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The Three Silly Billy That Post Stuff

Once there were three Silly Billys that were wont to Post Stuff: Big Smudge Silly Billy, Medium-sized Wiz Silly Billy and Little Generic Silly Billy. All three of them lived in a green  field called the Championship where they ate grass (which they didn''t like much) and belched out out a load of old gas that everybody else had to put up with. One day they had to move from their field to another rather more muddly field called Division One and to get there they had to cross the rickety rackety bridge.

The first to cross was Big Smudge Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across a big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Big Smudge Silly Billy said "Yes it''s good isn''t it, I always said this would happen," and crossed to the other side of the bridge where he proceeded to shut up a bit.

The next to cross was Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy said "It''s Worthington''s fault, Grant''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Grant''s fault, Duffy''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Duffy''s fault, Roeder''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Roeder''s fault, Gunn''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Gunn''s fault." The troll was bit bemused and ignored him as Medium Sized Wiz Silly Billy got to the other side, muttering "Lambert is God, Lambert is God."

The last to cross was Little Generic Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Little Generic Silly Billy said "Yes, its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff." And then he got to the other side and even though the field was a bit muddy, the sun came out and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then a little cloud blocked out the sun and Little Generic Silly Billy said "Its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then the sun came out again and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself.

And then the all powerful, all knowing Mod got bored with them all and deleted them.

The End

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[quote user="dpit"]

The Three Silly Billy That Post Stuff

Once there were three Silly Billys that were wont to Post Stuff: Big Smudge Silly Billy, Medium-sized Wiz Silly Billy and Little Generic Silly Billy. All three of them lived in a green  field called the Championship where they ate grass (which they didn''t like much) and belched out out a load of old gas that everybody else had to put up with. One day they had to move from their field to another rather more muddly field called Division One and to get there they had to cross the rickety rackety bridge.

The first to cross was Big Smudge Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across a big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Big Smudge Silly Billy said "Yes it''s good isn''t it, I always said this would happen," and crossed to the other side of the bridge where he proceeded to shut up a bit.

The next to cross was Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy said "It''s Worthington''s fault, Grant''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Grant''s fault, Duffy''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Duffy''s fault, Roeder''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Roeder''s fault, Gunn''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Gunn''s fault." The troll was bit bemused and ignored him as Medium Sized Wiz Silly Billy got to the other side, muttering "Lambert is God, Lambert is God."

The last to cross was Little Generic Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Little Generic Silly Billy said "Yes, its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff." And then he got to the other side and even though the field was a bit muddy, the sun came out and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then a little cloud blocked out the sun and Little Generic Silly Billy said "Its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then the sun came out again and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself.

And then the all powerful, all knowing Mod got bored with them all and deleted them.

The End

[/quote]

Bravo

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[quote user="dpit"]

The Three Silly Billy That Post Stuff

Once there were three Silly Billys that were wont to Post Stuff: Big Smudge Silly Billy, Medium-sized Wiz Silly Billy and Little Generic Silly Billy. All three of them lived in a green  field called the Championship where they ate grass (which they didn''t like much) and belched out out a load of old gas that everybody else had to put up with. One day they had to move from their field to another rather more muddly field called Division One and to get there they had to cross the rickety rackety bridge.

The first to cross was Big Smudge Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across a big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Big Smudge Silly Billy said "Yes it''s good isn''t it, I always said this would happen," and crossed to the other side of the bridge where he proceeded to shut up a bit.

The next to cross was Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy said "It''s Worthington''s fault, Grant''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Grant''s fault, Duffy''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Duffy''s fault, Roeder''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Roeder''s fault, Gunn''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Gunn''s fault." The troll was bit bemused and ignored him as Medium Sized Wiz Silly Billy got to the other side, muttering "Lambert is God, Lambert is God."

The last to cross was Little Generic Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Little Generic Silly Billy said "Yes, its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff." And then he got to the other side and even though the field was a bit muddy, the sun came out and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then a little cloud blocked out the sun and Little Generic Silly Billy said "Its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then the sun came out again and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself.

And then the all powerful, all knowing Mod got bored with them all and deleted them.

The End

[/quote]

Good grief that was hard to get through! You display all the wit of a moth and about as much imagination as a caravan site.Don''t give up the day job.If indeed you have one.

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[quote user="Shyster"][quote user="dpit"]

The Three Silly Billy That Post Stuff

Once there were three Silly Billys that were wont to Post Stuff: Big Smudge Silly Billy, Medium-sized Wiz Silly Billy and Little Generic Silly Billy. All three of them lived in a green  field called the Championship where they ate grass (which they didn''t like much) and belched out out a load of old gas that everybody else had to put up with. One day they had to move from their field to another rather more muddly field called Division One and to get there they had to cross the rickety rackety bridge.

The first to cross was Big Smudge Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across a big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Big Smudge Silly Billy said "Yes it''s good isn''t it, I always said this would happen," and crossed to the other side of the bridge where he proceeded to shut up a bit.

The next to cross was Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy said "It''s Worthington''s fault, Grant''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Grant''s fault, Duffy''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Duffy''s fault, Roeder''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Roeder''s fault, Gunn''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Gunn''s fault." The troll was bit bemused and ignored him as Medium Sized Wiz Silly Billy got to the other side, muttering "Lambert is God, Lambert is God."

The last to cross was Little Generic Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Little Generic Silly Billy said "Yes, its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff." And then he got to the other side and even though the field was a bit muddy, the sun came out and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then a little cloud blocked out the sun and Little Generic Silly Billy said "Its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then the sun came out again and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself.

And then the all powerful, all knowing Mod got bored with them all and deleted them.

The End

[/quote]


Good grief that was hard to get through! You display all the wit of a moth and about as much imagination as a caravan site.

Don''t give up the day job.

If indeed you have one.
[/quote]

Why thank you Shyster. Of course, I will take on board your constructive criticism and will not give up my day job as you advise. Once again, thank you for helping me out.

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[quote user="Shyster"][quote user="dpit"]

The Three Silly Billy That Post Stuff

Once there were three Silly Billys that were wont to Post Stuff: Big Smudge Silly Billy, Medium-sized Wiz Silly Billy and Little Generic Silly Billy. All three of them lived in a green  field called the Championship where they ate grass (which they didn''t like much) and belched out out a load of old gas that everybody else had to put up with. One day they had to move from their field to another rather more muddly field called Division One and to get there they had to cross the rickety rackety bridge.

The first to cross was Big Smudge Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across a big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Big Smudge Silly Billy said "Yes it''s good isn''t it, I always said this would happen," and crossed to the other side of the bridge where he proceeded to shut up a bit.

The next to cross was Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Medium-Sized Wiz Silly Billy said "It''s Worthington''s fault, Grant''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Grant''s fault, Duffy''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Duffy''s fault, Roeder''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Roeder''s fault, Gunn''s great, no he''s not he''s crap, it''s Gunn''s fault." The troll was bit bemused and ignored him as Medium Sized Wiz Silly Billy got to the other side, muttering "Lambert is God, Lambert is God."

The last to cross was Little Generic Silly Billy. He started to trot across: trip big trap, trip big trap. Half way across the big troll popped his head out and said, "Ha ha you''re going to the crappy old Division One Field!" And Little Generic Silly Billy said "Yes, its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff." And then he got to the other side and even though the field was a bit muddy, the sun came out and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then a little cloud blocked out the sun and Little Generic Silly Billy said "Its a disgrace, sack everybody, I''m ashamed to be a Silly Billy That Posts Stuff!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself. And then the sun came out again and Little Generic Silly Billy shouted at the troll "Ya boo sucks, we''re really good''!" And the troll laughed quietly to himself.

And then the all powerful, all knowing Mod got bored with them all and deleted them.

The End

[/quote]


Good grief that was hard to get through! You display all the wit of a moth and about as much imagination as a caravan site.

Don''t give up the day job.

If indeed you have one.
[/quote]

By the way, in order to gain further benefit from your insight and writing techniques, I have found the piece below, taken from your archives. This is a great example of wit that goes beyond the level of a moth and is indeed more imaginative than a caravan site. If you are not already a professional writer, I suggest you give up your day job immediately and become one.

The diamond has been polished and will remain a gleaming gem in Lambert''s career - alas, the most precious of those stones are transparent and as with the diamond formation, it''s becoming transparent to the opposition.

Albeit slightly earlier than I predicted/expected, cracks have formed in the diamond - we''ve witnessed major clefts in the seasons second outing against the Cumbrians, where the latter had our formation sussed, and I''m certain the fissuring would prevail in return outings against sides for the rest of the season. Alas, Lambo has partly addressed the situation with the signing of a pacey wide man, but I am still concerned about the lack of pace down the right - call me old fashioned, but I want the option of a 4-4-2 with two nippy out & out flankers who can whip balls into the horse, ''cause there''s no way Holt can keep tracking back in the New Year as he has been doing thus far.

Teams in the second half of the season will also stamp out Hoolahan''s effectiveness by sticking a couple of players on him, which is why it''s imperative creativity comes from elsewhere on the pitch, and it is my belief that both wings should be utilised with equal & even pace; not necessarily within the same games where the lone, swift winger may suffice, but we need those options and hopefully Hoolahan on the bench for reversion purposes to maintain the promotion charge.

Provided we sell no one in January and sign McNamee & Martin there will surely be no funds for the acquisition of a decent right winger - so do we hope that Whaley comes back and comes back in his present good form? Or do we hope that there''s another player currently in the squad that can cut the mustard in that vital right berth?

I sincerely hope that Lambo isn''t relying on one of the youngsters such as Daley

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Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.

I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.

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[quote user="Shyster"]Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.

I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.


I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.
[/quote]

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[quote user="Shyster"]Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.

I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.


I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.
[/quote]

Nope, not upset at all. Í have no self esteem problems. Just that, as my previous post hinted (albeit with rather heaved handed sarcasm), taking criticism from someone whose own writing style leaves something to be desired is rather difficult to swallow.

And yes, I am quite nice and I''m sure you are as well.

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[quote user="dpit"]

[quote user="Shyster"]Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.

I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.


I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.
[/quote]

Nope, not upset at all. Í have no self esteem problems. Just that, as my previous post hinted (albeit with rather heaved handed sarcasm), taking criticism from someone whose own writing style leaves something to be desired is rather difficult to swallow.

And yes, I am quite nice and I''m sure you are as well.

[/quote]

Talk about a couple of girls with handbags[:O]

Now you''re trying to make up before the fights even started[:-*][W]

It was never this wishy washy before Smith got her grubby little hands on our club[:@]

[;)]

 

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[quote user="dpit"]

[quote user="Shyster"]Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.

I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.[/quote]

Nope, not upset at all. Í have no self esteem problems. Just that, as my previous post hinted (albeit with rather heaved handed sarcasm), taking criticism from someone whose own writing style leaves something to be desired is rather difficult to swallow.

And yes, I am quite nice and I''m sure you are as well.

[/quote]

Thing is, dpit, I spent all of five minutes on the ''cracked diamond'' post, whereas it''s obvious you toiled dutifully over your little story for some time.Seriously, there''s no need to get defensive & whiney. Just take what I''ve said on board and keep writing.The UEA does good creative writing courses - try there.

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[quote user="dpit"]

[quote user="Shyster"]Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.

I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.[/quote]

Nope, not upset at all. Í have no self esteem problems. Just that, as my previous post hinted (albeit with rather heaved handed sarcasm), taking criticism from someone whose own writing style leaves something to be desired is rather difficult to swallow.

And yes, I am quite nice and I''m sure you are as well.

[/quote]

Thing is, dpit, I spent all of five minutes on the ''cracked diamond''

post, whereas it''s obvious you toiled dutifully over your little story

for some time, and you do come across as being upset - I can sense it in your post.

Seriously, there''s no need to get defensive & whiney. Just take what I''ve said on board and keep writing.

The UEA does good creative writing courses - try there.

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[quote user="Shyster"][quote user="dpit"]

[quote user="Shyster"]Sorry if I''ve upset you, dpit, but somebody has to be frank & honest on this message board and you should know by now that man is me.

I am capable of giving constructive criticism, but your writing is seriously devoid of anything worth constructively criticising.


I feel a tad bad because you''re probably a really nice person, and I do like nice people.
[/quote]

Nope, not upset at all. Í have no self esteem problems. Just that, as my previous post hinted (albeit with rather heaved handed sarcasm), taking criticism from someone whose own writing style leaves something to be desired is rather difficult to swallow.

And yes, I am quite nice and I''m sure you are as well.

[/quote]
 


Thing is, dpit, I spent all of five minutes on the ''cracked diamond'' post, whereas it''s obvious you toiled dutifully over your little story for some time.

Seriously, there''s no need to get defensive & whiney. Just take what I''ve said on board and keep writing.

The UEA does good creative writing courses - try there.
[/quote]

Aha! I would actually like to have a drink in the pub with you. There is nothing I like more than some good verbal sparring.

Now, I didn''t want bring this up but I have in fact made some money in the past from my writing (albeit a good 20 years ago). Granted my brain has now turned to mush, and it could be that my editors back then made a serious of disastrous mistakes but I still find it hard to take this sort of stuff from you. If you were to tell me that you do in fact write for The Spectator, I would take my ''whining'' and ''defensiveness'' and admit defeat;  but given that I suspect you are a whippersnapper and have maybe done a bit of student journalism in your time, I will not.

We can now consider the matter closed.

(By the way, my crappy little missive took about 10-15 minutes)

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