The Norwich City Supporter's Charter

[Evil Monkey 52]

In order to ensure that the standard of fan attending games at Carrow Road remains high, David McNally has this morning announced that everyone purchasing either a season or casual ticket must first sign up to a Supporter''s Charter, detailing how they will be expected to behave in and around the ground."We''ve really begun to see a decline in standards in recent games," McNally growled.  "Only this morning I had an email from my friend Andy Whyte who has told me of the shocking behaviour he''s been subjected to at Carrow Road, and its time we make a stand and tighten things up.  As such I''ve drawn up a list of rules that all fans must now sign before coming to a game."Some of the key points made in the Charter are as follows:1) All fans must ensure that they arrive at the ground promptly and must be seated before 3pm.  Similarly, all fans must ensure that they remain seated for the entire 45 minutes of each half, and not attempt to leave for either half time or full time early.  Any fans attempting to do so will be ejected and made to stand outside the ground until Andy Whyte exits and will be forced to carry his shopping home for him.2) Any fans bringing children under the age of 18 with them must ensure that said children sing and shout for the duration of the game, and must under no circumstances ingest any more than a bottle of coke and a sausage roll.  All electronic devices must be handed in at the turnstile, where the children may also be asked for proof of swearing ability.3) Anthony McNamee is a football God.  He doesn''t track back or defend because he doesn''t have to, because he''s so, like, skillful and sh*t.  Any intended criticism of said player must be directed to Smudger 24 hours in advance in order to obtain permission.  Should said permission be denied, the fan must instead direct any criticism at either Simon Lappin or Michael Nelson, regardless of form or selection.4) Female fans wishing to attend a game must ensure that they remain silent for the duration of the game (except when spoken to by a male supporter).  If it is deemed necessary that the female fan should express an opinion they must first ensure that they are willing to flirt with all male members of the surrounding area, else their opinions will be deemed invalid and they will be verbally abused and asked to leave.5) All fans wishing to attend a game will be required to first attend a 6 week football school, where they will be trained to a coaching and playing level befitting the ''armchair fan''.  If prior experience can be proven - such as an extended stint in a 5-a-side team, or a number of Sunday mornings trudging their bloated ass up and down a local bog - then the fan will be given priority for moaning and complaining.  Where debates are taking place, then such fans will also be given a certificate to display, reading: "I''ve played football at a decent level, so I know more than you".  Any other fans not in posession of such a certificate will be expected to bow out gracefully and go and stand in the River End for the remainder of the game (but only once given permission by Andy Whyte).  This particularly applies to discussions on formation and tactics, and it is expected that Paul Lambert will be asked to listen to or read such debates in order to better understand the game.So there you are, some of the main points from the Norwich City Supporter''s Charter.  I trust that everyone will follow these rules from now on in order to ensure that a certain number of fans stop having such a miserable time at Carrow Road and can get on with enjoying themselves (and can continue to bring their shopping with them).What do people think of these radical new plans? Do they go far enough?

[Beauseant 0]

Feeling better now mate?

Very funny and dangerously accurate (although you''re wrong about Macca [;)])

[city-till-i-die 7]

[quote user="Evil Monkey"]In order to ensure that the standard of fan attending games at Carrow Road remains high, David McNally has this morning announced that everyone purchasing either a season or casual ticket must first sign up to a Supporter''s Charter, detailing how they will be expected to behave in and around the ground.

"We''ve really begun to see a decline in standards in recent games," McNally growled.  "Only this morning I had an email from my friend Andy Whyte who has told me of the shocking behaviour he''s been subjected to at Carrow Road, and its time we make a stand and tighten things up.  As such I''ve drawn up a list of rules that all fans must now sign before coming to a game."

Some of the key points made in the Charter are as follows:

1) All fans must ensure that they arrive at the ground promptly and must be seated before 3pm.  Similarly, all fans must ensure that they remain seated for the entire 45 minutes of each half, and not attempt to leave for either half time or full time early.  Any fans attempting to do so will be ejected and made to stand outside the ground until Andy Whyte exits and will be forced to carry his shopping home for him.

2) Any fans bringing children under the age of 18 with them must ensure that said children sing and shout for the duration of the game, and must under no circumstances ingest any more than a bottle of coke and a sausage roll.  All electronic devices must be handed in at the turnstile, where the children may also be asked for proof of swearing ability.

3) Anthony McNamee is a football God.  He doesn''t track back or defend because he doesn''t have to, because he''s so, like, skillful and sh*t.  Any intended criticism of said player must be directed to Smudger 24 hours in advance in order to obtain permission.  Should said permission be denied, the fan must instead direct any criticism at either Simon Lappin or Michael Nelson, regardless of form or selection.

4) Female fans wishing to attend a game must ensure that they remain silent for the duration of the game (except when spoken to by a male supporter).  If it is deemed necessary that the female fan should express an opinion they must first ensure that they are willing to flirt with all male members of the surrounding area, else their opinions will be deemed invalid and they will be verbally abused and asked to leave.

5) All fans wishing to attend a game will be required to first attend a 6 week football school, where they will be trained to a coaching and playing level befitting the ''armchair fan''.  If prior experience can be proven - such as an extended stint in a 5-a-side team, or a number of Sunday mornings trudging their bloated ass up and down a local bog - then the fan will be given priority for moaning and complaining.  Where debates are taking place, then such fans will also be given a certificate to display, reading: "I''ve played football at a decent level, so I know more than you".  Any other fans not in posession of such a certificate will be expected to bow out gracefully and go and stand in the River End for the remainder of the game (but only once given permission by Andy Whyte).  This particularly applies to discussions on formation and tactics, and it is expected that Paul Lambert will be asked to listen to or read such debates in order to better understand the game.

So there you are, some of the main points from the Norwich City Supporter''s Charter.  I trust that everyone will follow these rules from now on in order to ensure that a certain number of fans stop having such a miserable time at Carrow Road and can get on with enjoying themselves (and can continue to bring their shopping with them).

What do people think of these radical new plans? Do they go far enough?
[/quote]NOT EVEN CLOSE!!!! [;)]

[Graham Humphrey 13]

Very very good!

[Queen B 0]

[quote user="Evil Monkey"]4) Female fans wishing to attend a game must ensure that they remain silent for the duration of the game (except when spoken to by a male supporter).  If it is deemed necessary that the female fan should express an opinion they must first ensure that they are willing to flirt with all male members of the surrounding area, else their opinions will be deemed invalid and they will be verbally abused and asked to leave.[/quote]Female fans are allowed to attend the games?!?

[Evil Monkey 52]

[quote user="Queen B"]Female fans are allowed to attend the games?!?[/quote]Yes, Queen B, but only if they''re fit...

[Queen B 0]

[quote user="Evil Monkey"][quote user="Queen B"]Female fans are allowed to attend the games?!?[/quote]Yes, Queen B, but only if they''re fit...[/quote]oh, of course...

[morty 0]

Very good.[:D]

[AndyCanary 0]

TL;DR

[hogesar 9,618]

Quite liking number 3 & 4 [:D]

[Sideshow Tim 110]

Nice one Evil Monkey - top post!!! (especially the part about McNamee!!!!! ;-0)

[Evil Monkey 52]

[quote user="AndyCanary"]TL;DR[/quote]Given your sulky reaction, I''m guessing you did read... all good banter, try not to take it so personally... [Y]

[ca 1]

Never mind being an Evil Monkey you''re more like a naughty monkey.

Female fans have to remain silent throughout the game would be impossible for me!!

Top post to make us all smile [:)]

[GenerationA47 750]

NTL;DR - D is for "did"

I''d like to draw the Monkey''s attention to a recently proposed point for the charter:

(6) no wearing of recent Norwich City football shirts as a Norwich City football fan at a Norwich City football match, unless you are under 21 (if you look older, you may get checked out by 40-year-old Spencer and asked to prove your age - don''t be offended, be flattered!).

[AndyCanary 0]

[quote user="Evil Monkey"][quote user="AndyCanary"]TL;DR[/quote]Given your sulky reaction, I''m guessing you did read... all good banter, try not to take it so personally... [Y][/quote]I didn''t actually, but I just did then.To be fair although I know it''s said in jest I do actually agree with some of that!

[Evil Monkey 52]

[quote user="AndyCanary"]To be fair although I know it''s said in jest I do actually agree with some of that! [/quote]Especially the bit about people carrying your shopping, one would imagine... [;)]Point noted and accepted regarding proposal for Item 6 GenA47, saw that earlier and thought to myself ''damn, wish I''d seen that earlier''...

[Smudger 0]

[quote user="Evil Monkey"]In order to ensure that the standard of fan attending games at Carrow Road remains high, David McNally has this morning announced that everyone purchasing either a season or casual ticket must first sign up to a Supporter''s Charter, detailing how they will be expected to behave in and around the ground."We''ve really begun to see a decline in standards in recent games," McNally growled.  "Only this morning I had an email from my friend Andy Whyte who has told me of the shocking behaviour he''s been subjected to at Carrow Road, and its time we make a stand and tighten things up.  As such I''ve drawn up a list of rules that all fans must now sign before coming to a game."Some of the key points made in the Charter are as follows:1) All fans must ensure that they arrive at the ground promptly and must be seated before 3pm.  Similarly, all fans must ensure that they remain seated for the entire 45 minutes of each half, and not attempt to leave for either half time or full time early.  Any fans attempting to do so will be ejected and made to stand outside the ground until Andy Whyte exits and will be forced to carry his shopping home for him.2) Any fans bringing children under the age of 18 with them must ensure that said children sing and shout for the duration of the game, and must under no circumstances ingest any more than a bottle of coke and a sausage roll.  All electronic devices must be handed in at the turnstile, where the children may also be asked for proof of swearing ability.3) Anthony McNamee is a football God.  He doesn''t track back or defend because he doesn''t have to, because he''s so, like, skillful and sh*t.  Any intended criticism of said player must be directed to Smudger 24 hours in advance in order to obtain permission.  Should said permission be denied, the fan must instead direct any criticism at either Simon Lappin or Michael Nelson, regardless of form or selection.4) Female fans wishing to attend a game must ensure that they remain silent for the duration of the game (except when spoken to by a male supporter).  If it is deemed necessary that the female fan should express an opinion they must first ensure that they are willing to flirt with all male members of the surrounding area, else their opinions will be deemed invalid and they will be verbally abused and asked to leave.5) All fans wishing to attend a game will be required to first attend a 6 week football school, where they will be trained to a coaching and playing level befitting the ''armchair fan''.  If prior experience can be proven - such as an extended stint in a 5-a-side team, or a number of Sunday mornings trudging their bloated ass up and down a local bog - then the fan will be given priority for moaning and complaining.  Where debates are taking place, then such fans will also be given a certificate to display, reading: "I''ve played football at a decent level, so I know more than you".  Any other fans not in posession of such a certificate will be expected to bow out gracefully and go and stand in the River End for the remainder of the game (but only once given permission by Andy Whyte).  This particularly applies to discussions on formation and tactics, and it is expected that Paul Lambert will be asked to listen to or read such debates in order to better understand the game.So there you are, some of the main points from the Norwich City Supporter''s Charter.  I trust that everyone will follow these rules from now on in order to ensure that a certain number of fans stop having such a miserable time at Carrow Road and can get on with enjoying themselves (and can continue to bring their shopping with them).What do people think of these radical new plans? Do they go far enough?[/quote]Do they expect to keep getting my pearls of wisdom for FREE?  [:|]

[nutty nigel 7,513]

It should be noted that this charter is for a successful season. I would imagine it''s subject to change if we struggle in the Champs next year.

 

[BlyBlyBabes 0]

3) Anthony McNamee is a football God.  He doesn''t track back or defend because he doesn''t have to, because he''s so, like, skillful and sh*t.  Any intended criticism of said player must be directed to Smudger 24 hours in advance in order to obtain permission.  Should said permission be denied, the fan must instead direct any criticism at either Simon Lappin or Michael Nelson, regardless of form or selection.

We had one of them types before didn''t we? Name of Hucker.... something - if memory serves me right.

[;)] [;)]

OTBC

P.S. Remember! It''s always safer when posting on this forum to use a winker (or two), Aunty nigel, 2010 

 

[yellow hammer 0]

That bit about female fans flirting with male members could be a bit distracting.

[Tangible Fixed Assets anyone? 0]

6) All co owners (shareholders) of the business (Norwich City FC Plc.) will be allowed onto the pitch and have the option of yelling at the fans. However to avail yourself of this you must drink a few glasses of sherry first.

[Webbo118 0]

[quote user="Smudger"][quote user="Evil Monkey"]In order to ensure that the standard of fan attending games at Carrow Road remains high, David McNally has this morning announced that everyone purchasing either a season or casual ticket must first sign up to a Supporter''s Charter, detailing how they will be expected to behave in and around the ground.

"We''ve really begun to see a decline in standards in recent games," McNally growled.  "Only this morning I had an email from my friend Andy Whyte who has told me of the shocking behaviour he''s been subjected to at Carrow Road, and its time we make a stand and tighten things up.  As such I''ve drawn up a list of rules that all fans must now sign before coming to a game."

Some of the key points made in the Charter are as follows:

1) All fans must ensure that they arrive at the ground promptly and must be seated before 3pm.  Similarly, all fans must ensure that they remain seated for the entire 45 minutes of each half, and not attempt to leave for either half time or full time early.  Any fans attempting to do so will be ejected and made to stand outside the ground until Andy Whyte exits and will be forced to carry his shopping home for him.

2) Any fans bringing children under the age of 18 with them must ensure that said children sing and shout for the duration of the game, and must under no circumstances ingest any more than a bottle of coke and a sausage roll.  All electronic devices must be handed in at the turnstile, where the children may also be asked for proof of swearing ability.

3) Anthony McNamee is a football God.  He doesn''t track back or defend because he doesn''t have to, because he''s so, like, skillful and sh*t.  Any intended criticism of said player must be directed to Smudger 24 hours in advance in order to obtain permission.  Should said permission be denied, the fan must instead direct any criticism at either Simon Lappin or Michael Nelson, regardless of form or selection.

4) Female fans wishing to attend a game must ensure that they remain silent for the duration of the game (except when spoken to by a male supporter).  If it is deemed necessary that the female fan should express an opinion they must first ensure that they are willing to flirt with all male members of the surrounding area, else their opinions will be deemed invalid and they will be verbally abused and asked to leave.

5) All fans wishing to attend a game will be required to first attend a 6 week football school, where they will be trained to a coaching and playing level befitting the ''armchair fan''.  If prior experience can be proven - such as an extended stint in a 5-a-side team, or a number of Sunday mornings trudging their bloated ass up and down a local bog - then the fan will be given priority for moaning and complaining.  Where debates are taking place, then such fans will also be given a certificate to display, reading: "I''ve played football at a decent level, so I know more than you".  Any other fans not in posession of such a certificate will be expected to bow out gracefully and go and stand in the River End for the remainder of the game (but only once given permission by Andy Whyte).  This particularly applies to discussions on formation and tactics, and it is expected that Paul Lambert will be asked to listen to or read such debates in order to better understand the game.

So there you are, some of the main points from the Norwich City Supporter''s Charter.  I trust that everyone will follow these rules from now on in order to ensure that a certain number of fans stop having such a miserable time at Carrow Road and can get on with enjoying themselves (and can continue to bring their shopping with them).

What do people think of these radical new plans? Do they go far enough?
[/quote]

Do they expect to keep getting my pearls of wisdom for FREE?  [:|]
[/quote]

No, I think in future you''re probably going to have to pay 

[Woman in the Stands (WITS) 0]

[quote user="yellow hammer"]That bit about female fans flirting with male members could be a bit distracting.[/quote]At least he didn''t stipulate topless [;)]Won''t be able to ever keep quiet when City are playing and I''m not apologising either

[stevieste 0]

I think rule 4 is a bit harsh, how are the pies and beer going to be ordered if they (the lovely female fans) can''t talk, i suppose a sub clause of "unless in "front of a till" [;)]