The Wet Pant Scale

[dpit 1]

Noting the varying shades of angst and bravado/ optimism and pessimism on here at the moment, I think the time has come to introduce an empirical measure which we can use to describe the state of our underwear as events unfold over the coming weeks.

The Wet Pant Scale

0: Arid: Pants have the consistency of sun baked cardboard.

1: Droplet sprinkled: Knickers still crispy but one or points of moisture are present.

2: Tendency to moistness: Undies have lost their crunchy quality, allowing them to mould to your form but are still somewhat dry.

3: Slightly soggy: Briefs are noticeably heavier due to the retention of liquid but no dripping is present.

4: Wet: Seepage is now an issue. Legs are warm.

5: Sodden: Outer garments are now also infused.

6: Flooded: Lower half is awash. Standing in an ever-expanding pool.

I rate my current state at 2 but could easily go to 3 by the end of the weekend (or possibly back to 1)

[Citizen Journalist Foghorn 0]

Currently a 1, mainly due to the excitement of the upcoming games.  If we lose against Villa and Wiggums win on Saturday, that will be a 3.  The 3 could easily become a 5 if they take the lead against Swansea next Tuesday!

[morty 0]

1 for me.

[lincoln canary (& Golden Coppel) 0]

7

[Mr Brownstone 0]

Currently a 2. Hoping to be a 1 at 4:50pm on Saturday. If we lose then I could well progress to a 4.

[nutty nigel 7,509]

Be careful Dippity. This thread is clearly meant to pigeon hole others and cause divisions. You''ll have Saint Indy on yer case buddy..

 

 

[PurpleCanary 5,554]

This misses out -9 - so dry they could be mistaken for Conservative policies on unemployment and benefits.

[First Wazzock 902]

A loss on Saturday will put me at 7 - $hit creek minus the paddle (perhaps opening up a new scale of concern!!!) [:P]

[Sussexyellow 55]

Had Wigan have held on against Spurs I think Wet Pants would have become a totally inadequate term on this board!!!!

I predicted that we would only draw against Reading so mine have dried out a bit - around a 2.

[macdougalls perm 0]

I''m currently between 1 and 2 but this will either have changed to 0 or 3/4 by 5pm on Saturday

[Warren Hill 0]

[quote user="lincoln canary"]7[/quote]

 

An otters pocket......surprise....

 

 

[dpit 1]

Please note that for women the whole scale should be used in reverse order.

[nutty nigel 7,509]

[quote user="dpit"]Please note that for women the whole scale should be used in reverse order.[/quote]

 

 

What about old women[:^)]

 

 

[Tim Dawson 0]

4

[Warren Hill 0]

[quote user="nutty nigel"]

[quote user="dpit"]Please note that for women the whole scale should be used in reverse order.[/quote]

 

 

What about old women[:^)]

 

 

[/quote]

 

Til1010 is your mate....

 

 

[ABC (A Basingstoke Canary) 26]

I''m afraid the concept of "sun baked cardboard / crispy / crunchy" underwear conjures up unimaginable images [:$]

[marvin the martian 0]

I''m at the stage where I need some Tena pants

[Andy Larkin 15]

Men don''t wear knickers, well not under normal circumstances, do they? Surely its pants, shorts or briefs (G-strings are the sole domain of one Peter Stringfellow)?All the same… a big fat 0 - which is the shape some of the 7''s ringos will be come Saturday.

[Yellowfuture 71]

1 all round!

[......and Smith must score. 1,332]

[quote user="Andy Larkin"]Men don''t wear knickers, well not under normal circumstances, do they? Surely its pants, shorts or briefs (G-strings are the sole domain of one Peter Stringfellow)?All the same… a big fat 0 - which is the shape some of the 7''s ringos will be come Saturday.[/quote]Oh I don''t know.............depends what you mean by normal [;)]Anyway what''s wrong with long johns ? The Club Shop should bring in a new emergency waterproof line with elasticated sexy ankles. Only available in an attractive light brown shade. A must have accessory for the Villa game. In the event of an involuntary evacuation as a result of horrors on the pitch, bladder or otherwise, any embarrassment can be discreetly avoided and dealt with in the privacy of one''s home.Currently hovering around the 1 mark personally.......

[Mister Chops 7]

Mine are dry at the front, but have massive skid marks at the back.  These have also dried, and in some cases "furred over".  What does that count as?

[morty 0]

[quote user="Mister Chops"]Mine are dry at the front, but have massive skid marks at the back.  These have also dried, and in some cases "furred over".  What does that count as?[/quote]I think you''re looking at number 2.[:)]

[dpit 1]

"Mine are dry at the front, but have massive skid marks at the back. These have also dried, and in some cases "furred over". What does that count as?"

Mr Chops you need to refer to the Squeaky Bum Ratings. I can''t be arsed (did you notice that cheeky one...oops I did it again) to go through all the different levels but it sounds like you might be at about 3 (buttocks clenching regularly, some collateral pant staining damage incurred)

[Redders Right Foot 22]

0

and that is all thanks to Spurs on sunday. here''s to arsenal wba and swansea doing a bit better than spurs and us doing better than we did last saturday (Y)

[Chunky Norwich 0]

[quote user="dpit"]Please note that for women the whole scale should be used in reverse order.[/quote][;)]

[dpit 1]

Just gone to a 2.

[dpit 1]

3

[dpit 1]

1

[dpit 1]

2

[dpit 1]

4.5