My Mums' poor. Part 3

[Tony Harrison 0]

Mum read my last post and so I have been grounded for last few days. Mum made me polish all her "best pies" awards but we hent got no polish left because she drank it. Mum had nice man called Jimmy round for some homecooked beef and toothpaste pie. Mum just had wine. I listened from top of the stairs and heard mum saying ".......but if Cardiff owe you that much money then you could play for us and they could pay you.....and you would still get your voucher for Yellas from me." Jimmy went home quite soon after that.

Mum and Mr Doncaster have been watching the olympics to try to find a "big target man". Mum had wine but Mr Doncaster dont have none because he said his mum would smell it on his breath when he got home. They discussed a plan which involved them ringing the agents of all the athletes who did really badly in either the Hammer, Shot, Discuss or High Jump. As soon as said athlete failed spectacularly Mr Doncaster phoned them with a "very generous offer." No athlete wanted to come but I think this was either because Mr Doncaster sounds a bit like death whispering into your ear or because the athletes didn''t fancy having to get a Caroline Seagull coach all the way from Beijing to Norwich. "Tell them they can watch Shrek 2 as many times as they want" said my mum.

My mum keeps saying that "everythings wonderful - theres loads of food!" but this aint true. My trousers keep falling down and even my mum cant make a wholesome meal out of pistachio nuts and Vim. I would like to go round my mates and get their mums to feed me but she wont have it. We got a huge pile of bills and when I tried to use them to make a simple lasagne out of them she went mental and said they hadn''t been paid yet. I reckon the balliffs will be following soon but she says "everythings fine- weve got loads of money"

Mum will be back from her shopping trip with Mrs Turner soon so I better get off the computer. She said "Sharon we better get a cab cos I had a "working lunch" and I imagine that you and Andrew have been getting stuck into the white-lightning since half ten as usual." S**t thts their taxi pulling up now.

 

[Bruce Eats Walkers! 0]

Sorry to dissapoint but they would have to us a Sanders "Club Cabbage" coach as Caroline Seagul has ceased trading.

[Faraway KAB 0]

Can''t believe a name as great/daft as Caroline Seagull was allowed to die. Tragic.