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I am a Banana

Best things to hear at a football match

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We thought that you would like to know that Roy Keane is not going to be sacked, despite Ipswich''s hat-trick of 10-0 defeats

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"Ouch! What a crunching tackle...! He didn''t even go for the ball, just went straight through the player!"

"Brutal, John, just brutal... there it is, you can hear clearly on the replay the sound of both legs snapping... It''s shocking the ref has just let it go..."

"I have to say, not only do I fear for the playing career of Kevin Muscat, but also his ability to ever walk again..."

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