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Darren, please come back.

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Dear Darren,

If you read this, please please please come back home. We are all sorry that the we treated you in this awful way and we realise now that you were our best player. We made a mistake in releasing you when Glenn told us that you were awful and that the fans actually hated you. We were also told by Glenn that, although you were the fittest player at the club in pre-season tests, fit players are not suited for the Coca Cola Championship. He instead insisted that we actually needed a slow overweight player on the left bit of the grass, who runs a lot when we havent got the ball instead of running a lot when we have got the ball. Thats why we spent enough money to keep you for two years on buying Matty Parkinson -at least I think thats his name.

We decided to ask Glenn to leave after my friend Neil, who comes to Carrow Road everyday, got lots of nasty emails from people with season tickets who said that they didnt like him. Im not really sure why, it was something to do with not winning enough football games and telling people that he used to be the England manager when he wasnt. Anyway I cant remember the details, but Bryan - you know the big bald scottish chap - gave me a call and offered to do the shouting thing from that little box with chairs and that he had some friends called Ian and Ian and some other fella who wanted to have a go at sitting in the little box as well. I was a little busy cooking so just thought to myself ''why not'', I mean.... now that Glen wasnt gonna be in there anymore, we may as well no let some of the best seats in the ground go empty.

Anyway, apparently we lost another game of football today, sometimes I forget that Norwich City Plc even have a football team. I get so busy with sitting reading and looking after the restaurant that I forget we even play. Well.... Neil told me that losing that game of football means that we have lost too many games this year and we will be made to play other clubs next year. I dont really understand what that meant, relagatoration or something another, but Neil said that we now get lots less money to spend on the restuarant and for other things like Neils pocket money. That means, and I think I''ve got this right, that we dont have anymore money and that we have to sell some more players.

Anyway, I have asked Bryan and Neil whether the coca cola people will let us play the teams that earn us more money again and they told me that the only way we can do this is to get some footballers that can kick that little ball thing into the square things at the end of the grass more. And we also need some footballers that can stop the ball from going in that other square thing at the other end of the grass. Bryan said that the best footballer we have had at helping the ball to go into the goal square thing is to actually you, and that Glen was telling fibs afterall. He also said that he bought another good square point getter in January who would only be able to kick the ball in the square more if we had you in the team.

Therefore, I beg you, to come back and live in Norwich so you can play games on our grass again. If you dont play ball games on our lawn again, I can never do up the restuarant ever again and Neil cant have any more pocket money. Unfortunately, I cant give you quite as much pocket money as I used to, but I heard that your new mummy and daddy in America dont give you much anyway so im sure that would be ok.

Please write back,



Delilah Smithy.

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