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Ipswich to keep large net handy

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IPSWICH Town yesterday unveiled Roy Keane as their new manager but

stressed they would be keeping a large butterfly net to hand, just in

Keane prefers to bite down on a pencil

executive Simon Clegg said that while he expected Keane to bring

silverware to Portman Road the club also had a responsibility to ensure

they could catch him as quickly as possible. He added: "The

net is the safest method, but if he manages to outrun his carers then

we are prepared to bring him down with a tranquiliser dart and then

secure him to a wooden plank using strong leather bindings."

Much of the club''s offices and training facilities have been padded in

anticipation of the appointment, while a treatment room has been

refurbished to accommodate Keane''s electro-shock paraphernalia.

Keane told a press conference that Ipswich was a great club with a

proud history that had always punched above its weight and said he was

looking forward to taking his first training session just as soon as

the 40ft high chicken had been removed from the centre circle.

The Manchester United legend also claimed none of his former team mates

had so far made a success of management, while only a handful had

harnessed the power to make themselves invisible. Keane said

that Mark Hughes had done better at Blackburn than Manchester City

before insisting repeatedly that Steve Bruce does not exist.

He added: "I have the support of the owner who understands that it''s

very important for me to able to buy any player I want and then

experiment on him in my underground laboratory."


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ok so that didnt really work... probably best to follow the link if you want to waste 30 seconds of your life.

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