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Iwans Big Toe

Your unrealistic expectaions for the season

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I''m hoping that  after flopping in Barcelona Neymar signs for City on January deadline day, Ipswich Town to go on a club record of 41 games without a win and everyone on the board will get along and not argue for the next 9 months.

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[quote user="The Frisbee Hyena"]I''m hoping that  after flopping in Barcelona Neymar signs for City on January deadline day, Ipswich Town to go on a club record of 41 games without a win and everyone on the board will get along and not argue for the next 9 months.[/quote]*THIS message board, not the boardroom....... oh never mind I''m going to bed.

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Norwich to have no shots on target in any away game this season, and to win each home game 1-0 with 15% possession and 2 shots on goal in each match.  Bradley Johnson achieves 80% passing success by tapping it back to Turner who hoofs it into the Jarrold Stand. The "Iron Curtain" defence has Calderwood poached by England, we get a new coach in and start playing free flowing entertaining football which everybody hates because we keep losing 5-3.  Hughton gets sacked, we bring in Eddie Howe from Bournemouth and end up in the Europa League.

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TFH, it''s the debates that make partaking in the message board so interesting. If we all agreed on everything this would be boring. We can all agree on this comment however.

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We will have a shockingly successful season, winning three league titles and a vast array of cups,min lauding the World Cup.

Let me explain!

It all starts when Delia decides to buy Leeds outright, and make them a subsidiary of NCFC as McNally''s phone bill calling to buy all their players is getting out of hand. They win The Championship and the League Cup, what ever its called these days. No one really cares, and at the end of the season a sex shop in Croydon decide to sponsor the cup.

Delia, deciding she fancies a bit more sun, decides to buy Barcelona too, with a similar arrangement, she says they play ''ok football, but really I''m just getting too old for the sh!t Norfolk weather, I''m off b!tches''. The idea still was to send any decent Barca players to Norwich, but McNally and Hughton between them decide none of them are really up to first team standard. Barcelona do though complete the league, cup and CL treble, and build multiple statues of Delia around and city, and one in solid platinum in Madrid outside Real''s stadium.

Norwich themselves have an average season, only managing to secure the league after the 28th consecutive win, and the 10th game in a row that RVW and Hooper both scored hattricks. They fell out in game three of that run, when the couldn''t decide who got to keep the ball, so there on only played one half each, and whoever played first half just kept that ball. Man.U at this stage have only one once and face certain relegation, while Spurs, with Gareth Bale sitting in reserves still not talking to anyone and assumed to now be officially dumb look set to finish second. Ipswich of course, after Leeds/Norwich B Side sign all their players get relegated, but we do draw them in round 3 of the FA cup, and get Holt on loan for one game in which he single handedly annihilates them, literally. We go on to win the FA Cup, scrapping a 2-1 win in the final minutes against Bournemouth. Surman having the game of his life, but McNally had bribed the referee in anticipation of this, and poor old Surman had 4 goals disallowed for seemingly no reason, before the linesman hacked him down in the 72nd minute to avoid any further embarrassment for the officials, snapping his achilles tendon. Surman announces his retirement after the game, to take up gardening, but gets injured on the first day in the job.

After such a successful season, Delia decides to petition to have Norfolk become an independent nation, she succeeds after a suspiciously long private session in Number 10 between David Cameron and Michael Wynn-Jones, it gets pushing through and Norfolk automatically qualify for the World Cup after France retreat at a single drunken threat from a west Norfolk farmer. The country managed to bribe Fifa, with potatoes and mustard, which the establishment are running particularly low on, to allow any player who has stopped foot in Norfolk to be eligible to play for them in the World Cup, and to also allow capped players from other nations switch to the vastly superior nation as this is clearly Andy unprecedented situation. The Norfolk side ends up looking very strong, with the likes of Messi, Ronaldo, Ibrahimovic and Wilbraham teaming up in a 4-2-4 formation, as newly appointed manager Bryan Gunn, despite being a foreigner getting the nod, knows the Norfolk people won''t accept anything less than pure attacking football. With Pirlo and Xavi linking the fearsome defence and unstoppable attack, Norfolk win the World Cup. Beating Brazil in the final, Wilbraham of course the star man, scoring a hatful of goals. Messi and Ronaldo chipped in with a couple, while Ibrahmimovic just looked on in awe.

McNally, not wanting to be upstaged by the nation he now found himself in, decides to leave to become CEO of a second division Jamaican side, who within 3 seasons become a world superpower in football.

Some other keys events of the season include:

Moyes having a mental breakdown when Howard Webb breaks their bond and gives a penalty to Hull at Old Trafford.

Bayern Munich slump and finish 7th, and get knocked out in the early stages of their domestic cup and the CL.

PSG and Monaco buy every other French team and end up playing on the streets of Paris and Monaco with teams of up to 356 players, for up to 36 hours. With only 3 subs still allowed.

Qatar after the Brazil World Cup decide to relinquish their 2022 spot, allowing a joint bid from Norfolk, Wales and the Isle of White to be put forward.

Wenger spontaneously combusts on the day Norwich secure the league title.

Almeria finish second in La Liga.

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[quote user="Houston Canary"]TFH, it''s the debates that make partaking in the message board so interesting. If we all agreed on everything this would be boring. We can all agree on this comment however.[/quote]It really is true that Americans have no concept of irony. [:)]

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[quote user="Grant Holts 3 year contract"][quote user="Gingerpele"]I hope someone likes that, I spent ages on it...[/quote]

You''ve spent faaaaar too much time thinking about that mate [:P]

See you at half time by the way![/quote]

Didn''t think about it, just wrote it... Took 20 mins though...

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[quote user="Gingerpele"]I hope someone likes that, I spent ages on it...[/quote]

Made me chuckle GP, especially the bit about France retreating after a drunken threat from a West Norfolk farmer...

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