Wings of a Sparrow 1,385 Posted February 12, 2010 A dog jumps into the river and starts to struggle.A passing German jumps in to the river, grabs the lifeless dog and swims back to shore, where he begins to give the dog mouth to mouth. After the dog is revived, the happy dog owner asks him "Vet?" to which the German replies "Jah!, I am fu**ing soaking." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WeAreYellows49 0 Posted February 12, 2010 More money is now spent on Viagra and Boob Jobs than on Alzeimer''s Reserch. So by 2011 the elderly will have perky tits and stiff cocks, but no feckin idea why [:S] A guy walks into a clinic to get a blood test done. The nurse goes about taking the blood sample from his finger after finishing she looks around for a piece of cotton to wipe away the excess blood. She can''t find it so she looks innocently at the guy and takes his finger and sucks it. The guy is so pleased he asks, "Do you think I could have a urine test done?" A young widow goes to doc''s for an internal Dr says you are still a virgin, but you have been married & widowed 3 times. How''s that?Woman says well my 1st husband was an Astronomer and all he did was "look at it" the 2nd was a Psychologist all he did was "talk to it" the 3rd husband was a Stamp collector and God I miss him Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WeAreYellows49 0 Posted February 12, 2010 [quote user="Wings of a sparrow"]A dog jumps into the river and starts to struggle.A passing German jumps in to the river, grabs the lifeless dog and swims back to shore, where he begins to give the dog mouth to mouth. After the dog is revived, the happy dog owner asks him "Vet?" to which the German replies "Jah!, I am fu**ing soaking." [/quote] Hahahaha classic Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rudolph Hucker 0 Posted February 12, 2010 Just told Mrs. H that one WAY and she reminded me we haven''t done it philately! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morty 0 Posted February 12, 2010 Im Getting Old...Just Last Week I Noticed I Had A Grey Pubic Hair...But You Know What...I Okay With That...I Didnt Freak Out .......Like The Other People In The Elevator. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morty 0 Posted February 12, 2010 Had a bit of a dilemma earlier on whilst deciding what to eat. Bag of skittles or bag of chocolate buttons?Then I remembered, I''m American so I sprinkled both on a steak. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,385 Posted February 12, 2010 An Alsatian went to a telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog: "There are only nine words here. You could send another ''Woof'' for the same price.""But," the dog replied, "that would make no sense at all." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WeAreYellows49 0 Posted February 12, 2010 [quote user="RUDOLPH HUCKER"]Just told Mrs. H that one WAY and she reminded me we haven''t done it philately![/quote] lol hun there''s an answer there somewhere [:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yobocop 1,083 Posted February 12, 2010 Not every flower can save love. But a rose can. Not every plant survives thirst. But a cactus can. Not every vegetable can read. But look at your trying to have a go! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Yobocop 1,083 Posted February 12, 2010 I''m calling round later, don''t worry I''m not stopping - I''m in the toyota. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,385 Posted February 12, 2010 Apologies in advance............My wife ansered the phone and some pervert on the other end says"have you got a really big hot sweaty c... ?"Yes she replies he`s on the computer,do you want to speak to him ? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morty 0 Posted February 12, 2010 I was masturbating to sexerama late last night when the missus walked in. With my split-second reactions I only had time to change the channelSo there I was... with my cock out... watching Green Mile Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morty 0 Posted February 12, 2010 I was in the back of my mum and dads car while they were driving down the motorway.I had needed a shit for the last half an hour & when I say ''touching cloth'' I mean it.I said "Mum you are going to have to stop, I''m busting for a shit".She replied "I can''t just stop anywhere, you are going to have to hold it".30 Seconds later I said "How long have I got to hold it for?"She replied "Until we get to the services".< [...]Reveal the rest of this jokeI was in the back of my mum and dads car while they were driving down the motorway.I had needed a shit for the last half an hour & when I say ''touching cloth'' I mean it.I said "Mum you are going to have to stop, I''m busting for a shit".She replied "I can''t just stop anywhere, you are going to have to hold it".30 Seconds later I said "How long have I got to hold it for?"She replied "Until we get to the services".I said "Can I not just chuck it out of the window?"I got the feeling last night that someone was watching me wanking.It might have been the bus driver. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
morty 0 Posted February 12, 2010 Hmmm, that could have gone better. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,385 Posted February 12, 2010 I''ve sent shockwaves through the cosmetics industry by inventing a strong, aggressive polish remover.I''ve named it Hitler. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rudolph Hucker 0 Posted February 12, 2010 Two nuns walking through Pottergate were flashed at by a man wearing a dirty mac.One had a stroke but the other kept her hands to herself! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,385 Posted February 12, 2010 My mate''s wife left him at the weekend. She said she was going out for a pint of milk and hasn''t been seen since.I asked him how he was coping. "Not bad", he said, "I''ve been using that powdered stuff". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Wings of a Sparrow 1,385 Posted February 12, 2010 Found out last night that my granny made a porno back in the 70''s.I don''t know what disgusted me more, the fact that she made it or the fact that I carried on w*****g after recognised her. (That''s enough Sickipedia for one night) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
WeAreYellows49 0 Posted February 13, 2010 An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of asudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells:"Super Pussy!"The old man says: "I''ll have the soup." [:S] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sam-NCFC 0 Posted February 13, 2010 [quote user="The Butler"]Not a joke this week but amusement for a dull day!http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/sleep/sheep/reaction_version5.swf Worked for me, if it doesn''t for you someone relink please[:)][/quote]That was cool. I got 0.223 reaction time on all 5 sheep lol. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites