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If- With apologies to Rudyard Kipling


IF you can win your headers when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust your keeper with a backpass,
But make allowance, for he''s only 5 foot 2;
If you can run and not just stand there waiting,
Or watch a flick from Platt, fly past your head,
Lisbie is hated, but deserved a 5 star rating,
Gunn, things don''t look too good, get Dennis Wise:
He might be shit - but he won''t buy you Nelson;
If you can think - then Doherty you aren''t;
If you can catch a winger who''s much faster
And catch the cross, though Theoklitos can''t;
If you can bear to dream of false promotion
Brentford and co could make us look like fools,
We''d watch the things we gave our lives to, broken,
Cos Delia, Wynn, and Foulger are all tools:

We could fill an eggcup with our winnings
Cos Delia just doesn''t give a toss,
We lose, and we are promised new beginnings
But Sunday morn awakes to one more loss;
If you can force your transfer through to Derby
 Then just like Sammy Clingan, you are gone,
And our left winger Wes is set to join them
Cos there''s no ambition left to say: ''Hold on!''

We can talk about our crowds and keep our virtue,
But when Marlon King - sprints through from a nice touch,
His left, his right, and too, his head can hurt you,
The Doc won''t halt him, he''s no Daryl Sutch;
If we could last for the whole ninety minutes
If Semmy can be arsed for once to run,
Ours is the League and by God we might win it
And - which is more - you''ll be a Manager, Bryan Gunn!

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butts bigger than ifs, is that a catch22? can we get outta dis yoss only with kim n'' kin. respect ya''ll

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