A bit of empathy, please!

[susie b 0]

What follows is a true story.

Two years ago I was working my socks off to better myself within a pretty large organisation. I thought things were going well personally and for the business, but, for some reason, I began to get the feeling that my contribution wasn''t as valued as it once was. Some of the management''s comments and actions were very hurtful and demotivating, and yet I was expected to get on with it as if I was as happy as I had been before. It was inevitable that my confidence took a battering, so I started to explore other avenues for the future as it seemed I had no long-term future where I was.
Whilst still employed by the organisation I went elsewhere to train to work in a slightly different field, and the work experience part of this training meant I was attached to another organisation for a while. This new organisation was a great place to work. The people were very friendly and helpful, the resources available to me were excellent, the atmosphere around the place was positive and the location of the work was a major plus point too. Only problem was that when the fifteen weeks I was doing work experience there was rapidly coming to an end, with no specific opening there in my immediate sight, I couldn''t help but feel down about it, and more than a bit confused about whether I would ever get the chance of being offered a contract there.

Has anyone else out there had a similar experience, and does this perhaps have any parallels with that of any of our team currently, I wonder?

I''m not trying to make excuses here for any very recent below par performances, but I am suggesting that we try and put ourselves in other people''s boots a bit before we criticise too quickly and too harshly.

I was disgusted to hear a few fans after the Coventry game talking about buying certain players one-way tickets to the north, south and the Midlands. What short memories these ''fans'' have! No recollection of who has really helped us to get where we are right now. What a great way to show our gratitiude and support our team.

(The ending to the story above was that I persevered and did succeed in getting a contract where I wanted to be, and I''m still happy there to this day. Here''s hoping that other stories yet to be written might have similar endings. I for one will be very happy if they do)! OTBC!

[xx 0]

An excellent story Susie which makes an aweful lot of sense. I raise my glass to u!

[gazzathegreat 0]

yes, brilliant stuff susie

but i think you have to accept people in general are fickle and forget quickly

to all of you who now want hucks to go, if he does i hope you can find it in yourselves to be positive when we are looking up the table from 13th place

if he goes, who is going to replace him, no one currently at the club i suggest, or he wouldn''t have come here in the first place - boy do we need him and crouch!! If nothing else, the last three games have only emphasised how much we need both hucks and crouch, we are a very small squad!!

Susie, yes, every point you make is valid, and i wish everyone could stand back sometimes and think a little about what those three players have contributed in the past three months.
I was disappointed about the last three games, but it only made me hope more and more that the club is doing something behind closed doors, it would be such a shame to waste our great start.

[beelsie 0]

Most that has been said, on this thread is valid to a degree. May i suggest there is a side many performers that does not reflect inner pride and resillience. Life and work was never always supposed to convivial, and agreeable. Not one of us can say that all the decisions we make are correct, brilliant or amazing. What is the most important thing in ones life? I think it is the ability to take on board constructive criticism, and be able to criticise one''s self as well as appraise ones own contribution to the whole or part of an undertaking. Children sulk because of immaturity, grown ups dont expect praise for a job that they are well paid to do, grown ups should expect that at all times they are doing the best they can for themselves as well as the team that they work or play for. Self satisfaction is an inward feeling of accomplishment, that once earned can never be taken away from one, whatever out siders may say. It is good when I hear self criticism made by Huckerby about his own fitness and his lack of goals scored. It shows to me great personal responsibility. In other words the only person that can really push the borders of performance is the performers themselves. Eleven of those sort on the field who are pushing themselves to the realms of perfection in what they regard as their profession will never be criticised because a tryer can always be identified by the way he applies himself.

[susie b 0]

You make some very good observations here about the differences between self-perception and how others perceive you, and how constructive criticism from within or from others can be used for the good of all.
When writing earlier about what happened to me a while back, I think the thing that made me draw some parallels with our loan players'' situations was the feeling that I could see myself making a positive contribution and being valued elsewhere, but I was being held back from doing so by that lovely, sticky red tape! I also knew instinctively that I would be much happier elsewhere and, although you say that you think work isn''t meant meant to make you feel that way, I don''t think many people would apologise for at least trying to make that part of their lives enjoyable if they can.
I still stand by the main point of telling my story which is that we would all do well to just try to see things from other people''s points of view sometimes. That goes for those who are trying to sort out global issues as well as for those trying (I hope) to sort out the future employment of players who I believe are vital to our current campaign.
(I am heartened to hear Peter Crouch has said today that he wants to stay until the end of the season - on tv about half an hour ago. Let''s hope David O''Leary is feeling favourable towards us when Nigel makes that phone call early next week).

[beelsie 0]

Susie! I liked your story and almost all of your points reflect well in a society that is geared to the nicer facets of human nature. But I, having achieved 70 plus years in employment and business on my own account. Have to view the enemy from within to be our weakest link, often what it says to others for effect is not often as honest as it should be, the inner being often says that it is trying when it is realy only going through the motions. Much of this starts in the new methods of child education, where, much as I agree with ecouragement for the development of good behaviour and academic achievement. Our modern child is often greeted with exagerated praise from its educators or minders for the most mediocre of efforts. The over use of magnificent, splendid,fantastic come to mind, words that are often used to describe the most moderate attempts by our youngsters. This over praise syndrome that exists in modern life is I believe the precursor of the poor reaction to an attempt by people from my ancient background to raise the perception and the attainment of what is really fantastic, through an example of the beautiful work done by people like Leonardo-di-Vinci, Botticelli, William Shakespeare, etc. It is never to early to show the young what is beautiful and why it is percieved to be so, and use that as a benchmark for their own achievements. All achievements to these standards are difficult and require dedication and immence concentration from within.
In the poor church school that I attended most af the five year olds were quickly able to produce copper plate writing that was not scrawled all over the page at varied angles, the praise from hard taskmasters came with the attainment of the goal, utmost praise was ,well done!
We can learn much from the Japanese the French and the Germans in their approach to education. High standards for preparation of the young, for introduction to the work place is reflected in our society. The lack of those high standards are responsible for what we see portrayed on our media every day.
The fall in standards started in the late fifty''s and sixty''s.

I believe that the greatest pleasure is the attainment of the goal that you have set for yourself however hard the personal cost in sweat and tears. Just ask Sherpa Tensing who scaled Everest. His journey was tough and almost incomprehensible, his joy must have been directly in proportion to the effort used in the climb. Susie, thanks for the thread and your ideas, many I agree with, it is a pleasure to hear others perceptions of life''s experience. I would go on but I have overdone it as usual. I was going to site some wartime experiences, that added weight to my ramblings. Thanks again.

[susie b 0]

You are so right in what you have to say about exaggerated praise. In the world of sport, how many times do we hear commentators say the word ''fantastic'' or ''brilliant'' when, in our judgement, a feat was good or very good, but not more than that in reality?
One thing I forgot to mention when I wrote my story was that I made a positive decision to take a pay cut, and quite a substantial one for me, in order to change job and gain so many other things, such as increased quality of life through less stress, a bit more time to spend with friends and family, improved health and wellbeing, and so on. I don''t regret it one little bit, and although I certainly know that we all need money to survive, the best things in my life are as near to being free as they can be...apart from watching Norwich, of course!
The team will, of course, add to all these positive aspects tomorrow when they beat Crewe!!!

[beelsie 0]

Are we kindred spirits? I too, was as a young man at odds with a well paid job with the Air Ministry it was sedentry and not in the least demanding. Except for the fact that all of the sociability and pleasentries from above were in abundance, they went out of their way to push upon me perks that in my opinion were far in excess of what was an entitlement of the job that I did and therefore completely unnecessary. Due to my rural farm upbringing and a period in the RAF my feet had retained contact with the ground; disilusioned with my employers, I resigned, and set up my own business, and from then on I worked harder than I had ever done before, always getting great pleasure from a job well done. With the pleasure of making friends of my customers and earning good remuneration for my efforts I went from strength to strength. I also increased my range of skills and employed staff from whom I expected similar dedication. I seemed to have developed an ability to select people who were an asset to my business and who could deal well with customers, and expand in a posiitve way their perception of what would keep those customers happy and coming back. It was so simple all those people wanted was an honest and reliable approach, where if our company made a mistake, we put it right at our expence with a good will and a smile. I sold the business at the age of 55 and settled for early retirement.

The beating of Crewe was the highlight of the week end there were however some dodgy moments in our defence that were caused by a lack of concentration especially in the seconed half, the formation that we have has in my opinion the habit of playing too close to one another allowing little room for lapses of this sort, and not enough space for recovery and setting up an attack. Nice to see Brennan making an effort after a long enforced absence. Good luck to him!

I have noticed on the boards much appreciation for the service that Norwich has had from Iwan Roberts. I would go along with those sentiments, but with the provisor that he is no longer able to contribute to the cause as he used to therefore he should be on half pay, commensurate with his present contribution. Can you imagine where would be as a country if pensions were maintained at company pay levels? What an uproar there would be from the young ones left at work if they had to work twice as hard or forfeit their cost of living rises.

Maybe that a sacrifice of half Roberts pay may contribute to a proportion of the pay required by Huckerby or Crouch if signed.