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The Butler

The REAL Friday Joke thread.(It'snow joke)

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[quote user="refjezdavies"]Of course everyone knows that Bly isn''t saying ''on the ball city'' he''s just showing he''s a fully paid up member of the ''old thick b@sturds club''

[/quote]

Careful now Jez i just had canarygirl on my case on another thread for remarking how(as usual) he bumped his own thread.

Anyway i just bought 8 legs of venison in Tesco for £10 each. Do you think it was 2 deer ?

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I thought I saw ( insert someones name here ) name on a loaf of bread, when I looked carefully it actually said ''thick cut''

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Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife''s voice from the kitchen, ''What do you feel like for dinner my love ...... chicken, beef or lamb?'' I said, ''Chicken, please.'' She replied, ''You''re having soup you fat b*stard, I was talking to the cat!''

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An elderly man was stopped by the police around 2 a.m and was asked where he was going at that time of night.
The man replied, "I''m on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late."

The officer then asked, "Really? Who''s giving that lecture at this time of night?"

The man replied, "That would be my wife."

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 Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of marriage.
When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married.
She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.
Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow!
Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while basking in the glow of being highly aroused.
The therapist turned to Bob and said, ''This is what your wife needs at least three times a week.. Can you do this?''
Bob thought for a moment and replied, ''Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays ..But on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays I play bowls ...!!!!!!

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I picked up some sausages the other day; they had a picture of Anthony Worrall Thompson on the packet. Underneath, it said ''Prick With A Fork''. A little harsh, I thought...

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[quote user="TynemouthCanary"]I picked up some sausages the other day; they had a picture of Anthony Worrall Thompson on the packet. Underneath, it said ''Pr*ck With A Fork''. A little harsh, I thought...[/quote]
Dammit! ''Pr*ck With A Fork''

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Arnie, a young American, was on a short break holiday in the Norfolk countryside. The next day he was going for a job interview in London but he needed to ask for directions, so he spoke to a local policeman.

''Yo, feller, could you possibly tell me the quickest way to London?''

The policeman replied, ''You driving or walking, lad?''
Arnie quickly replied, ''Driving.''

The policeman nodded wisely, saying: ''Oooh aargh, that be certainly the quickest way''.

 

 

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Chucking out Tesco horseradish sauce. Just in case.

Breaking news: Supermarkets also removing veggie burgers from shelves as traces of UniQuorn found!

To eat or not eat a Tesco burger? That is equestrian.

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