The Butler 0 Posted September 8, 2008 A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, ''Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can''t figure out how to get started.'' Her boyfriend asks, ''What is it supposed to be when it''s finished?'' The blonde says, ''According to the picture on the box, it''s a rooster.'' Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, ''First of all, no matter what we do, we''re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'' He takes her hand and says, ''Secondly, I want you to relax. Let''s have a nice cup of tea, and then he said with a deep sigh, .. . . . . (scroll down) ''Let''s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.'' Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SnakePit Lassy 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="The Butler"]A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, ''Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can''t figure out how to get started.'' Her boyfriend asks, ''What is it supposed to be when it''s finished?'' The blonde says, ''According to the picture on the box, it''s a rooster.'' Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, ''First of all, no matter what we do, we''re not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster.'' He takes her hand and says, ''Secondly, I want you to relax. Let''s have a nice cup of tea, and then he said with a deep sigh, .. . . . . (scroll down) ''Let''s put all the Corn Flakes back in the box.''[/quote] Haha!Im not that bad though.. :s Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canary cherub 1 Posted September 8, 2008 We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marty 0 Posted September 8, 2008 Kathy, regarding issues such as blokes leaving of the toilet seat up...............Surely it is a case of women leaving it down! Us fella''s have to put it up everytime we use it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marty 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Marty"]Us fella''s have to put it up everytime we use it.[/quote]Well that''s if you''re lucky! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canary cherub 1 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Strawberry"]We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
stripey 0 Posted September 8, 2008 You go girl![:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lappinitup 629 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Butler 0 Posted September 8, 2008 One for the girls!!Driving to the office this morning on the bypass, I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL. Bloody Women Drivers!!!!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canary cherub 1 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$][/quote]ROFL! [:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canary cherub 1 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="The Butler"]One for the girls!!Driving to the office this morning on the bypass, I looked over to my right and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 90 miles per hour with her face up close to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane still working on that makeup!It scared me (and this coming from a bloke....) so much that I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the bacon roll out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten up the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my mobile from my ear, which fell into the coffee between my legs, causing it to splash and burn BIG JIM AND THE TWINS, causing me to scream, which made me drop the cigarette out of my mouth, ruined my shirt and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL. Bloody Women Drivers!!!!!!![/quote]In off the post!! Final score Kathy 1-1 Butler Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Butler 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$][/quote]Last over heard that chat up line back at the Firs Stadium in 1961 ish. Some young chap in jeans and a leather jacket! It didn''t seem to work then either[:S] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lappinitup 629 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="The Butler"][quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$][/quote]Last over heard that chat up line back at the Firs Stadium in 1961 ish. Some young chap in jeans and a leather jacket! It didn''t seem to work then either[:S][/quote]Did those jeans have four-inch turn-ups Butler and was he wearing winkle pickers? If so, it was probably arrdee, a real smoothie. [;)] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syteanric 1 Posted September 8, 2008 i think the vast majoirty are obviously male on here.. but im sure the more females that post it will encourage even more too as well.. this is the 21st century and everyones entitled to an opinion.. Arthur Whittle might think you should be chained to the kitchen cooking tea thoughjas :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canary cherub 1 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="The Butler"][quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$][/quote]Last over heard that chat up line back at the Firs Stadium in 1961 ish. Some young chap in jeans and a leather jacket! It didn''t seem to work then either[:S][/quote]Did those jeans have four-inch turn-ups Butler and was he wearing winkle pickers? If so, it was probably arrdee, a real smoothie. [;)][/quote]Brothel creepers so I''m told. And fluorescent lime green socks. And a bootlace tie . . . [;)] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Butler 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="The Butler"][quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$][/quote]Last over heard that chat up line back at the Firs Stadium in 1961 ish. Some young chap in jeans and a leather jacket! It didn''t seem to work then either[:S][/quote]Did those jeans have four-inch turn-ups Butler and was he wearing winkle pickers? If so, it was probably arrdee, a real smoothie. [;)][/quote]Was there any other form of dress then? A dab of castrol R behind the ears and any girl was irresistable. But then most were at that age[:S] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Butler 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="The Butler"][quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="Strawberry"][quote user="Strawberry"] We have a game on our hands after all Pete . . .Kathy 1 - 1 The Butler[/quote]oh wait, the linesman''s flagging . . . Butler offside!! [/quote]Strawbs, there''s something about you I like, but I can''t put my finger on it! [:$][/quote]Last over heard that chat up line back at the Firs Stadium in 1961 ish. Some young chap in jeans and a leather jacket! It didn''t seem to work then either[:S][/quote]Did those jeans have four-inch turn-ups Butler and was he wearing winkle pickers? If so, it was probably arrdee, a real smoothie. [;)][/quote]Brothel creepers so I''m told. And fluorescent lime green socks. And a bootlace tie . . . [;)] [/quote]You must have been there. Wish I still had the socks!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Marty 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="jas the barclay king"]i think the vast majoirty are obviously male on here.. but im sure the more females that post it will encourage even more too as well.. this is the 21st century and everyones entitled to an opinion.. Arthur Whittle might think you should be chained to the kitchen cooking tea thoughjas :)[/quote] that''s a good point, even women should be unchained for at least 1h a day, afterall it is a more civilised and politically correct society nowadays. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Syteanric 1 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Marty"][quote user="jas the barclay king"] i think the vast majoirty are obviously male on here.. but im sure the more females that post it will encourage even more too as well.. this is the 21st century and everyones entitled to an opinion.. Arthur Whittle might think you should be chained to the kitchen cooking tea thoughjas :)[/quote] that''s a good point, even women should be unchained for at least 1h a day, afterall it is a more civilised and politically correct society nowadays.[/quote]chaining them to the sink is cruel... Barefoot and pregnent is much better use for them ;) :pjas :) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SnakePit Lassy 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="jas the barclay king"][quote user="Marty"][quote user="jas the barclay king"] i think the vast majoirty are obviously male on here.. but im sure the more females that post it will encourage even more too as well.. this is the 21st century and everyones entitled to an opinion.. Arthur Whittle might think you should be chained to the kitchen cooking tea thoughjas :)[/quote] that''s a good point, even women should be unchained for at least 1h a day, afterall it is a more civilised and politically correct society nowadays.[/quote]chaining them to the sink is cruel... Barefoot and pregnent is much better use for them ;) :pjas :)[/quote] :O:Olol Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DDD In The Fine City 1 Posted September 8, 2008 Can one of you girlies teach me how to be a lesbian? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SnakePit Lassy 0 Posted September 8, 2008 Delia''s Well Behaved Devonshire Dirtbox"]Can one of you girlies teach me how to be a lesbian? Hmm your reason being?? :S Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Bump 0 Posted September 8, 2008 I hope not because girls have cooties!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SnakePit Lassy 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="SnakePit Lassy"]Delia''s Well Behaved Devonshire Dirtbox"]Can one of you girlies teach me how to be a lesbian? Hmm your reason being?? :S[/quote] LOL Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
barclay_troy 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Sports Desk - Pete"]We really do need another City game very soon![/quote]Can''t agree with you more. Some of the things that have been posted since window closed have been... well you dont need me to tell you. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lappinitup 629 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Delias Well Behaved Devonshire Dirtbox"]Can one of you girlies teach me how to be a lesbian?[/quote]Are you waiting for the op DDD? [:S] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
canary cherub 1 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Delias Well Behaved Devonshire Dirtbox"]Can one of you girlies teach me how to be a lesbian?[/quote]Trick question to try and find out if any of us are gay . . . mind your own business you dirty old man [:D] Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YankeeCanary 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="Kathy"][quote user="Marty"] I''m not one, but apart from their inability to drive, map read and tell the difference between left and right I think they are great.[/quote]Never mind the football. This is war.Marty - an evening class for you.AVAILABLE NOW - EVENING CLASSESOPEN TO MEN ONLYNote: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participantsThe course covers two days, and topics covered on this course include:DAY ONETOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?Roundtable discussionDIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOORPracticing with hamper (pictures and graphics)DISHES & CUTLERY; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?Debate amongst a panel of expertsREMOTE CONTROLLosing the remote control - Helpline and support groupsLEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGSStarting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down whilst shouting - Open forumDAY TWOEMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?Group discussion and role playHEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTHPowerPoint presentationREAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOSTReal life testimonial from the one man who didIS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?Driving simulationLIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNEROnline class and role playingHOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANIONRelaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniquesREMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU''RE GOING TO BE LATEBring your calendar or PDA to classGETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIMEIndividual counsellors available [:)][/quote]Very good Kathy. Can I suggest a space is left for Strawberry in the highlighted class. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Butler 0 Posted September 8, 2008 [quote user="YankeeCanary"][quote user="Kathy"][quote user="Marty"] I''m not one, but apart from their inability to drive, map read and tell the difference between left and right I think they are great.[/quote]Never mind the football. This is war.Marty - an evening class for you.AVAILABLE NOW - EVENING CLASSESOPEN TO MEN ONLYNote: due to the complexity and level of difficulty, each course will accept a maximum of eight participantsThe course covers two days, and topics covered on this course include:DAY ONETOILET ROLLS - DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?Roundtable discussionDIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOORPracticing with hamper (pictures and graphics)DISHES & CUTLERY; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?Debate amongst a panel of expertsREMOTE CONTROLLosing the remote control - Helpline and support groupsLEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGSStarting with looking in the right place instead of turning the house upside down whilst shouting - Open forumDAY TWOEMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?Group discussion and role playHEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTHPowerPoint presentationREAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOSTReal life testimonial from the one man who didIS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?Driving simulationLIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR PARTNEROnline class and role playingHOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANIONRelaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniquesREMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU''RE GOING TO BE LATEBring your calendar or PDA to classGETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIMEIndividual counsellors available [:)][/quote]Very good Kathy. Can I suggest a space is left for Strawberry in the highlighted class. [/quote]The mans sideNow here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules!Please note.. these are all numbered "1 " ON PURPOSE! 1. Men are NOT mind readers. 1. Learn to work the toilet seat.You''re a big girl. If it''s up, put it down.We need it up, you need it down.You don''t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1. Sunday sports It''s like the full moon or the changing of the tides.Let it be.1. Crying is blackmail.1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work!Strong hints do not work!Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That''s what we do.Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days. 1. If you think you''re fat, you probably are.Don''t ask us.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do somethingOr tell us how you want it done. Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.. 1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing''s wrong.. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 1. If you ask a question you don''t want an answer to, Expect an answer you don''t want to hear.1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really . 1. Don''t ask us what we''re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as footballor golf.1. You have enough clothes.1. You have too many shoes.1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!1. Thank you for reading this.Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;But did you know men really don''t mind that? It''s like camping. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites