Friday thank *

[The Butler 0]

BRAINS OF BRITAIN

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE (BBC2)

Jeremy Paxman:

What is another name for ''cherrypickers'' and ''cheesemongers''?

Contestant:

Homosexuals.

Jeremy Paxman:

No. They''re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you

BEG, BORROW OR STEAL (BBC2)

Jamie Theakston:

Where do you think Cambridge University is?

Contestant:

Geography isn''t my strong point.

Jamie Theakston:

There''s a clue in the title.

Contestant:

Leicester

BBC NORFOLK

Stewart White:

Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

I don''t know.

Stewart White:

I''ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?

Contestant:

Arm

Stewart White:

Correct. And if you''re not weak, you''re...?

Contestant:

Strong.

Stewart White:

Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten''s first name?

Contestant:

Louis

Stewart White:

Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?

Contestant:

Frank Sinatra?

LATE SHOW (BBC MIDLANDS)

Alex Trelinski:

What is the capital of Italy ?

Contestant:

France.

Trelinski:

France is another country. Try again.

Contestant:

Oh, um, Benidorm.

Trelinski:

Wrong, sorry, let''s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?

Contestant:

Sorry, I don''t know.

Trelinski:

Just guess a country then.

Contestant:

Paris.

THE WEAKEST LINK (BBC2)

Anne Robinson:

Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: - Prison, or the Conservative Party?

Contestant:

The Conservative Party.

BEACON RADIO ( WOLVERHAMPTON )

DJ Mark:

For 10, what is the nationality of the Pope?

Ruth from Rowley Regis:

I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Bamber Gascoyne:

What was Gandhi''s first name?

Contestant:

Goosey?

GWR FM ( Bristol )

Presenter:

What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?

Contestant:

I don''t know, I wasn''t watching it then.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC RADIO (MANCHESTER)

Phil:

What''s 11 squared?

Contestant:

I don''t know.

Phil:

I''ll give you a clue. It''s two ones with a two in the middle.

Contestant:

Is it five?

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

Which American actor is married to Nicole Kidman?

Contestant:

Forrest Gump.

RICHARD AND JUDY

Richard:

On which street did Sherlock Holmes live?

Contestant:

Er. ... ..

Richard:

He makes bread . . .

Contestant:

Er .. .....

Richard:

He makes cakes . . .

Contestant:

Kipling Street?

LINCS FM PHONE-IN

Presenter:

Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?

Contestant:

Barcelona.

Presenter:

I was really after the name of a country.

Contestant:

I''m sorry, I don''t know the names of any countries in Spain .

NATIONAL LOTTERY (BBC1)

Question:

What is the world''s largest continent?

Contestant:

The Pacific.

ROCK FM (PRESTON)

Presenter:

Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo da Vinci.

Contestant:

Who Framed Roger Rabbit?

THE BIGGEST GAME IN TOWN (ITV)

Steve Le Fevre:

What was signed, to bring World War I to an end in 1918?

Contestant:

Magna Carta?

JAMES O''BRIEN SHOW (LBC)

James O''Brien:

How many kings of England have been called Henry?

Contestant:

Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth ... ER. ER ... Three?

CHRIS SEARLE SHOW (BBC RADIO BRISTOL)

Chris Searle:

In which European country is Mount Etna?

Caller:

Japan.

Chris Searle:

I did say which European country, so in case you didn''t hear that, I can let you try again.

Caller:

Er ........ Mexico ?

PAUL WAPPAT (BBC RADIO NEWCASTLE)

Paul Wappat:

How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?

Contestant (long pause):

Fourteen days.

DARYL DENHAM''S DRIVETIME (VIRGIN RADIO)

Daryl Denham:

In which country would you spend shekels?

Contestant:

Holland?

Daryl Denham:

Try the next letter of the alphabet.

Contestant:

Iceland? Ireland ?

Daryl Denham: (helpfully)

It''s a bad line. Did you say Israel ?

Contestant:

No.

PHIL WOOD SHOW (BBC GMR)

Phil Wood:

What ''K'' could be described as the Islamic Bible?

Contestant:

Er... .... ..

Phil Wood:

It''s got two syllables . . . Kor . .

Contestant:

Blimey?

Phil Wood:

Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .

Contestant:

(Silence)

Phil Wood:

OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .

Contestant:

Walked?

THE VAULT

Melanie Sykes:

What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?

Contestant:

Nostalgia.

LUNCHTIME SHOW (BRMB)

Presenter:

What religion was Guy Fawkes?

Contestant:

Jewish.

Presenter:

That''s close enough.

STEVE WRIGHT IN THE AFTERNOON (BBC RADIO 2)

Wright:

Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loin cloth did he play?

Contestant:

Jesus.

[First Wazzock 902]

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Wild West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I''m looking for the man who shot my paw."

[First Wazzock 902]

A young couple wanted to join the church, the priest told them, ''We have a special requirement for new member couples. You must abstain from sex for one whole month.''

The couple agreed, but after two-and-a-half weeks returned to the Church. When the priest ushered them into his office, the wife was crying and the husband was obviously very depressed.

''You are back so soon...Is there a problem?'' the priest inquired.

''We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month.'' The young man replied sadly

The priest asked him what happened.

''Well, the first week was difficult... However, we managed to abstain through sheer willpower. The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain. However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, Prayer, reading from the Bible....anything to keep our minds off Carnal Thoughts.

One afternoon my wife reached for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and I just had my way with her right then and there. It was lustful, loud, passionate sex. It lasted for over an hour and when we were done we were both drenched in sweat,'' admitted the man, shamefacedly.

The priest lowered his head and said sternly, ''You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church.''

''We know.'' said the young man, hanging his head, ''We''re not welcome at Homebase, either.'' 

[First Wazzock 902]

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational

once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.

 
Here are the winners:

 
1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders
the  subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

 
2. Ignoranus:  A person who''s both stupid and an asshole.

 
3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you  realize it was your money to start with.

 
4. Reintarnation:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

 
5. Bozone ( n.):  The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

(The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.)

 
6. Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

 
7. Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

 
8. Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn''t get it.

 
9. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

 
10. Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

 
11. Karmageddon:  It''s like, when everybody is sending off
all these  really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it''s like, a serious bummer.

 
12. Decafalon (n.):  The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

 
13. Glibido:  All talk and no action.

 
14. Dopeler Effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

 
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.):  The frantic dance
performed just after you''ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

 
16. Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

 
17. Caterpallor ( n.):   The color you turn
after finding half a worm in the fruit you''re eating.

[First Wazzock 902]

Sitting in a bar in Sydney the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is,
I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow , there''s a wee place called McTavish''s.
The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy
three drinks, the fourth drink is on the house."

"Well, Jock," said the Englishman, "At my local in London , the Red Lion,
the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat''s nothin''," said the Irishman, "back home in my favorite pub,
the moment you set foot in the place, they''ll buy you a drink, then another,
all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you''ve had enough drinks,
they''ll take you upstairs and see that you gets laid, all on the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman were suspicious of the claims. The Irishman
swore every word was true. Then the Englishman asked, "Did this actually
happen to you?"

"Not me meself, personally, no," admitted the Irishman, "but it did happen
to me sister quite a few times."

[First Wazzock 902]

A woman went to a WalMart service counter and told the clerk she wanted a refund for the toaster she bought because it won''t work.

 The clerk told her that he can''t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman threw her arms up in the air and started screaming,

''PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!''
The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager in front of a growing crowd of customers.
The manager comes to the woman and asks,''Ma''am what''s wrong?''
She explains the problem with the toaster, and he also tells her that he can''t give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air and screams,

''PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!''
which begins to draw an even bigger crowd!
In shock, the store manager pleads, ''Ma''am, why are you saying that?'' ! ;

In a huff, the woman says,

''BECAUSE, I LIKE TO HAVE MY NIPPLES PINCHED WHEN I''M BEING SCREWED !!''
The crowd broke into applause and her money was quickly refunded!!

[First Wazzock 902]

If you ever feel a little bit stupid, just dig this up and read it again; you''ll begin to think you''re a genius..
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

(On September 17, 1994, Alabama''s Heather Whitestone was selected as Miss America 1995.)
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss  USA  contest.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can''t help but cry. I mean I''d love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff."
--Mariah Carey
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Smoking kills. If you''re killed, you''ve lost a very important part of your life,"
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I''ve never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett,  University  of  Kentucky basketball forward.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Outside of the killings,  Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry,  Washington  ,  DC  . ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I''m just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in  Texas  .
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"It isn''t pollution that''s harming the environment. It''s the impurities in our air and water that are doing it.."
--Al Gore, Vice President
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"I love  California  . I practically grew up in  Phoenix  ."
-- Dan Quayle
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We''ve got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"The word "genius" isn''t applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
--Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"We don''t necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
-- Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instructor.
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville , South Carolina
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
"Traditionally, most of Australia''s imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery
,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there''ll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

[First Wazzock 902]

US military humour...

 

On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the
middle.

One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is
it?"

The tower responded, "Who is calling?"

The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"

The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference... If it is a
commercial flight,

it is 3 o''clock .

If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.

If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.

If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand
is on the 3.

If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it''s Thursday

afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."

 ________________________________

During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy
back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel
at the wheel.

"Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys.
"Yours is."

_____________________________

Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was
sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door.

Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone,
told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I''ll
be seeing him this afternoon and I''ll pass along your message. In the
meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir."

Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man,
he asked, "What do you want?"

"Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I''m just here to hook up
your telephone."
 ________________________________

Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That''s no way to address an officer! Now let''s try it again!"
         "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"

 ________________________________

Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He''ll tell you.

Q: What''s the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn''t think he''s a fighter pilot.

Q: What''s the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.

 ________________________________

An Air Force Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the

barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when

the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.

The General shouted, "Hey, don''t put that stuff on me! My wife will
think I''ve

been in a whorehouse!"

The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My
wife

doesn''t know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
 ________________________________

"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I
suppose

after you get discharged from the Navy, you''ll just be waiting for me to
die so

you can come and pee on my grave."

"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I''m
never going to stand in line again!"

[First Wazzock 902]

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?
 

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can''t tell you because you''re not a monk.

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.
 

The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car..

 

That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.

The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,

We can''t tell you because you''re not a monk.

 

The man says, all right, all right. I''m dying to know.

If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?

The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have travelled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.

 

The monks reply, "Congratulations, you are correct, and you are now considered a monk.
We shall now show you the way to the sound."
 

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.

 

The man reach for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks "May I have the key?" 
 

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

 

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone... The man requests the key to the stone door.

The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went on until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...

 

...silver, topaz, and amethyst.

 Finally, the monks say, This is the key to the last door.

The man is relieved to be at the end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.

 

 

 

 

... But I can''t tell you what it is because you''re not a monk.

 

 
DON''T SWEAR AT ME;
I''M STILL HUNTING FOR THE IDIOT WHO STARTED THIS !

[Gingerpele 0]

I love this thread :D

[Lord Horn 0]

Gary Glitter has expressed an interest in the Manager''s job at Villa Park.  He''s found out that they have potential strikers who are Young, Bent and Keane.

[Woman in the Stands (WITS) 0]

Over

in the U.K., a very pretty young speech

therapistwas

getting nowhere with her “Stammerers Action

Group”.She had

tried every technique in the bookwithout the

slightest success. No-one was

improving. Finally,

thoroughly exasperated, she

said"If any of

you can tell me, without

stuttering,the name

of the town where you were

bornI will

have wild and passionate sex withyou until

your muscles ache and your eyes

water.So, who

wants to go first?"The Englishman piped

up."B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham.""That''s

no use, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "Who''s

next?"The Scotsman raised his hand and

blurted

out"P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".“That''s

no better.There''ll be no sex for you, I''m

afraid, Hamish.”“How about you,

Paddy?”The Irishman took a deep breath and

eventually blurted

out"London."“Brilliant, Paddy!” said

the speech therapist and immediately set about

living up to her promise.After 15 minutes

of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for

breath and Paddy

said

"-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry".

[Woman in the Stands (WITS) 0]

Paddy

was waiting at the bus stop with his mate when a lorry went by loaded

up with rolls of turf. Paddy said, ''I gonna do that when I win lottery''

 

''What''s dat? says his mate.

 

''Send me lawn away to be cut''.

[YankeeCanary 0]

[quote user="First Wazzock"]

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational

once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders
the  subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:  A person who''s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you  realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.):  The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

(The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.)

6. Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn''t get it.

9. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon:  It''s like, when everybody is sending off
all these  really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it''s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.):  The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido:  All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.):  The frantic dance
performed just after you''ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.):   The color you turn
after finding half a worm in the fruit you''re eating.

[/quote]

Question:

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

18. Surely The Butler would have received the Mensa winning diploma from the Washington Post. He is able to effortlessly satisfy the challenge in almost every post on a single forum.   [:D]

 

 

[The Butler 0]

[quote user="YankeeCanary"][quote user="First Wazzock"]

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational

once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders
the  subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:  A person who''s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you  realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.):  The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

(The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.)

6. Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn''t get it.

9. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon:  It''s like, when everybody is sending off
all these  really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it''s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.):  The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido:  All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.):  The frantic dance
performed just after you''ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.):   The color you turn
after finding half a worm in the fruit you''re eating.

[/quote]

Question:

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

18. Surely The Butler would have received the Mensa winning diploma from the Washington Post. He is able to effortlessly satisfy the challenge in almost every post on a single forum.   [:D]

 

 

[/quote]

He he he he The same joke gets better the 1000th time. Must be the Yankee way of telling it.

 

 

 

 

[First Wazzock 902]

[quote user="YankeeCanary"][quote user="First Wazzock"]

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational

once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter,
and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.):  The act of buying a house, which renders
the  subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus:  A person who''s both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton:  Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you  realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation:  Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.):  The substance surrounding stupid people
that stops bright ideas from penetrating.

(The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future.)

6. Foreploy:  Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti:  Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm:  The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit
and the person who doesn''t get it.

9. Inoculatte:  To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis:  A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon:  It''s like, when everybody is sending off
all these  really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it''s like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.):  The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido:  All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect:  The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter
when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.):  The frantic dance
performed just after you''ve accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.):  Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.):   The color you turn
after finding half a worm in the fruit you''re eating.

[/quote]

Question:

The Washington Post''s Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary,
alter it by adding,  subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

18. Surely The Butler would have received the Mensa winning diploma from the Washington Post. He is able to effortlessly satisfy the challenge in almost every post on a single forum.   [:D]

 

 

[/quote]

Cheap shot.

This is not the thread for your petty squabble. Nor I doubt is any other.

[YankeeCanary 0]

Who''s being petty and who''s squabbling? I''m certainly not? Learn to laugh at yourself sunshine.....the Brits used to be good at that. You don''t seem to be squeamish about having a good old poke at Americans because you consider it funny. Reminds me of the shots Ricky Gervais was taking at the Golden Globe awards. I didn''t have a problem with that. Later, Ricky went on the new Piers Morgan American talk show. You then had one Brit defending his action and the other Brit explaining to him ( for the benefit of us ignorant Americans who presumably couldn''t figure it out for ourselves ) that he had knowledge of the American culture so perhaps it should have been handled more appropriately. Two Brits explaining to us dumb yankees in our own backyard what''s what. Now, in my house and, I suspect in a few million others, everyone broke into laughter. You see Wazzock, humour is not the same for everyone.

Now, of course, I could have the whole thing wrong and have failed to grasp that, somewhere in the corner of your mind, you feel you have some proprietary rights on this thread so can freely monitor what you deem is appropriate. Is that it?