Jump to content
Sign in to follow this  

Recommended Posts

" what does you father do for a living? "  asks the teacher to young david...

david relpies "  he works as a dancer in a gay bar , if he likes the look of the punters he takes them outside and gives them oral sex in the alley at the back of the club "

 the teacher is mortified and  takes david out of the classroom.. " oh my god david is that true ? "  she asks

" no miss he actually plays for norwich city but i was too ashamed to admit it "

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I had a sore throat and the doctor told me to open my mouth & go "Ah". I said "Why?" He said "My dog died this morning."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
This bloke walked into a pub accompanied by a giraffe and ordered a pint for himself and seven pints for the giraffe - they both necked their pints and repeated the order three times when suddenly the giraffe collapsed to the floor -- "Oh dear" said the bloke "I think he''s had too much...anyway, bye!"  "Hold up!" said the barman "You can''t leave that lyin'' there!" The bloke replied "It''s a giraffe, not a f*cking lion.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A boy is taken away from his father because he beats the child.  In

court, the judge asks the boy where he would prefer to live while his

father is tried.

"Your mother?" asks the judge, at which the boy shakes his head. "No Sir," the boy says, "she also beats me."

The judge looks concerned.  "Well, how about an aunt or uncle?"

"No, Sir," the boy says, "they all beat me too."

"I see," the judge says. 

Some hours later, having exhausted all other possibilities, the

judge awards custody of the boy to Bryan Gunn and Norwich City

Football Club as, in the judge''s words, "they are wholly incapable of

beating anyone."

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

[quote user="Larry David"]Where''s the joke?
[/quote]

Can you not read?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A man is pulled in by the police and they ask him to blow in the bag.

Sorry he replies I can''t do that and he pulls out an NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a registered asthmatic, and any attempt to blow in a bag may prove fatal''.

Right says the policeman you must come to the station for a blood sample.

Sorry he replies I can''t do that, and he pulls out another NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a haemophiliac and any attempt to give blood may be fatal''.

Right says the policeman then it will have to be a urine sample.

A third card is shown which says ''This man is a registered Norwich City supporter, so please don''t take the piss out of him''. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote user="silver fox"]

A man is pulled in by the police and they ask him to blow in the bag.

Sorry he replies I can''t do that and he pulls out an NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a registered asthmatic, and any attempt to blow in a bag may prove fatal''.

Right says the policeman you must come to the station for a blood sample.

Sorry he replies I can''t do that, and he pulls out another NHS card on which is printed ''The bearer of this card is a haemophiliac and any attempt to give blood may be fatal''.

Right says the policeman then it will have to be a urine sample.

A third card is shown which says ''This man is a registered Norwich City supporter, so please don''t take the piss out of him''. 

[/quote]

seen it before!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don''t know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse........

next year......


2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote user="1st Wazzock"]

Don''t know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse........

next year......


2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

[/quote]

Thats my favourite so far!!!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
[quote user="1st Wazzock"]

Don''t know if this is just a sick coincidence but....

2007 - Chinese year of the Chicken - Bird Flu Pandemic devastates parts of Asia

2008 - Chinese year of the Horse - Equine Influenza decimates Australian racing

2009 - Chinese year of the Pig - Swine Flu Pandemic kills hundreds of pigs around the globe.

Has any one else noticed this???!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It gets worse........

next year......


2010 - Chinese year of the Cock - what could possibly go wrong?

[/quote]

It doesn''t bear thinking about. I''m still trying to cope with limping into League 1.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Man walks into a bar. Goes to the bar and orders a beer. As he waits for his pint he hears a little voice from the bowl of peanuts on the bar, "I like your shirt, your hair looks nice, you really are a great guy".

Unnerved, he walks over to the cigarette machine. As he puts in the coins he hears it saying "You ugly, pug nosed tosspot. If you were any less intelligent, you would need watering".

Bemused, he walks back to the bar to collect his pint.

"What the hell is going on?" he says to the barman.

"Oh" he says "the peanuts are complimentary and the cigarette machine is out of order".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
I got sent possibly the most sick yet hilarious NCFC related joke by text the other day... I daren''t put it up for fear of offending anyone but its great....

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×
×
  • Create New...