pennywise 0 Posted May 17, 2009 " what does you father do for a living? " asks the teacher to young david...david relpies " he works as a dancer in a gay bar , if he likes the look of the punters he takes them outside and gives them oral sex in the alley at the back of the club " the teacher is mortified and takes david out of the classroom.. " oh my god david is that true ? " she asks" no miss he actually plays for norwich city but i was too ashamed to admit it " Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
I am a Banana 0 Posted May 17, 2009 Not bad LOL A man walks into a barOUCH! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Grif 0 Posted May 17, 2009 Laugh?? I thought I''d never start. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shyster 0 Posted May 17, 2009 I had a sore throat and the doctor told me to open my mouth & go "Ah". I said "Why?" He said "My dog died this morning." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shyster 0 Posted May 17, 2009 This bloke walked into a pub accompanied by a giraffe and ordered a pint for himself and seven pints for the giraffe - they both necked their pints and repeated the order three times when suddenly the giraffe collapsed to the floor -- "Oh dear" said the bloke "I think he''s had too much...anyway, bye!" "Hold up!" said the barman "You can''t leave that lyin'' there!" The bloke replied "It''s a giraffe, not a f*cking lion. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mister Chops 7 Posted May 17, 2009 A boy is taken away from his father because he beats the child. Incourt, the judge asks the boy where he would prefer to live while hisfather is tried."Your mother?" asks the judge, at which the boy shakes his head. "No Sir," the boy says, "she also beats me."The judge looks concerned. "Well, how about an aunt or uncle?""No, Sir," the boy says, "they all beat me too.""I see," the judge says. Some hours later, having exhausted all other possibilities, thejudge awards custody of the boy to Bryan Gunn and Norwich CityFootball Club as, in the judge''s words, "they are wholly incapable ofbeating anyone." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Shyster 0 Posted May 17, 2009 HA!! Very good, MC. [:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clint 221 Posted May 17, 2009 [quote user="Larry David"]Where''s the joke?[/quote]Can you not read? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
silver fox 0 Posted May 17, 2009 A man is pulled in by the police and they ask him to blow in the bag.Sorry he replies I can''t do that and he pulls out an NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a registered asthmatic, and any attempt to blow in a bag may prove fatal''.Right says the policeman you must come to the station for a blood sample.Sorry he replies I can''t do that, and he pulls out another NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a haemophiliac and any attempt to give blood may be fatal''.Right says the policeman then it will have to be a urine sample.A third card is shown which says ''This man is a registered Norwich City supporter, so please don''t take the piss out of him''. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
I am a Banana 0 Posted May 17, 2009 [quote user="silver fox"]A man is pulled in by the police and they ask him to blow in the bag.Sorry he replies I can''t do that and he pulls out an NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a registered asthmatic, and any attempt to blow in a bag may prove fatal''.Right says the policeman you must come to the station for a blood sample.Sorry he replies I can''t do that, and he pulls out another NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a haemophiliac and any attempt to give blood may be fatal''.Right says the policeman then it will have to be a urine sample.A third card is shown which says ''This man is a registered Norwich City supporter, so please don''t take the piss out of him''. [/quote]seen it before! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
First Wazzock 902 Posted May 17, 2009 Don''t know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse........ next year...... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
PhatCanary 0 Posted May 17, 2009 [quote user="1st Wazzock"]Don''t know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse........ next year...... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong? [/quote]Thats my favourite so far!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YankeeCanary 0 Posted May 17, 2009 [quote user="1st Wazzock"]Don''t know if this is just a sick coincidence but.... 2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia 2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing 2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe. Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!! It gets worse........ next year...... 2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong? [/quote]It doesn''t bear thinking about. I''m still trying to cope with limping into League 1. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Noseybonk 0 Posted May 17, 2009 Man walks into a bar. Goes to the bar and orders a beer. As he waits for his pint he hears a little voice from the bowl of peanuts on the bar, "I like your shirt, your hair looks nice, you really are a great guy".Unnerved, he walks over to the cigarette machine. As he puts in the coins he hears it saying "You ugly, pug nosed tosspot. If you were any less intelligent, you would need watering".Bemused, he walks back to the bar to collect his pint."What the hell is going on?" he says to the barman."Oh" he says "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Evil Monkey 52 Posted May 17, 2009 I got sent possibly the most sick yet hilarious NCFC related joke by text the other day... I daren''t put it up for fear of offending anyone but its great.... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites