Lord Horn 0 Posted June 17, 2011 Just to pass time until 9 0''clock!!!!!So this guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender "Give me two single whiskies""Sure" the bartender replies, "do you want them both now or one at a time?""Oh, both now" replies the guy, "one''s for me and one''s for my little friend here" and with that the guy pulls a three inch tall man out of his shirt pocket. The Bartender looked at the little man in amazement and asked, "Can he drink?""Sure" replied the guy and with that the three inch tall man supped back his whiskey."That''s amazing" replied the bartender, "what else can he do? Can he walk?" With that the guy flips a quarter down to the other end of the bar and asks the little fella to get it. Sure enough, he runs down the bar and retrieves the coin, picks it up and jogs back to the guy. "That really is amazing" replied the bartender, "Can he talk?""Of course" says the guy, "Hey Jim, tell him about that time we were in Africa and you called that witch-doctor a w***er Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Horn 0 Posted June 17, 2011 I am constantly getting strange phone calls, its annoying. The guy on the other end keeps singing Prince Charming and Stand & Deliver. I keep telling him to stop calling me but he''s adamant. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Horn 0 Posted June 17, 2011 My wife said she''s leaving me because I can''t think for myself.Couldn''t agree more. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crabbycanary 2 Posted June 17, 2011 I said to my wife, "When I die, I''m going to leave everything to you".She said " You already do" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crabbycanary 2 Posted June 17, 2011 What do you call a Chinese man with one leg?Tai Wan Shu Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
crabbycanary 2 Posted June 17, 2011 Spent an hour at the Wife''s grave this morning.Bless her, she thinks I''m digging a pond. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
CambridgeCanary 0 Posted June 17, 2011 Would the winner of the 400 metre butterfly event please come to the rostrum to collect your unfeasibly large insect. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Congo Canary 0 Posted June 17, 2011 Bristol City v Ipswich Down, tee hee Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TIL 1010 4,656 Posted June 17, 2011 Last night i was awoken by four Ipswich fans outside my window playing football with a hedgehog.I was absolutely disgusted and was about to ring the RSPCA when the hedgehog went 1-0 up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bristolyella 0 Posted June 17, 2011 Latest transfer news.............Valencia has gone to ValenciaDavid Villa has gone to VillaDanny Shittu has gone to 1p5wich.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Horn 0 Posted June 17, 2011 Police raided Kermit''s lily pad last night and found hundreds of pictures of Miss Piggy in the nude. It was the worst case of frog''s porn they''d ever seen. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Fish Seller 0 Posted June 17, 2011 Just been to the gym.They’ve got a new machine in.Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick.It’s great though. It does everything- KitKats, Mars bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites