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The Butler

Friday again!

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When you rearrange the letters:





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When you rearrange the letters:





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When you rearrange the letters:





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When you rearrange the letters:







When you rearrange the letters:


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It''s Friday!!!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0FUN FUN FUN FUN

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An  American fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he

noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane, both with

a machine gunner on board.

Sensing danger he shot them down.

Back at base he got a right telling off – apparently they were Allied Carpets.

..... .. . . . . . . . . . ..

I was driving to work this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up.

The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable.

I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

. . . .. . . . . . . . . ..

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign saying ‘English speaking Doctor’. 

I thought;

“What a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country.”

. . . .. . . . . . . . . ..

The police came to my door last night holding a picture of my wife.

"Is this your wife sir?" said the officer.

"Yes it is" I replied.

"I''m afraid it looks like she''s been in a car accident" said the Officer...

"I know" I said, "but she has a lovely personality!"

. . . . . . . . . . . . ..

Woke up this morning a bit late, about 8:15 ish. Called down to the wife and got no answer.

Got up and went downstairs to the kitchen and there she was,

Face down on the floor.  Dead!

At that moment I completely lost it, my whole world fell apart, tears were welling in my eyes ...............

Then a moment of pure inspiration........

....  McDonalds do Breakfast until 10:30 !!!

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Took a girl home from the pub last night but I ended up falling asleep on the sofa...

Must have drunk her drink by mistake!

. . . .. . . . . . . . .

Last night I got so drunk that when I got to the bottom of the stairs, I took off my shoes, coat, top, trousers and underwear.

Then I crept upstairs very quietly, so as not to wake the kids or my other half.

It was only when I got to the very top I realised I was still on the bus home.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

The government has announced that for the new school curriculum, boys are going to study the workings of the female mind.

The lessons, however, will be changed on an hourly basis!  =

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I don''t think its appropiate to make jokes after this tradegy. I know its hard to feel sorry or sympathy coz their foreigners, but we hae to remember they lost everything in almost an instant. THey''ve been left with nothing...still there''s always next season for Ipswich

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A small boy says to his father "Dad, what''s the difference between
>''theoretically'' and ''realistically''?"
> His dad thinks and then says "Right-ho son, go and ask your mother if
> she''d sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million quid."
> The boy toddles off and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would!
> She would sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds."
> "OK son," says his dad. "Now go and ask your sister the same question."
> The boy toddles off, and comes back saying "Dad, dad, she said she would
> too!"
> So then his dad says "Right, son, now go and ask your brother if he''d
> sleep with Wayne Rooney for a million pounds."
> The son comes back excitedly saying "Dad! Dad! He said he would too!"
> "Well there you have it, son," said his dad.
> "Theoretically we could be sitting on three million quid.

> Realistically we''re living with two tarts and a poof."

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A woman in her thirties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The                                                                                                          surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a
small knob is placed on the back of a woman''s head and can be turned
to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift.
Of course, the woman wanted "The Knob."

Over the course of the years, the woman tightened the knob, and the
effects were wonderful-the woman remained young looking and vibrant.
After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two
problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine.
I''ve had to turn the knob many times and I''ve always loved the
results. But now I''ve developed two annoying problems: First, I have
these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won''t get rid of them."
The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren''t bags, those
are your breasts." She said, "No point asking about the beard then..........!"

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When you have an ''I Hate My Job day''
[Even if you''re retired, you sometimes have those days]
Try this out:
Stop at your pharmacy and go to the
Thermometer section and purchase
A rectal thermometer made by
Johnson & Johnson.
Be very sure you get this brand.
When you get home, lock your
Doors, draw the curtains and
Disconnect the phone so
You will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable
Clothing and sit in your favorite
Chair. Open the package and
Remove the thermometer.
Now, carefully place it on a table
Or a surface so that it will not
Become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins.
Take out the literature from
The box and read it carefully.
You will notice that in small
Print there is this statement:

"Every Rectal Thermometer Made by Johnson & Johnson Is personally tested  And then sanitized."
Now, close your eyes and repeat
Out loud five times,'' I am so glad
I do not work in the thermometer
Quality control department at
Johnson & Johnson.''

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A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy''s
And shyly walked up to
The woman behind the counter and said,
"I''d like to buy a bra for my wife. "
"What type of bra?"
Asked the clerk.

"Type?" inquires the man, "There''s more than one type?"

"Look around,"
Said the saleslady,
As she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color
And material imaginable.

Even with all of this variety,
There are really only
Four types of bras to choose from ."
Relieved, the man asked
About the types.
The saleslady replied:
"There are the Catholic,
The Salvation Army,
The Presbyterian,
And the Baptist types.
Which one would you prefer?"


Now totally befuddled,
The man asked about
The differences between them.
The Saleslady responded,
"It is all really quite simple. 


The Catholic type
Supports the masses;

The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright; and
The Baptist makes mountains out of mole hills."


Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD, E, F, G, and H are the letters used
To define bra sizes?
If you have wondered why,
But couldn''t figure out
What the letters stood for,
It is about time
You became informed!


(A} Almost Boobs...
{B} Barely there...
{C} Can''t Complain!...
{D} Dang!...
{DD} Double dang!......
{E} Enormous!....
{F} Fake...
{G} Get a Reduction...
{H} Help me, I''ve fallen
And I can''t get up!...


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For the Annual Company Picnic, management had decided that we could have alcohol, but due to liability issues, only one drink per person...


I was fired for ordering the cups.

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(_!_) regular arse
(__!__) fat arse
(!) tight arse
(_*_) sore arse
(_o_) well used arse
(_e=mc2_) smart arse
(_x_) kiss my arse ***********************************************************************************************************Kid: Mum, can i wear a mini-skirt today?
Mum: No
Kid: Can i wear lipstick?
Mum: No
Kid: Can i wear high heels?
Mum: No!
Kid: But Mum I''m 17 years old!
Mum: I know Justin, i know***********************************************************************************************************New Durex condom slogan''s:
1. cover your stump before you hump.
2. don''t be a loner, cover your boner
3. if you think she''s spunky cover your monkey
4. don''t be a fool, Cover your tool
5. Wrap your bait before you mate
6. plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
7. package your meat for a real nice treat
8. rap that wanger before you bang her
9. if your nude then tube your dude.
10. Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle***********************************************************************************************************
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian,
“This is the WORST book I''ve ever read!” “It has NO plot and far too many characters!”
The librarian looks up and calmly remarks – “So, you’re the one who took our phone book…”***********************************************************************************************************To vegetarians,
I eat the cows which produce the methane gas causing global warming, you eat the plants trying to fix global warming so who''s really killing the planet?
From a non-vegetarian.***********************************************************************************************************My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30 this morning. can you believe that?! 2:30am!
Luckily for him I was still up playing my drums.***********************************************************************************************************Having sex with an ugly person is like bungee jumping,
you know your gonna enjoy it but don''t want to look down***********************************************************************************************************
Statistically 1 in 20 of us live next door to a pedophile.
Not me though, I live next door to a stunning pair of eight year olds.

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