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Panic

10 things that will probably happen next season

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1. The first match against Wigan (played in barmy temperatures of 30 degrees plus) is a scrappy affair where Norwich concede from a late free kick. We are the last game to be shown on Match of the Day, and Alan Hanson will say our defence isn''t up to it. Again.

2. There will be a total of 32453 shots of Delia in the matches that are shown live on Sky Sports. A commentator will make a terrible cooking related pun as said shot is overlaid, or a reference to the ''tired and emotional'' incident at half-time against Manchester City in 04-05.

3. We will get beaten quite heavily by one of the top six, and Hanson will say our defence isn''t up to it. Again.

4. Someone in front of me in the beer queue at Stamford Bridge will (justifiably) shout "how much?!" after asking how much a pint of Carling will cost.

5. I will be mistaken for a Man Utd fan while wearing my NCFC scarf around London.

6. After putting together a little run and reaching lofty hights of mid-table around Christmas the words ''Blackpool'', ''a'', ''doing'' and ''avoid'' are bounced around the media.

7. After beating one of the top sides, it''ll be because of how rubbish they were, as opposed to how good we were - according to Alan Hanson.

8. We will be patronised (most likely by Alan Hanson).

9. A manager of a lower-mid table team will be sacked and Paul Lambert will be "the bookies'' favorite", despite never actually becoming manger of that team.

10. We will lose to Coventry/Derby/Crystal Palace/Preston NE (delete as appropriate) in the Third Round of the FA Cup.

Anyone think of anymore?

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We will lose to a mid table L1 side in the league cup

 

Holt will fail to score in the first 6 games, Alan Shearer will say he is not up to it at this level

(He will then bag 20 for rest of season)

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Holt will make John Terry look like a little girl but when this is shown on MOTD Alan Hansen will say its because he has things going on in his private life(again)

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Kieran Richardson will have a pie thrown at his face by the Snakepit. Again.

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Cluck will make a comment calling all season ticket holders "Sheep"

 

As soon as we lose more than two more games in a row, someone will say "We''re Dooomed" in a faux-Private Fraser from Dads Army accent

 

As soon as we lose more than 3 games in a row, Smudger will claim that he knows best

 

We''ll end someones losing streak

 

We''ll beat someone that we''re not expected to beat

 

As soon as Holt doesnt score for more than 3 games, fans will say that he cant cut it in the Prem

 

Someone in the Upper Barclay will scream "Forward" every time we pass sideways

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No penalty decisions will be given in our favour, regardless of how "stonewall" the are, against Man Utd, Arsenal, Chelsea, Man City, or Tottenham.

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" We will get beaten quite heavily by one of the top six, and Hanson will say our defence isn''t up to it. Again "

Someone will swap Hansons script and glancing down he will read

" Norwich''s real strength is in their defence "

glancing down again

" And it was a work of genius moving Hoolahan into the centre of defence to partner Wilbraham

Jug ears look into camera, reading the autocue adds

" Delia serves Whitbread best again"

oblivious to the lack of continuity

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Cody McDonald will score and take off his shirt to reveal a t-shirt saying "I love you too, Paul Moy"

 

If we get relegated it will be Delia''s fault.

 

No matter what happens Paul Lambert won''t be to blame.

 

Richie De Laet will be blamed for many things because he is on loan.

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Someone will compose a fresh original and very amusing post about a potential new signing not having been seen using a low mark supermarket.

All readers will wonder at the wisdom of the poster and laugh till we cry at the wicked humour of the quip.

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A premiership striker having a barren run will score at Carrow Road.

Paul Lambert will have sub-titles on at least one MOTD interview.

Bayern Munich will be mentioned every time we play on sky.

Other teams football fans who you work with will really annoy you with their analogy of how Norwich play based on what Alan Hansen said.

Your partner will threaten to leave you if you don''t shut up about the last gasp winner at Old Trafford.

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A re run of previous half time events when we last played Man City

Our most loyal supporter Stephen Fry being interviewed (hopefully nothing pre 2008), probably in some mock rivalry with other celeb ''fans''.

The most embarrassing fan possible to be interviewed outside CR (I''m camera shy)

Any goal scored after 80 mins will be linked to this season

Lambert will be linked to every vacant managers job that comes up in the Premier League

Leeds will cock it up again by the end of the season

Hotel based puns will be rife with numerous camera shots to back the ''joke''

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A re run of previous half time events when we last played Man City

Our most loyal supporter Stephen Fry being interviewed (hopefully nothing pre 2008), probably in some mock rivalry with other celeb ''fans''.

The most embarrassing fan possible to be interviewed outside CR (I''m camera shy)

Any goal scored after 80 mins will be linked to this season

Lambert will be linked to every vacant managers job that comes up in the Premier League

Leeds will cock it up again by the end of the season

Hotel based puns will be rife with numerous camera shots to back the ''joke''

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1. We''ll beat the top six (at Carrow Road)

2. Holt will score 15+

3. Cody plays in the 1st team and has a fantastic season

4. Lambert is linked to every managerial job from the Premiership to League 2!

5. Hanson will be completely biased and criticize us every game

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[quote user="Grant the Cat"]A premiership striker having a barren run will score at Carrow Road. Paul Lambert will have sub-titles on at least one MOTD interview. Bayern Munich will be mentioned every time we play on sky. Other teams football fans who you work with will really annoy you with their analogy of how Norwich play based on what Alan Hansen said. Your partner will threaten to leave you if you don''t shut up about the last gasp winner at Old Trafford.[/quote]

And the subtitles will read:

"The lads have been terrific (or maybe phenomenal), they truly have. I cant ask for any more than them"

And Hoolahan will say "you know" 490 times in post match interviews

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"If we go on a barren run the Pink Un will be over run with Binners "

known as a binfestation

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A player will whinge that refs never give his team decent decisions,but will then get away with a blatant handball in the game against us.Ahem,Mr Carragher.

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Some prima donna centre half (I''ll just throw in a name, completely randomly - John Terry) will moan like hell to the Ref and complain about the audacity of Grant Holt actually trying to compete for the ball, along the lines of ;

"Ref doesn''t he know who I am, no one has ever challenged me like, that''s not how we do things here in the Prem"

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We will have one of those annoying ''ticker-tape/moving advertising boards all around Carrow Road.All Premiership teams had ''em last season, so I expect them to be installed before the start of the season.

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