The Butler 0 Posted March 13, 2009 Darwin AwardsThese help keep the gene pool slightly cleanerALL TRUE!!Eighth PlaceIn Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned intwo feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.Seventh PlaceA 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who ''totallyzoned when he ran,'' accidentally, jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.Sixth PlaceWhile at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8 foot holefor protection from the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom! When it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.Fifth PlaceSantiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth to keep his hands free rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.Fourth PlaceSylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a betwith friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.Third PlaceAfter stepping around a marked police patrol car parkedat the front door, a man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up! and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.Runner UpPaul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored justdriving around at 2 A.M. so they lit a quarter stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.Honourable MentionKerry Bingham had been drinking with several friendswhen one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman''s cable, lay near by. They secured one end around Bingham''s leg and then tied the other ! ;to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle.. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. Bingham''s foot was never located.AND THE WINNER IS...Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt ( Paderborn, Germany) fedhis constipated elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, wasattempting to give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded.The sheer force of the elephant''s unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him.It seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... ''Sh*t happens'' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bury Yellow 2 Posted March 13, 2009 Slightly OT but my decorator went off to have acupuncture treatment yesterday. As he went out of the door I said ''Best of luck with your Portman'' ''What''? he said. I replied ''Well you going to be full of pricks''!He''s a good Suffolk lad - Doesn''t like football don''t ya know! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Iwan is God 0 Posted March 13, 2009 Even worse than Ipswich fans, the majority are yanks which explains their stupidity! [;)] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
First Wazzock 902 Posted March 13, 2009 Ipswich GirlAn Ipswich girl went down to the Post Office to get her family allowance.The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?""Ten," she replied."What are their names?" he asked."Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne,Wayne, and Wayne," she answered."They''re all named Wayne ?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?""Oh, that''s easy," she said. "I just call "Wayne" and they all come running in.""And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?""I just say, ''Wayne, come eat your dinner''," she answered."But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked."Oh, that''s easy," she said. "I just use their last name!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
First Wazzock 902 Posted March 13, 2009 Speed Camera Revenge Who said there isn''t anything to do in Canberra..... Two weeks ago a speed camera van in Canberra was approached by 4 youths. Whilst the camera operator was talking to three boys about the van''s equipment and how it works, the fourth boy proceeded to undo the van''s front number plate. They then said good-bye to the operator, Went home and fixed the number plate to their car and proceeded to drive considerably over the speed limit 17 times through the speed camera radar.Needless to say, there was considerable embarrassment by Urban services when the computer posted their own speeding fines to the department. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Smudger Appreciation Society (SAS) 0 Posted March 13, 2009 Don''t watch the Darwin Awards film released a few years ago, awful Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
AJ 1,218 Posted March 13, 2009 Loved the books, haven''t heard much about the film though? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Smudger Appreciation Society (SAS) 0 Posted March 13, 2009 Just don''t go there! It could have been done a lot lot better but doesn''t even come close to the way their written words come over. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites