013 For my part I would argue that at this stage it can be nothing more than speculation no matter how well reasoned your points may seem now. After a dozen games we will begin to see the picture and as history has shown us, two of the bottom five at that stage are certain to be relegated. Until then I''m not prepared to put my head on the chopping block other than to say that Palace and Hull are very likely to feature in that equation.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
im spartacus canary 0 Posted September 6, 2013 excellent read i like a good analogy, you should try doing this for a living [:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
killiecanary 0 Posted September 6, 2013 I really enjoyed this piece of writing Daniel and found myself nodding in agreement with almost all of it. Easily the best of your blogs so far.Only quibble I''d have is WBA. I actually think that they''ve brought in a few good players, and I would have had Sessegnon here like a shot.Don''t see them being too near the bottom. Sunderland and Newcastle are worse than them in my view. Palace, Sunderland and Hull for me, followed by Newcastle and Stoke. Thanks for the entertaining read Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Chops 7 Posted September 6, 2013 [quote user="Daniel Brigham"]In moments of rare sympathy for Glenn Roeder I find myself wondering what it would be like to hear 25,000 people barking “you don''t know what you''re doing” at you for 90 minutes.Pretty humiliating. Emotionally painful. It cuts straight to the core of what you do: a whole stadium directly telling you that you''re no good at your job.It is also the most misused chants in football. Because, unless they’re taking off Gary Lineker for Alan Smith, managers do tend to know what they’re doing. Except, it seems, when it comes to transfer deadline day. Did Paolo Di Canio, Joe Kinnear and Ian Holloway know what they were doing on Monday? It appears not. Their transfer dealings, along with, to some extent, Steve Clarke’s and Martin Jol’s, means their teams will be in for a long season of relegation paranoia. So, who’s going down?The threat of relegation – which becomes more and more agonising the longer Norwich are in the Premier League – is unlikely to trouble Chris Hughton this season. He has spent wisely. Leroy Fer brings a Vierraesque presence in midfield that Norwich have lacked since, well, ever. RvW is a willing worker with an innate understanding of how to get into the right place to score goals and Nathan Redmond is a matchwinner. Would any of those three look out of place in the squads of the top six? It''s a measure of how far the club has come. Southampton should also be safe. Although there are still doubts about Mauricio Pochettino – have they really improved since sacking Nigel Adkins? – they have also recruited well (while admittedly paying above the odds). Cardiff have a clever manager who sets teams up to expose opposition weakness in much the same way Paul Lambert did and a team that can score goals. Stoke are enjoying their football again and West Ham, despite missing out on several targets, have a mid-table squad and a manager who just does not do relegation. Both Palace and Sunderland have reacted to the gift of the TV gazillions by buying every player, ever. Between them, Di Canio and Holloway, the footballing equivalent of Bottom''s Eddie and Richie, have bought in 27 players. On average, that''s one player bought every 56 hours during the transfer window. Technically, that is mental. So rapid was Palace’s spree on the last day that three players who started their first match of the season haven''t made their 25-man squad. Hannibal, who absolutely loved it when a plan came together, would be chewing on his cigar in horror at the lack of planning. The most familiar of Palace''s signings, former Arsenal lump Marouane Chamakh, might well score a lot of goals for them, but only in the same way that Danny Dyer might one day play James Bond. They’ll scrap away but, like a dog trying to dig a hole under a brick wall, the scrapping will be futile. If Holloway is mad in a tiresome-old-uncle way, then Di Canio is mad in a 10-year-stretch-in-Belmarsh way. He has captured three very good players in Emanuele Giaccerini, Andrea Dossena and Modibo Diakite but Sunderland fans are already worried that Di Canio takes the word ‘capture’ far too literally. So severe are his training methods that no one would be surprised if he locks his players in cages overnight, feeding them with scraps of raw meat. It appears he still hasn’t learnt the first rule of Premier League management: don''t ** off your players in public. They really don''t like it. They know they can find a new club far easier than the manager can, so why would they put up with a boss who is constantly berating them? As well as putting up with Di Canio’s machine-gun ego, Sunderland will also have to make do without goalkeeper Simon Mignolet. It can already be argued that he has saved four points for his new club Liverpool in just three games, and it shows just how vital a quality keeper is; for a team like Sunderland four points could be the difference between Yeovil away next season or maintaining Premier League football. Goalkeeping is also an issue at West Brom, who will have to make do without Ben Foster for three months. The club obviously recognise this, which is why they have brought in Lee Camp. Good luck with that. Like a lottery winner insisting on renting their washing machine, West Brom have also continued their curious policy of spending very little and relying on loans and frees despite several seasons in the Premier League. One man could have transformed their entire season, but Romelu Lukaku chose Everton. Instead they’ve ended up swapping him for Victor Anichibe, which is like trading in Ryan Gosling for Ryan from Blue. Stephane Sessegnong, Diego Lugano, Matej Vydra and Scott Sinclair are all clever signings (they even paid money for Sessegnong), but still West Brom appear allergic to building for the future. That sense of myopia can be cancerous to a squad: what exactly are they playing for? What’s the long-term goal?Fulham are in a similar position. Dimitar Berbetov and Bryan Ruiz have been supplemented in the transfer window by Adel Taarabt and Darren Bent. It is a foursome to rival the Rat Pack for luxurious glamour, but ask Sinatra, and Dean Martin to track back on a cold night in Stoke and they would have had you shot by the Mafia (possibly). Fulham remind me of the Sydney Opera House when it first opened: sleek, good-looking and stylish but with one major problem. It had only one toilet. With so much lazy flair in the attacking players it is too much to ask Steve Sidwell and new recruit Scott Parker – the men who do the vital toilet work – to stop Fulham being pierced open. Any side with a bit of pace in their attack – and that''s most teams these days – will have drawn a big smiley face over Fulham on the fixtures chart. While Mike Ashley continues his excellent impression of what a Sunderland fan would do if they owned Newcastle, Alan Pardew still has enough good players to avoid a repeat of last season. While many moan that Joe Kinnear has done nothing in the transfer window, that''s probably for the best. Perhaps someone pointed out to him that Vinnie Jones and Hans Segers were no longer available.Either way, with the returning Hatem Ben Arfa and plenty of quality signed in January it is inconceivable that Newcastle will go down despite the best efforts of Ashley and Kinnear.Finally, Hull. They’ve spent the least of the three promoted sides but Tom Huddlestone and Jake Livermore are excellent acquisitions and Hull should compete strongly in midfield against the teams around them. They will have been disappointed to miss out on Shane Long on the last day of the transfer window and whether they can stay up may depend on how often loan signings but Gedo and Danny Graham can find the net. So, my three for Yeovil away next season? Palace are doomed. Their manager lacks nous, their squad lacks quality. Di Canio is too much of a volatile oddball for his Sunderland players to want to play for him and even if he’s sacked a new boss won’t be able to do much with such a hit-and-miss squad. The final spot is between Hull, Fulham and West Brom. As tempting as it is to think that the identity crisis that both Fulham and WBA are suffering from will drag one of them into the Championship, logic suggests that Hull don’t have enough goals in them to stay up. When you’re relying on two on-loan strikers keeping you up, there is usually only one way your season will go.Daniel Brigham is features editor of The Cricketer magazine.Follow him on Twitter: @cricketer_dan[/quote] Sessegnong? Berbetov?Binner. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 [quote user="Daniel Brigham"]Thanks Louis Cyphre. Reading it back I wish I''d has a bit more time to write it! Who do you think will be relegated?[/quote]Chops, it is very easy to be a knocker, but I really enjoyed Daniel''s contribution and he has already acknowledged the typos. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Brigham 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Chops - it should be ''24-hour period'' not ''24 hour period''. But no one''s perfect eh. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Brigham 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Killiecanary - I agree WBA have made some clever signings. If I was a fan I''d be worried that they don''t really have any sense of direction about them though. I think they''ll be safe though. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 Daniel/Killie,WBA have got one hell of a Lukaku sized hole in their attack. Anelka is a risk on many levels, Vydra is unproven, Amechibe (spelling?) hasnt ripped any trees at Everton in 3 or 4 years and Long must be shattered by being made to be a pawn between WBA and Hull. On top of this, they have played three games (two of which have been at home agianst mid ranking sides) and scored nil goals. I sometimes worry about us, but we have taken 4 points at home aaginst roughly comprable oppsoition and scored three goals with many critical players injured. Sessegnon is a bit of a wild card though, he will either be a catalyst for them or continue his decline from the Sunderland high watermark. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RvWs 4 year contract 0 Posted September 6, 2013 I''ve got a sneaky feeling Palace will stay up.Not really sure why as on paper their squad is very weak. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 I have just looked at the goal stats after three gmes and yes it is early days, but if I was a WBA or Newcastle fan would be deeply worried about scoring 0 and 1 goal respectively, each from two realtively comfortable home games (Southampton/Swansea) and (West Ham/Fulham). Next worst in the goals scored league is Hull, but they have played Chelsea and Man City away, so I would tend to look more favourably on this that for WBA/Newcastle. Rambling on, yes, but still worth discussing.Out of interest, we are joint 7th after three games. Early days, but encouraging given that we are starting to look tighter at the back than last season''s average. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Cerberus 0 Posted September 6, 2013 RvW''s 4 year contractBased upon the evidence of just three games, I would bet my house on Hull bettering Palace, simply because they have gone away to Chelsea and Man City and not looked outclassed or been humilated. That is something we cant say we have achieved in either of our first two seasons, nevermind our first three games. I think they will be solid, but lack goals, so they willbe reliant on lots of 1-0 and 0-0s. Whwears Palce will probaly reflect their manager''s personality - all over the shop and likleytoconced many more goals, tehreby denying them the ability to grind out a few 1-0''s. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nutty nigel 7,352 Posted September 7, 2013 Nice sig Louis[Y] If you had any class you''d quote it properly so that there could be no doubt what I said ... I still do agree with it though.. 2003/4 was one of the happiest season of all time for me. Shame you didn''t appreciate any of it. I expect that feckin'' Doomcaster''s position spoilt it for you.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RvWs 4 year contract 0 Posted September 7, 2013 [quote user="nutty nigel"]Nice sig Louis[Y] If you had any class you''d quote it properly so that there could be no doubt what I said ... I still do agree with it though.. 2003/4 was one of the happiest season of all time for me. Shame you didn''t appreciate any of it. I expect that feckin'' Doomcaster''s position spoilt it for you.... [/quote]My favourite season was the last promotion season (although I was around for 2003/4). Had some top away games that season. [8] WE BEAT THE SCUM 5-1! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nutty nigel 7,352 Posted September 7, 2013 Yeah.. that was my favourite game of all time buddy. I was trying to make sure I remembered everything that night from the goals to the scoreboard to the faces of the binners as they held their heads in their hands. 2003/4 was different for me. It was magical. The whole Huckerby drama and him finally signing. We won the league with 94 points and a +40 goal difference. First time back in the Prem since Chase fled. It was special. Of course I have other favourite seasons for various reasons. But how anybody can look back to 2002/3/4 and suggest failure from the people that ran the club astounds me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Chops 7 Posted September 7, 2013 [quote user="Daniel Brigham"]Chops - it should be ''24-hour period'' not ''24 hour period''. But no one''s perfect eh.[/quote]Thank you, and I stand corrected.You could really use a comma after "perfect". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Chops 7 Posted September 7, 2013 [quote user="Mister Chops"][quote user="Louis Cyphre"]And before you say it, dont play the tongue in cheek card as this simply not needed for a thread like this.[/quote]Wouldn''t dream of it. It should be obvious that I was sincerely and wholeheartedly calling Daniel a binner.[/quote]Whole-heartedly, perhaps. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Daniel Brigham 0 Posted September 7, 2013 No, I''d say wholeheartedly is fine as one word. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Chops 7 Posted September 7, 2013 [quote user="Daniel Brigham"]No, I''d say wholeheartedly is fine as one word.[/quote]Thanks.Good blog again, by the way. Not sure you can call the relegation candidates just yet, and I think Hull might have a bit more about them than many suspect, but an entertaining read. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lets be aving you! 0 Posted September 7, 2013 "WBA have got one hell of a Lukaku sized hole in their attack. Anelka is a risk on many levels, Vydra is unproven, Amechibe (spelling?) hasnt ripped any trees at Everton in 3 or 4 years and Long must be shattered by being made to be a pawn between WBA and Hull." Fully agree with this. I can see WBA really struggling this season. Shane Long must be thoroughly peeved at having a medical and then having the plug pulled on his transfer at the last moment. Shane Long and the unloved Rosenberg aside, Albion have a completely new forward line and Clarke might well be picking up his P45 before they have time to gel. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Chops 7 Posted September 7, 2013 Anichebe might surprise a few if he stays fit, his injury issues were one of the reasons he didn''t cut through at Everton but he looks a decent signing to me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites