Favorite footballer funny stories!

[taintedtom2000 0]

There was a good thread on here a week or so back about things footballers had said to people whilst playing, it dug up some really funny stories....

....it got me thinking about the wider world of football and whether there are any funny stories involving footballers? Dosn''t matter if they are a little unreliable as long as they make us chuckle!!...

...I''ll Kick off...

A friend of a friend is a Newcastle fan and had a close friendship with family members of Graham Souness, especially his sister in law. During a game my friends friend noticed that Graham was limping on the sidlines slightly and looked quite uncomfotable. The next time he bumped into the sister-in-law he asked if he was OK, and she agreed to find out for him. At that moment she recieved a phonecall from the sister-in-law herself, so after speaking for a minute or so asked.."Is Graham OK, aparently he was limping at the game on Saturday?" the answer to the question was given very loudly back over the phone and was overheard clearly by my firnds friend... "yeah he''s fine, I put my finger up his bum the other night and a fake nail came off!...took bloody ages to get back out!!"

needless to say this wasn''t the explination Souness'' sister-in-law gave to my friends friend!! LOL

Obvoiusly this could be tripe.....but hilarious either way!

[Sam The Eagle 0]

good one.

[Captain Holt 520]

Martin Peters played against my dad in the 70''s in a charity match for some pub and after a 50 /50 challenge my dad stood up and stood right on Peters'' knackers in the process! It was obviously an acident but best to say he wasn''t very pleased.....

[YankeeCanary 0]

There have been a few funny stories over time but none to compare with Arrdee''s story on Bunny Larkin. I am copying it from the original thread for the benefit of any new posters ( we''ve had a lot recently ) who would almost certainly get a good chuckle from the story. Having read it a number of times it still makes me laugh. Bunny Larkin played for Norwich almost half a century ago.

"Bunny Larkins torn shorts , I promised to tell you this story , and here it is , remember i don''t make things up and i don''t tell lies , this is exactly as it was , I must have been about 13 judging were i was on the wall , the low wall that ran along the front of the main stand , there was a pecking order that i will tell you about and how it worked in a later post , I must have been 5th or 6th from the tunnel which was as far as i got , we were like fledglings ready to fly the nest .

From the start of that season we had this party of supporters that would arrive at 2 -45 consisting of a mother , her great big son and 3 or 4 of their drinking mates , you could smell the drink from 20 yds , they always stood just behind us , plenty of room in those days , now mum  always looked as if she had just finished having 20 throws on the box (dice) and had won more than she had lost , the outstanding thing about her was her illfitting dentures they use to drop down every time she opened her mouth , No dentist could have made them for her , i am sure she was looking after them for someone , either that or her regular partner on the box was her dentist,  that would explain it , She would stand behind her son a step or two up hook her chin over his shoulder put her arms round his belly (that took some doing )he would clasp her hands and then say "cumfy mum" ?"ummmmm"and the old girl would be asleep . I dubbed him"  cumfy" as you would know .

Us boys would be sitting on the wall looking out over the pitch as they arrived waiting with baited breath "cumfy mum"? "ummmmm" we would explode in laughter .Often cumfy would shout" gather round boys i want to make water" this they would achive useing a pint mug bending down pouring it out on the steps  this cut out the splash i suppose ,they always left the mug behind sitting on the steps after the match  always full , Quite how cumfy managed with his hands clasping mums i don''t know , perhaps one of his mates helped him ,i would rather not think about it

When Bunny tore his shorts he made a good job of it , from top to bottom , the plan was to turn Bunny round in a record time , the new shorts were ready , the towels were ready they called Bunny off showing all his thigh  i heard this cackling coming from behind me the old girl was awake , making a fist and raising her arm up and down in that age old gesture of sexual arousel ,

The first part of the plan went like clockwork  the old shorts were gone , now this is were things went wrong the right leg went through alright however the left one got caught up the trainers were trying to pull them up Bunny was trying to pull them down to have a fresh start , the trainers seem to win the battle as his studs appeared through the crotch of his shorts followed by his toe , Bunny was by this time irate swearing at the top of his voice , the two with towels were dancing and side stepping trying to keep Bunny covered ,they were like two matadors with an enraged bull on their hands , it was getting like the Hay market out there as more people tried to help only adding to the confusion, mum had got on to a squeal by this time , arm pumping like a piston , i was twisting on my perch watching the old girl twisting back to see Bunny this was rich fare indeed , and then it happened  Bunny crashed into one of the matadors down went the towel and there was Bunny in all his glory , there was uproar at this point mum cracked "get out of the way you fat cumfy " that is not the word she used but thats as close as i can get on the board  ,she knocked cumfy and his mates flying the laughter on my face turned to horror  as i realised she was heading straight at me ,the old girl was moving like air , i opened my mouth to shout a warning but nothing came out ,her knee hit me in the back as she tried to haul herself over the bar above our heads but mum was spent she collapsed over the rail and hung there like a wet blanket expelling wind from every orifice , just above my head i might add , she promptly reguritated down a boys back about two pints of Watneys best laced with ,now listen, about a pint of cockles that had not even been champed they were pristine you could have picked them off his back and re-sold them , her top set landed at my feet ,i don''t know how i was not sick , cumfy came and unwound her ,snatching up her teeth saying "look out boy these are mums" that should have confirmed that her dentist was her regular partner on the box , but thinking about it he would hardly have said"look out boy these are the next door neighbours"would he ? he kept asking mum what had happened and looking around to see if he could find a culprit responsible for mums strange behaviour

.Bunny had performed the first ever male lap top dance and had driven the old girl insane, i don''t think the journey was very far though .

Every thing settled down we went back to watching dire mid table 2nd div  football,  the boy two down moaning about the state of his alcohol shellfish stained jacket , mum no doubt dreaming of Bunnys finer points , cumfy still looking for someone to blame and making water every so often ,as for  me i was  thinking i have got to  get out of this place i have ended up in a hellhole of alcohol and urine ,this was the nudge i needed ,the shaking of the nest if you will , i was flying .

After the match i always tried to have a word with the players as they came off , some would not give you the time of day Bunny would always have a word , this match a woman said "Bunny you could have saved my blushes if you had changed your shorts down the tunnel "Bunny always with the quick quip said" Haven''t you seen a good cxxx ,bxxxs, and axxx, before"?

Well i don''t think anyone would seen them any more if cumfys mum had got her hands on them , but perhaps the damage would not have been too  great because i am sure she would lost her teeth before she got to Bunnys vitals ,

Thats the story of Bunnys torn shorts as i remember it , i hope you all enjoyed it arrdee."

[The Fish Seller 0]

Tainted Tom I would love it, love it if that story is true.

[Camuldonum 0]

Here is a true one from personal experience.  At the time of the Arsenal double (yes, it was that long ago)I was working as a reporter for the Mirror - they had two players bought up, Bob Wilson and Charlie George.  For the Saturday of the Cup Final there was a big spread with virtually a page to both of them. 

As Dan Ferrari, the then news editor, didn''t trust any sport journalist to write a news-feature story properly even if it were to save their very life(sorry Archant) two news reporters were sent to ghost write. 

I got Charlie George. 

Sample: "You must be very excited about tomorrow?"

Answer: "Yeah."

"What does it mean to you as a player?"

(Considerable pause)

"Well, it means we''ve done f*****g well this season dunnit?"

I''ll try not to bore but so forth for over an hour.

On the way out of this "interview" I bumped into Dennis Hill-Wood, then the Chairman of Arsenal FC and proudly resplendent in his blazer.

"How did it go, old chap" he asked in his jovial manner. 

"Hard work," I said.

Mr H-W smiled, put his arm around my shoulder and said: "If I were you I''d write what you like.  Charlie doesn''t read any too well, either."

[Icecream Snow 761]

I always liked the one about the radio interview with Tommy Boyd, after Tommy Boyd had scored an own-goal for Scotland against Brazil in a world cup game.Shame that when they asked Tommy Boyd how he felt, that they realised that they''d got Tommy Boyd the Wacaday presenter.

[Post Man Pat 0]

funniest football story.

hiring grant as our manager

[taintedtom2000 0]

LOL!

 

you can always count on arrdee, I''d missed that one 1st time round!

[canary cherub 1]

[quote user="taintedtom2000"]

LOL!

 

you can always count on arrdee, I''d missed that one 1st time round!

[/quote]

Alltime classic, if the Mods ever get round to doing a "Best Pinkun Posts Ever . . ." this one will be right up there.  lmso all over again.