Why has it been quite

[Green and Yellow 0]

Why has it been so quite at NCFC on the transfer market?. Other clubs are buying and selling. Is it that Roeder is playing a shrewed game or are NCFC in a serious financial situation.

This is not meant to be a negative have a go at the board post. Just to get some discussion going on what is happening. 

[Destort 0]

Quiet?

[YankeeCanary 0]

[quote user="Destort"]

Quiet? Quite!

[/quote]

[lappinitup 629]

Quite quiet actually !

[Carlos Valderrama 0]

[quote user="The Great Revival. "]

Why has it been so quite at NCFC on the transfer market?. Other clubs are buying and selling. Is it that Roeder is playing a shrewed game or are NCFC in a serious financial situation.

This is not meant to be a negative have a go at the board post. Just to get some discussion going on what is happening. 

[/quote]

Other clubs have not been buying, releasing yes but buying no.  The first flurry of transfers will happen at the end of this month, the major business will happen at the beginning of next.

Transfer activity normally coincides with players returning for pre-season training.  Managers need a chance to assess what they have and what they need beofre they make the big decisions.

[First Wizard 0]

[quote user="The Great Revival. "]

Why has it been so quite at NCFC on the transfer market?. Other clubs are buying and selling. Is it that Roeder is playing a shrewed game or are NCFC in a serious financial situation.

This is not meant to be a negative have a go at the board post. Just to get some discussion going on what is happening. 

[/quote]

Simply mate, we''re almost broke...........

[we8wba 0]

FFS Do You Really Expect A New Team By Mid June?????

Deals Will Be Completed Couple Weeks Into Pre-Season After Managers of Assessed The Squads. The Only Deals Now Being Completed Are Released, Out Of Contract Or Dead Wood

[First Wazzock 902]

[quote user="1st Wizard"][quote user="The Great Revival. "]

Why has it been so quite at NCFC on the transfer market?. Other clubs are buying and selling. Is it that Roeder is playing a shrewed game or are NCFC in a serious financial situation.

This is not meant to be a negative have a go at the board post. Just to get some discussion going on what is happening. 

[/quote]

Simply mate, we''re almost broke...........

[/quote]

C''mon Wiz we want something original - you''re just cutting and pasting the same line on every thread!

[arrdee 1]

Well you lovely old posters I do love a quiet life as quiet as the churchyard at midnight in fact . Wonderful.  Love it , just love it . arrdee.

[alexthesupercanary 0]

I recall he did it at newcastle and made some awseome signings like Duff Rossi Bernard for the second time who all made fantastic contributions to their season patience lads

[lappinitup 629]

It wasn''t quiet like that when the body went missing though, was it ?   [;)]

[arrdee 1]

[quote user="lappinitup"]

It wasn''t quiet like that when the body went missing though, was it ?   [;)]

[/quote]

Now "Lapp" I suppose you are talking to me ? I don''t want to think about that let alone talk about it , It was something that unfortunately happen to me . If you will forgive the pun I would like to bury it . I know there were lots of rumours but it was not my fault . arrdee.

[lappinitup 629]

[quote user="arrdee"][quote user="lappinitup"]

It wasn''t quiet like that when the body went missing though, was it ?   [;)]

[/quote] Now "Lapp" I suppose you are talking to me ? I don''t want to think about that let alone talk about it , It was something that unfortunately happen to me . If you will forgive the pun I would like to bury it . I know there were lots of rumours but it was not my fault . arrdee.

[/quote]I think it''s high time the story was told arrdee, if only to clear your name lol   [:D]

[lappinitup 629]

Arrdee''s missing body ; the true story.......

Arrdee left school at Easter just before his fifteenth birthday and decided to follow in the family footsteps. It didn''t appeal to arrdee to work for the family as he knew the wages would be small and hours long. So arrdee started his own undertakers business. He persuaded his father to let him use a redundant barn and a few outbuildings so he would be working from home and the overheads would be low. The next thing arrdee did was to buy a horse drawn hearse, not so much for it’s attraction but because arrdee wasn’t old enough to drive and oats were cheaper than petrol anyway.

 

Arrdee worked hard through that cold wet summer but the dismal weather was a blessing in disguise for him because the dampness caused a lot of flu, the mortality rates were high and arrdee took full advantage of the situation. Everyone wanted arrdee to arrange their loved ones funerals, mainly because he undercut all the opposition’s prices and gave triple green shield stamps on each transaction. He even offered more discounts if they paid cash and didn’t want a receipt. He nearly single handedly put the Co-op out of business. As the year drew on, the wad of cash in arrdee''s pocket grew thicker and thicker. That crocodile-skin wallet in his back pocket was stuffed full with ten bob notes. Just before Christmas arrdee decided to splash some of his cash to celebrate his success and throw a party like no other.

 

On Christmas eve everything was ready, a suckling pig on the spit, sausage rolls, mince pies, chickens, you never saw so much food, all set out on upturned empty coffins in the barn, but the beer, oh the beer, barrels and barrels of arrdee''s favorite real ales (Bullards ''rough'' and Morgans ''old'') and Norfolk Nips for the ladies. All the barrels were tapped and lined up besides arrdee''s barn, a truly awesome sight.

 

Arrdee was ready to meet his guests as they arrived at about seven o''clock, dressed in his best black shirt with his bootlace tie, drainpipe jeans with four-inch turn-ups and his new winkle pickers, his long bushy sideburns and a quiff that Elvis would have been proud of. Arrdee''s mates, relatives, old school chums and of course every one in the village were invited. They gasped in awe when they saw what arrdee had put on for them. Arrdee didn''t let them hang about, he made sure everyone tucked in and the beer flowed like a river.

 

By nine o''clock everyone was pickled and the laughter, singing and yeh-haa’s could be heard from miles around. Arrdee couldn''t be happier. He knew that all these guests would be talking about arrdee''s party for months to come and his fame would bring in more business later.

 

Now, at about ten o''clock, one of arrdee''s mates called George was stumbling about in a drunken stupor gasping for a wee but the queue to arrdee''s toilet was long, so in desperation he stumbled into one of arrdee''s sheds to relieve himself. As the pressure in George’s bladder eased he looked around in the gloom and was suddenly startled when he realized he wasn''t alone. There, asleep on a table was this young woman. Sorry, sorry, mumbled George but there was no reply. He hadn''t realised that this shed was arrdee''s chapel of rest and he was looking at a young woman who had been a victim of the flu and had been brought in that day

 

Thinking the young woman was sleeping off the effects of too much drink, George was not one to miss an opportunity and he new that when she woke up she wouldn’t be able to resist his charms. He realised that any attempt to take advantage of the situation in the shed was too risky so he decided to move her to somewhere they wouldn''t be caught out. Peeking out of the door again he noticed arrdee''s trade bike leaning against a wall. Perfect, he thought, so with no more to do, he lifted the young woman into the tray on the front of the bike. A quick look round and he was off, peddling that bike as fast as he could.

 

After about half a mile George was knackered but then he saw a strawstack close to the road. Ideal, thought George, so he lifted the young woman off the bike, stumbled over a five barred gate and laid her down on some straw. By now, George was shattered and still very drunk so he lay down beside her and crashed out. A couple of hours later George was awakened by some sheep sniffing him, licking his face and baa-ing loudly. George was terrified and bolted! He cleared that gate like an Olympic hurdler, threw himself onto that trade bike and broke the world land speed record as he pedalled frantically until he reached arrdee’s house once again. The party was in full swing, arrdee was bopping like a wild thing with mawthers swarming round him and a wicked grin on his face but George wasn’t one to miss either out so he joined in again totally unaware of the poor girl he''d left in the field. In his drunken state he had completely forgotten about her.

 

The next morning (Christmas day) arrdee with his head throbbing and feeling violently sick had to go outside to feed his chickens, pigs and horse and to check the state of his buildings and yard after the party. Gingerly he made his way round the yard until he came to his chapel of rest. To his dismay, the young woman had GONE. She can''t be gone thought arrdee, she was dead. I know she was dead. She can’t be gone!

 

What can I do, where can she be thought arrdee, if I can''t find her I''ll be ruined. He knew he couldn''t call the police as they would tell the papers and then arrdee would be shamed. No-one would ever trust poor arrdee again with their loved ones because he might lose them. What could he do?

 

By lunchtime his head was clearing but oh it was a struggle to eat the huge Christmas dinner his mother put before him, so worried was he. He couldn''t even concentrate on the queen’s speech and had to be reminded to stand up when they played the national anthem. The evening was no better, grandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins all wanted to see arrdee in the colourful socks they had bought him for Christmas and although arrdee was in no mood to keep trying them on, his father insisted. He was just grateful his mother had made him wash his feet for the party the night before.

 

The next day (Boxing Day) arrdee felt a bit better although his heart was heavy. Norwich were playing the binners at home and arrdee was not going to miss that but what could he do about the girl? In desperation, he got on his trusty trade bike and went round all his mates to help him with a search swearing them to secrecy but that didn''t turn anything up. George even joined in the search, his memory of the event completely gone, but nothing turned up. At the match that afternoon arrdee was so miserable although City won. Even Comfy and his mum noticed his sadness. Mum even offered arrdee some of her cockles but nothing could cheer poor arrdee up.

 

Arrdee knew the girl’s parents were coming to see their daughter the next day. How was he going to explain to them that their daughter had disappeared of the face of the earth! Dear oh dear!

 

Early the next morning, arrdee was awakened by a loud knocking on the door. It was arrdee''s mate Bert, the farmer’s son, who knew of arrdee''s plight. Bert explained how he had gone for some straw that morning and noticed what he thought was a strange looking sheep behind the strawstack. On closer examination he realised it was arrdee''s missing girl lying behind the strawstack face down with her bum in the air. Hastily Bert put her in the muck-loader on the front of his tractor and brought her back. “You lovely old boy” said arrdee and quickly and quietly they put her back into the chapel of rest. He got his mum to clean her up and change her clothes while arrdee struggled with the lipstick and make-up. Finally, she was ready for her families visit looking serene and none the worse for her adventure. Her parents were very grateful with the funeral arrangements arrdee provided for them but could never understand why he gave his services for free!

 

That was the end of arrdee''s career as an undertaker although he still dabbles now and again. He decided to become a butcher instead. One day I''ll tell you how arrdee ''obtained'' a herd of bullocks!

 

Lappinitup.  [:D]

 

[arrdee 1]

[quote user="lappinitup"][quote user="arrdee"][quote user="lappinitup"]

It wasn''t quiet like that when the body went missing though, was it ?   [;)]

[/quote] Now "Lapp" I suppose you are talking to me ? I don''t want to think about that let alone talk about it , It was something that unfortunately happen to me . If you will forgive the pun I would like to bury it . I know there were lots of rumours but it was not my fault . arrdee.

[/quote]I think it''s high time the story was told arrdee, if only to clear your name lol   [:D][/quote]

I have said I don''t want to talk about it . Alright for goodness sake I lost someones body its not the end of the world is it? Who has not lost something at least once in their lives ? I was just unfortunate it was someones body . I refuse to talk about and besides it was not my fault , oh yes there were lots of rumours and none of them true. No doubt you have picked some up Lapp , just give it a rest mate . arrdee.

[YankeeCanary 0]

Well, this is all rather interesting fellows, but it does kind of beg the question as to what''s going into those sausages.

[arrdee 1]

Now that is all fantasy Lapp,  nothing like what happened in real life , if I can find the courage to bring you true story I will , there are certain things I have tried to forget , its not very funny when you have lost a body and it seems there is no hope of finding it . arrdee

[First Wazzock 902]

[quote user="lappinitup"]

Arrdee''s missing body ; the true story.......

Arrdee left school at Easter just before his fifteenth birthday and decided to follow in the family footsteps. It didn''t appeal to arrdee to work for the family as he knew the wages would be small and hours long. So arrdee started his own undertakers business. He persuaded his father to let him use a redundant barn and a few outbuildings so he would be working from home and the overheads would be low. The next thing arrdee did was to buy a horse drawn hearse, not so much for it’s attraction but because arrdee wasn’t old enough to drive and oats were cheaper than petrol anyway.

 

Arrdee worked hard through that cold wet summer but the dismal weather was a blessing in disguise for him because the dampness caused a lot of flu, the mortality rates were high and arrdee took full advantage of the situation. Everyone wanted arrdee to arrange their loved ones funerals, mainly because he undercut all the opposition’s prices and gave triple green shield stamps on each transaction. He even offered more discounts if they paid cash and didn’t want a receipt. He nearly single handedly put the Co-op out of business. As the year drew on, the wad of cash in arrdee''s pocket grew thicker and thicker. That crocodile-skin wallet in his back pocket was stuffed full with ten bob notes. Just before Christmas arrdee decided to splash some of his cash to celebrate his success and throw a party like no other.

 

On Christmas eve everything was ready, a suckling pig on the spit, sausage rolls, mince pies, chickens, you never saw so much food, all set out on upturned empty coffins in the barn, but the beer, oh the beer, barrels and barrels of arrdee''s favorite real ales (Bullards ''rough'' and Morgans ''old'') and Norfolk Nips for the ladies. All the barrels were tapped and lined up besides arrdee''s barn, a truly awesome sight.

 

Arrdee was ready to meet his guests as they arrived at about seven o''clock, dressed in his best black shirt with his bootlace tie, drainpipe jeans with four-inch turn-ups and his new winkle pickers, his long bushy sideburns and a quiff that Elvis would have been proud of. Arrdee''s mates, relatives, old school chums and of course every one in the village were invited. They gasped in awe when they saw what arrdee had put on for them. Arrdee didn''t let them hang about, he made sure everyone tucked in and the beer flowed like a river.

 

By nine o''clock everyone was pickled and the laughter, singing and yeh-haa’s could be heard from miles around. Arrdee couldn''t be happier. He knew that all these guests would be talking about arrdee''s party for months to come and his fame would bring in more business later.

 

Now, at about ten o''clock, one of arrdee''s mates called George was stumbling about in a drunken stupor gasping for a wee but the queue to arrdee''s toilet was long, so in desperation he stumbled into one of arrdee''s sheds to relieve himself. As the pressure in George’s bladder eased he looked around in the gloom and was suddenly startled when he realized he wasn''t alone. There, asleep on a table was this young woman. Sorry, sorry, mumbled George but there was no reply. He hadn''t realised that this shed was arrdee''s chapel of rest and he was looking at a young woman who had been a victim of the flu and had been brought in that day

 

Thinking the young woman was sleeping off the effects of too much drink, George was not one to miss an opportunity and he new that when she woke up she wouldn’t be able to resist his charms. He realised that any attempt to take advantage of the situation in the shed was too risky so he decided to move her to somewhere they wouldn''t be caught out. Peeking out of the door again he noticed arrdee''s trade bike leaning against a wall. Perfect, he thought, so with no more to do, he lifted the young woman into the tray on the front of the bike. A quick look round and he was off, peddling that bike as fast as he could.

 

After about half a mile George was knackered but then he saw a strawstack close to the road. Ideal, thought George, so he lifted the young woman off the bike, stumbled over a five barred gate and laid her down on some straw. By now, George was shattered and still very drunk so he lay down beside her and crashed out. A couple of hours later George was awakened by some sheep sniffing him, licking his face and baa-ing loudly. George was terrified and bolted! He cleared that gate like an Olympic hurdler, threw himself onto that trade bike and broke the world land speed record as he pedalled frantically until he reached arrdee’s house once again. The party was in full swing, arrdee was bopping like a wild thing with mawthers swarming round him and a wicked grin on his face but George wasn’t one to miss either out so he joined in again totally unaware of the poor girl he''d left in the field. In his drunken state he had completely forgotten about her.

 

The next morning (Christmas day) arrdee with his head throbbing and feeling violently sick had to go outside to feed his chickens, pigs and horse and to check the state of his buildings and yard after the party. Gingerly he made his way round the yard until he came to his chapel of rest. To his dismay, the young woman had GONE. She can''t be gone thought arrdee, she was dead. I know she was dead. She can’t be gone!

 

What can I do, where can she be thought arrdee, if I can''t find her I''ll be ruined. He knew he couldn''t call the police as they would tell the papers and then arrdee would be shamed. No-one would ever trust poor arrdee again with their loved ones because he might lose them. What could he do?

 

By lunchtime his head was clearing but oh it was a struggle to eat the huge Christmas dinner his mother put before him, so worried was he. He couldn''t even concentrate on the queen’s speech and had to be reminded to stand up when they played the national anthem. The evening was no better, grandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins all wanted to see arrdee in the colourful socks they had bought him for Christmas and although arrdee was in no mood to keep trying them on, his father insisted. He was just grateful his mother had made him wash his feet for the party the night before.

 

The next day (Boxing Day) arrdee felt a bit better although his heart was heavy. Norwich were playing the binners at home and arrdee was not going to miss that but what could he do about the girl? In desperation, he got on his trusty trade bike and went round all his mates to help him with a search swearing them to secrecy but that didn''t turn anything up. George even joined in the search, his memory of the event completely gone, but nothing turned up. At the match that afternoon arrdee was so miserable although City won. Even Comfy and his mum noticed his sadness. Mum even offered arrdee some of her cockles but nothing could cheer poor arrdee up.

 

Arrdee knew the girl’s parents were coming to see their daughter the next day. How was he going to explain to them that their daughter had disappeared of the face of the earth! Dear oh dear!

 

Early the next morning, arrdee was awakened by a loud knocking on the door. It was arrdee''s mate Bert, the farmer’s son, who knew of arrdee''s plight. Bert explained how he had gone for some straw that morning and noticed what he thought was a strange looking sheep behind the strawstack. On closer examination he realised it was arrdee''s missing girl lying behind the strawstack face down with her bum in the air. Hastily Bert put her in the muck-loader on the front of his tractor and brought her back. “You lovely old boy” said arrdee and quickly and quietly they put her back into the chapel of rest. He got his mum to clean her up and change her clothes while arrdee struggled with the lipstick and make-up. Finally, she was ready for her families visit looking serene and none the worse for her adventure. Her parents were very grateful with the funeral arrangements arrdee provided for them but could never understand why he gave his services for free!

 

That was the end of arrdee''s career as an undertaker although he still dabbles now and again. He decided to become a butcher instead. One day I''ll tell you how arrdee ''obtained'' a herd of bullocks!

 

Lappinitup.  [:D]

 

[/quote]

Crying with laughter reading this.

Great stuff Lapp.

Fantastic Story Arrdee.

[First Wazzock 902]

The socks at Christmas reminded me, many years ago one fruitcake aunt that I hardly ever saw sent me 3 socks. I couldn''t  understand until my mother realised that she had told the aunt I had grown another foot since she had last seen me. [:D]

[Evil Monkey 52]

I just hope the missing body and Ardee''s new sausage business aren''t linked in any way*... [+o(]

Great story Lap and Ardee, whatever you two are on, I want in!

* This is in no way true or possible, this is merely a joke borne out

of boredom; Ardee ensures the strictest quality control on his

sausages** and they are of the highest, cadaver-free quality.  Go

and eat Ardee''s sausages, then bring me some. Go now!

** This one isn''t a joke, but if you giggled, I''ll let you off...

[Berkshire Canary 12]

[quote user="lappinitup"]

Arrdee''s missing body ; the true story.......

Arrdee left school at Easter just before his fifteenth birthday and decided to follow in the family footsteps. It didn''t appeal to arrdee to work for the family as he knew the wages would be small and hours long. So arrdee started his own undertakers business. He persuaded his father to let him use a redundant barn and a few outbuildings so he would be working from home and the overheads would be low. The next thing arrdee did was to buy a horse drawn hearse, not so much for it’s attraction but because arrdee wasn’t old enough to drive and oats were cheaper than petrol anyway.

 

Arrdee worked hard through that cold wet summer but the dismal weather was a blessing in disguise for him because the dampness caused a lot of flu, the mortality rates were high and arrdee took full advantage of the situation. Everyone wanted arrdee to arrange their loved ones funerals, mainly because he undercut all the opposition’s prices and gave triple green shield stamps on each transaction. He even offered more discounts if they paid cash and didn’t want a receipt. He nearly single handedly put the Co-op out of business. As the year drew on, the wad of cash in arrdee''s pocket grew thicker and thicker. That crocodile-skin wallet in his back pocket was stuffed full with ten bob notes. Just before Christmas arrdee decided to splash some of his cash to celebrate his success and throw a party like no other.

 

On Christmas eve everything was ready, a suckling pig on the spit, sausage rolls, mince pies, chickens, you never saw so much food, all set out on upturned empty coffins in the barn, but the beer, oh the beer, barrels and barrels of arrdee''s favorite real ales (Bullards ''rough'' and Morgans ''old'') and Norfolk Nips for the ladies. All the barrels were tapped and lined up besides arrdee''s barn, a truly awesome sight.

 

Arrdee was ready to meet his guests as they arrived at about seven o''clock, dressed in his best black shirt with his bootlace tie, drainpipe jeans with four-inch turn-ups and his new winkle pickers, his long bushy sideburns and a quiff that Elvis would have been proud of. Arrdee''s mates, relatives, old school chums and of course every one in the village were invited. They gasped in awe when they saw what arrdee had put on for them. Arrdee didn''t let them hang about, he made sure everyone tucked in and the beer flowed like a river.

 

By nine o''clock everyone was pickled and the laughter, singing and yeh-haa’s could be heard from miles around. Arrdee couldn''t be happier. He knew that all these guests would be talking about arrdee''s party for months to come and his fame would bring in more business later.

 

Now, at about ten o''clock, one of arrdee''s mates called George was stumbling about in a drunken stupor gasping for a wee but the queue to arrdee''s toilet was long, so in desperation he stumbled into one of arrdee''s sheds to relieve himself. As the pressure in George’s bladder eased he looked around in the gloom and was suddenly startled when he realized he wasn''t alone. There, asleep on a table was this young woman. Sorry, sorry, mumbled George but there was no reply. He hadn''t realised that this shed was arrdee''s chapel of rest and he was looking at a young woman who had been a victim of the flu and had been brought in that day

 

Thinking the young woman was sleeping off the effects of too much drink, George was not one to miss an opportunity and he new that when she woke up she wouldn’t be able to resist his charms. He realised that any attempt to take advantage of the situation in the shed was too risky so he decided to move her to somewhere they wouldn''t be caught out. Peeking out of the door again he noticed arrdee''s trade bike leaning against a wall. Perfect, he thought, so with no more to do, he lifted the young woman into the tray on the front of the bike. A quick look round and he was off, peddling that bike as fast as he could.

 

After about half a mile George was knackered but then he saw a strawstack close to the road. Ideal, thought George, so he lifted the young woman off the bike, stumbled over a five barred gate and laid her down on some straw. By now, George was shattered and still very drunk so he lay down beside her and crashed out. A couple of hours later George was awakened by some sheep sniffing him, licking his face and baa-ing loudly. George was terrified and bolted! He cleared that gate like an Olympic hurdler, threw himself onto that trade bike and broke the world land speed record as he pedalled frantically until he reached arrdee’s house once again. The party was in full swing, arrdee was bopping like a wild thing with mawthers swarming round him and a wicked grin on his face but George wasn’t one to miss either out so he joined in again totally unaware of the poor girl he''d left in the field. In his drunken state he had completely forgotten about her.

 

The next morning (Christmas day) arrdee with his head throbbing and feeling violently sick had to go outside to feed his chickens, pigs and horse and to check the state of his buildings and yard after the party. Gingerly he made his way round the yard until he came to his chapel of rest. To his dismay, the young woman had GONE. She can''t be gone thought arrdee, she was dead. I know she was dead. She can’t be gone!

 

What can I do, where can she be thought arrdee, if I can''t find her I''ll be ruined. He knew he couldn''t call the police as they would tell the papers and then arrdee would be shamed. No-one would ever trust poor arrdee again with their loved ones because he might lose them. What could he do?

 

By lunchtime his head was clearing but oh it was a struggle to eat the huge Christmas dinner his mother put before him, so worried was he. He couldn''t even concentrate on the queen’s speech and had to be reminded to stand up when they played the national anthem. The evening was no better, grandparent, aunts, uncles and cousins all wanted to see arrdee in the colourful socks they had bought him for Christmas and although arrdee was in no mood to keep trying them on, his father insisted. He was just grateful his mother had made him wash his feet for the party the night before.

 

The next day (Boxing Day) arrdee felt a bit better although his heart was heavy. Norwich were playing the binners at home and arrdee was not going to miss that but what could he do about the girl? In desperation, he got on his trusty trade bike and went round all his mates to help him with a search swearing them to secrecy but that didn''t turn anything up. George even joined in the search, his memory of the event completely gone, but nothing turned up. At the match that afternoon arrdee was so miserable although City won. Even Comfy and his mum noticed his sadness. Mum even offered arrdee some of her cockles but nothing could cheer poor arrdee up.

 

Arrdee knew the girl’s parents were coming to see their daughter the next day. How was he going to explain to them that their daughter had disappeared of the face of the earth! Dear oh dear!

 

Early the next morning, arrdee was awakened by a loud knocking on the door. It was arrdee''s mate Bert, the farmer’s son, who knew of arrdee''s plight. Bert explained how he had gone for some straw that morning and noticed what he thought was a strange looking sheep behind the strawstack. On closer examination he realised it was arrdee''s missing girl lying behind the strawstack face down with her bum in the air. Hastily Bert put her in the muck-loader on the front of his tractor and brought her back. “You lovely old boy” said arrdee and quickly and quietly they put her back into the chapel of rest. He got his mum to clean her up and change her clothes while arrdee struggled with the lipstick and make-up. Finally, she was ready for her families visit looking serene and none the worse for her adventure. Her parents were very grateful with the funeral arrangements arrdee provided for them but could never understand why he gave his services for free!

 

That was the end of arrdee''s career as an undertaker although he still dabbles now and again. He decided to become a butcher instead. One day I''ll tell you how arrdee ''obtained'' a herd of bullocks!

 

Lappinitup.  [:D]

 

[/quote]

Great post, although I sense that you have opened up some old wounds - poor Arrdee!!! [:''(]

 

[Albyella 0]

Quality......

[lappinitup 629]

[quote user="YankeeCanary"]Well, this is all rather interesting fellows, but it does kind of beg the question as to what''s going into those sausages.[/quote]I did mention in my earlier post that arrdee had a liking for crocodile skin wallets and come to thing of it, his wife (Ruth) is always turning up with new crocodile skin shoes and matching handbags. You don''t think do you...... ? 

On the other hand, the old boy has been going on a lot lately about shooting foxes.......!

Can''t be, can it ?   [:^)]

[Syteanric 1]

Arrdee has the best sausages in the World!

bold statement? no.. because its true... he does!

I like sausages and Rays have very little fat on them which is always good.... the chipolattas he gave me for my little girl were very nice as well! they taste much nicer than the supermarket rubbish...

If u ever get the chance to sample them i thoroughly reccomend that you do.

Keep up the good work Ray!

jas :)

[lappinitup 629]

So true jas,and the amazing thing is, they taste just like pork !  [:D]

[First Wazzock 902]

[quote user="lappinitup"]So true jas,and the amazing thing is, they taste just like pork !  [:D][/quote]

not croc ? [:^)]

[BIC 0]

Come on Ardee, I''d like to taste some of these famous sausies - do us all a favour, give yourself some publicity and tell me just where is your butchers...

[arrdee 1]

Now you lovely old posters , I had hoped that this day would never arrive but clearly it has , I have always viewed Lapp with trepidation and fear because the incident occurred in his former village and I always knew he would pick up on the rumors and half truths .

I will now put the record straight , I could not let that dreadful account by lapp be allowed to stand . I have never read such a load of old tosh ever before in my life , for goodness sake its not even funny . I think its a case of picking up something and enlarging on it never mind the truth . I have said so many times the missing body wasn''t my fault , I will tell you how it was and I know you will agree with me .

It all started over 8 yrs ago , the date is unimportant , it was just after xmas when this man and women entered my office, the women greeted my smile with one of her own and when I asked if I could help her she said "yes when are you burying mum"  "mum"? "yes mrs Wxxxxxx"  "you remember you took charge of mum just before xmas" I knew I was in trouble as I didn''t have a mum "in salt"I had her in my in tray but not my out . Now something had been bugging me since that office party and I suddenly realised what it was that xmas party was the cause of my problems and I realised what had happened , It was the cavorting about with those coffins when the drink set in .

I said "mum was a small lady wasn''t she"?  "why yes she was under 5 stone why do you ask"? that was all i needed I knew then what had happened , I made an excuse about "we need to make a smaller coffin and I want some nice special handles especially for mum".  "Thank you of course we will pay any extra costs" Well I thought why not its an ill wind that doesn''t blow someone some good .

I questioned my staff as to where mum had gone , all I got was "haven''t got a clue arrdee" Of course that was right in their alcohol befuddled brains on that fateful evening they didn''t have a clue . I knew we had doubled up, mum had been buried with someone else, now this was one or more of my staffs idea of a joke .

I had thought about a charade of a funeral with a suitably weighted coffin but I knew there would be an awkward "live one" who would want to see mum before she was "planted" and taking the lid off the coffin to expose half filled paint tins and broken shovels where mum should have been would hardly endeared me to anyone .No there was nothing for it I would have to "grub" them out.

Now I don''t know if you have any idea of the cost of exhuming a body or the documentation required , and  I might add met out of arrdee''s pocket . I had narrowed it down to only 3 possibilities , and we hit pay dirt on the very first "dig". I had tried to get it as early in the morning as I could before too many people happened to be about , of course we had the two obligatory policemen who were full of jokes and humour , telling me those worn out jokes like "arrdee undertaking is a dying trade" "arrdee you are like a laundry, the laundry stiffens the collars , you collar the stiff un''s" and of course I always laugh along with them , hoping they think themselves funny . We also had 5 people from the local parish council who wanted to see what was going on in their churchyard , it was made up of 3 of the sourest faced old gals you have ever seen and 2 lovely old boys , who were contemplating if this outing could coincide with the opening time of the pub for a game or two of "domie''s". The party was made up with the vicar who had performed the original committal for the lovely old boy whom we were "grubing out" and believe me he was taking a dim view on proceedings .

When we got the coffin out and took the lid off ,there she was and what a position mum was in on top of the gentleman , I have never seen any thing like it and the smile of pleasure that they had put on the old boys face had to be seen to be believed . One of the policemen fainted as did the 3 sour faced old gals from the local council , the 2 lovely old boys were doubled over in laughter , the Vicar gave a strangled gasp staggered backwards and fell into the empty grave and started screaming he had broken his arm. The incident seemed to have turned the policeman (the one still standing) into the role model perfect policeman ,gone was the humour gone was the banter , when I asked if he could call an ambulance for the Vicar , he started sniffing me saying have you been drinking sir ? and when I added perhaps we need the fire brigade to get him out , he said "could I see your driving licence sir?" I had a go at trying to get the Vicar out of the grave but he let out this torrent of abuse the likes I have never heard before, the language was unbelievable I never thought I would ever  hear such utterings from a man of the cloth.

Two of my staff ran off I felt like legging it as well but no I knew I had to do the best for the family name , I remember looking at the scene , with the earthworks , the body''s littered about some live some dead and a wounded soldier in the trench and 2 old boys who were bomb happy or should that be body happy ?,I thought  this is reminiscent of the first world war . I was groaning and holding my head as I thought of my forefathers and I remember remarking , My word Grandfather I have been slaying them today , whatever has happened to the business under arrdee''s tenurship ?

The thing I had to do was extract mum from the kind gentleman which was a delicate manoeuvre and just as we twisted her off , one of the sour faced from the council recovered and looked from a few feet away at the operation I was performing and when the "plop" occurred she promptly fainted again . I thought I better have another go at the Vicar as I had got mum away in a casket in the hearse all I had to do now was get the lovely gentleman back in his grave But I couldn''t because the Vicar was in there . I started pulling on him , he set up a wail that I was trying to murder him , I will admit the thought did cross my mind and perhaps if a shovell had been at hand he may well have been correct . I don''t know what he was not going to do to me when he got out of the grave . The profanity , intermingled every so often with a call for divine retribution to visit me and smothe me . I thought I would ask the policeman (the one still standing) for help , where was he ? oh yes kicking the wheels on the hearst, checking the mirrors , studying the tax disc, licking the end of his pencil and writing furiously, about what I have no idea .

So what did I learn from this incident ? well I learnt never to have another x mas party . I also learnt that the vicar in his Sunday sermon had no further wish to see divine retribution visit me and smothe me . He also had only broken his collarbone , great big baby.

Now this story cant be true can it? Well thats what I am hoping you are all thinking .[:$] arrdee. 

  

[First Wazzock 902]

A priceless saga. [:D][*]

[Shack Attack 0]

You''re a [*] Ray, marvellous stuff [Y]