Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  
The Butler

It's Friday

Recommended Posts

Just to cheer up Friday I hope!

 A Ipswich girl sent an email to an agony Aunt "I am 12 years old and
 haven''t had sex yet, do you think my brother is queer ?"

 My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken
 jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio

Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is
 to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!!

They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are
right. After 8 pints I talk shit and can''t drive

Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel
 in my room disabled" "No" she replies "its just
regular porn you sick bastard"

A mate of mine has just told me he''s shagging his girlfriend and her twin,

 I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a moustache!"

 A biker goes to the Doctor with hearing problems "Can you describe
the symptoms to me"
 "Yes.....Homer is a fat yellow lazy bastard and Marge is a skinny
bird with big blue hair!!"

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites
Thanks Butler. Good way to start the day.This place needs more humour like that [Y]

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

If you don''t laugh at this one, you''re dead!

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors.

Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in.

One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. ''STOP!,'' he shouted in a firm voice. ''Have you got a license for that thing?'' Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. ''OK'' he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted ''STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?'' Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said ''On your way, Ma''am.''

As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his ''You-Know- What'' in his hand. ''Oh, good grief,'' yelled Ethel, ''Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!''

Share this post

Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

  • Create New...